Went Waling!

THE call

2012-01-05T18:10:00.001-08:00

Sorry about the last post and being a day early; guess that's what happens when you don't look at the calendar until after blog is POSTED.

Well, folks, it's been one year. A year ago tonight as I headed out the door to Home Group, my phone rang. I screamed and jumped up and down-- met Emily in the hallway as we screamed in disbelief. She was yelling at me to answer.

I ran in the living room, cleared my throat and calmly asked, "Hello?"

...I'd missed the call. :)

Rang back right away and Josh and I set up another time to talk: after Home Group in two hours.

Journal entry January 5, 2011

"Lord! What in the world?! A phone call from Josh? An amazing two+ hour phone conversation about YOU?!

A flat out opening line of why he's calling? This feels like a dream.

I think he might be too sweet for me :) I don't know if he could handle this mess...

Father, please help me guard against imagining parts of his personality and character. If nothing else, I pray for a strong God-centered friendship. Please lead me and guide me. Reveal Your Word to me. Show me his leadership.

Thank you for encouraging my heart and building my faith.

Grow my love for You."

Glory to God.

One year ago today...or...tomorrow, actually...

2012-01-03T19:29:00.000-08:00

My journal entry January 4, 2011

"So I'm at Starbucks and the internet isn't working (the MAIN reason I came here) so I'm enjoying a decaf cup of joe and reading and adjusting my perspective before heading to Panera to do work and personal stuff.

I happened upon Isaiah 40. Smiling with joy at the promises contained here. Many truths have encouraged me, but this particularly stands out:

"but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength..."

I love how this begins. "Do you not know? Have you not heard?"

Ha! I love it.

He does not faint or grow weary.

He reminds us here...that we will be tired and exhausted.

BUT.

But what?

BUT. If we WAIT on the Lord...our strength will be renewed. Ha! How ironic. The way to not grow weary is to wait for the Lord. Wait on Him.

Father, would I receive manna for TODAY. Help me not try to store up mercy or grace. Remind me of this, God. You have given me all I need for today. I ask for wisdom. In my time, interactions, decisions...may I be sensitive to Your Spirit, lean on you; trust you-- your character and your promises. I pray I would set my hope fully on Grace. May my eyes behold Jesus Chris. Help me to see your hand in my day...and be in continual worship and adoration. Help me be wise with my time and efficient. Would I work for you and not man. I wnat to be faithful and honor you with my business.

Just got a text from Josh!!!! :)

He's at the airport and watching a plane to O-town board. I CANNOT stop smiling and my hands are sweating. Great. Now I'll be totally distracted."

That is literally word-for-word what was written in my journal a year ago today.

...and now...just 365 days later...I sit on my bed typing with a glistening, beautiful diamond on my left hand given to me almost a month ago by this same man. My year (like many prior) has been full of waiting on the Lord.

...and I find it so precious that the very last thing in my journal prior to this godly and amazing man pursuing me...FINALLY the one who God has called to be my husband...right before his first text to me...

...was truths about God's character and His call for us to wait on Him.

My heart soars with wonder, excitement, and joy as I consider the faithful hand of God...as I marvel at his timing. Ah, the waiting for this is over: Joshua Morrison has been found. PRAISE THE LORD!

(Also, just as a side note of rejoicing: my car that broke down that I had to sell, and I was so disappointed...I MADE $50 on it when I sold it...and bought a new car for $350 less than I sold mine for. Not only did I not pay to have my car repaired...but I MADE money. GLORY TO GOD!)

Never-ending?

2011-12-05T08:02:00.000-08:00

This season of my life is described well in one word: Waiting.

When people ask about updates on me/my life/my car situation, etc. I always sort of shrug, smile and say, "The same. Just waiting." Whether it's waiting on others, waiting to hear from the Lord, waiting until circumstances are a certain way before making a move...it's felt endless. I have seemingly no "answers." Just a farther away finish line than when I started.

Have there been temper tantrums along the way as I wrestle and struggle with waiting? Um, YES. Has God given more grace than I ever could've imagined as He calls me to wait longer and longer? Um. YES.

As the Christmas Holiday is upon us, I have been overcome with MUCH REJOICING as I'm finally in a relationship as I look at Christmas lights or hear festive music or visit family. For years, this has been the most difficult time for me as a single desiring to be married. I think its the most romantic time of the year. It has built my faith to see, "YES! God does answer us in our waiting! I won't be waiting forever."

As I've sought to reflect on the things I've waited FOR over the years, and now have (ie: a godly boyfriend during the Holidays), it has prompted my heart to pray for others who are in that season that I'm so grateful to be out of. I am hoping that in drawing my attention to what I've been given, instead of what I still see as a need, I will be cultivating gratefulness to God, and sensitivity to others. I need to get my focus OFF of me, and stop dwelling on my waiting...while also very much living in it, and trusting God with it.

So, this Christmas, can we join together around the singles in our lives who would love nothing more than to be in a relationship, especially around Christmas...and can we pray for them? Let them know that we're waiting with them? Love on them? Encourage and affirm them? Let them know we're thinking about them?

It can be very very very challenging to enter the Holiday season alone. Especially if most (or all) of your close friends are married or in relationships. Let us take this time to gather around, minister to, and encourage those who might need an extra hug this time of year.

In Andrew Murray's book, "Waiting on God", I read this helpful quote this morning:

"Dear soul, in waiting on God you may often be ready to be weary, because you hardly know what you have to expect. I pray you, be of good courage- this ignorance is often one of the best signs. He is teaching you to leave all in His hands, and to wait on Him alone."

And if you fall into this category: Single and waiting to be married, I pray that the God of all Comfort would meet you today. Would you know His nearness. His peace. His intimate love for you. And would your faith be built as you Trust Him as Lord over all your days.

Full days, full of mercy

2011-10-11T19:34:00.001-07:00

My days the last few weeks have been packed.

I'm down a car (which is a blessing, I must remember) so am often thinking ahead and looking at days-- planning when I can borrow which car from whom and what will be least inconvenient for all.

Because my boyfriend is the most sacrificial person ever (well, maybe besides my mom...I guess letting me live inside of her for 9 months and then giving birth to me, gives her some territory for "most...ever"), he has made himself joyfully and willingly inconvenienced in order to bless me. every.single.day.

I get up before the crack of dawn, drive him to work, and come home. Sleep for an hour or so. Wake up again, get ready and pack my things, and head out the door to clients. After about 3 clients, I go pick Josh up from work, drive him home, and continue on in doing hair until 9pm or later. (Leaving him car-less.) Long days. Lots of miles on his car. Gallons of gas.

My wonderfully amazing scheduling coordinator is on holiday this week (hope you're enjoying your hubby, Em!) I'm getting home after 9:30pm to emails to respond to, phone calls to make, contracts to compile, profiles to be updated, etc.

My days are full.

And OH, how the Lord is meeting me. He's used the verse that most encouraged me when I thought my car was worth nothing and un-sell-able to minister to me in so many ways.

"Keep your life free from the love of money and be content with what you have, for He has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.'" Heb 13.

God is providing for me even as I await His future provision.

I have cars to borrow. I have clients I'm still able to take to save money. He's not left me. He's not forsaken me. He's here. Amazing.

As I began praying for my "needs" the other day (because God loves when we come to Him and cast our cares at His feet) I felt prompted in that moment, to instead make a list of the needs I have that are provided FOR.

And as the list was written, it was almost as though my, "Lord please do _____" prayers shut up. I was even stirred with gratefulness for the toilets we have in America. I am so glad we have clean toilets to sit on-- not holes or outhouses. My comforts are ridiculous.

God delights to bless us, so I know I'm still to ask Him for things...He loves to show His faithfulness...but my perspective was so shifted, that I didn't even really remember the things I needed. He's provided SO MUCH, surely He'll meet those needs...whatever they are!

But it was a bit of a perspective adjustment as I considered that where Adam went wrong...was that he was focused on the thing he DIDN'T have...instead of EVERYTHING that he DID have.

And as these truths have been transforming me, my eyes are focusing more clearly on what's really important. It's not important how much money I have saved. Or what "timely manner" I'm able to find a reliable car in. What matters is that each and every single day, my clients are loved on, and have an opportunity to either hear the Gospel proclaimed, or in some way, see it demonstrated. That's it.

Because eventually, all the money I save, will be spent, and I'll be working on saving new money. Eventually, my new car (which I don't even have yet) will die, and I'll be car hunting again. Eventually, this season of life will be over...and I won't have an opportunity again to interact with those that I do now. And eventually me and my clients will die...and stand before a Holy Judge. And all that really matters will be revealed. And it will matter forever.

This is it: embrace this time.

He is Able.

2011-09-25T18:52:00.001-07:00

Do you ever have things happen where you think, "Oh my gosh, this is the Lord blessing me in just the way I've asked!" or "Wow, God has so specifically answered that prayer request"...

...to only have that circumstance "fall through"...and you're left wondering,

"God, what was that? That was perfect...you were answering me...what happened?"

It's that "rug being pulled out from under you" feeling. (Though that is not the heart of God.)

I am sadly tempted to think subconsciously in those moments, that God is weak. Or that I somehow messed up. (ew. so NOT the Gospel.)

Sometimes its disappointing news back to back; other times the seeming rug-pull is so devastating it takes months to recover. Regardless, as these seasons and circumstances have come my way over the years, I have wondered what a God-centered and hope-filled response to "answered-prayer-request-followed-by-disappointment" would be or look like.

One perspective has helped and encouraged me: "He is reminding me that He is able."

A week ago I was told unexpectedly that my car needed almost $1,000 of repair. Disappointed, I decided to sell it. Only to be told I wouldn't get anything for it. UGH. I've been saving money for a while...but "new car fund" was certainly not the title of my savings.

Really? I mean. I have an on location business. I've been working so hard to save as much as I can. And this is pretty bad timing to be spending thousands of dollars I don't have. God, what are you doing?

...and in the midst of wrestling these thoughts, I continued to be comforted by the truths of Scripture.

"He who promised is faithful" would come to mind...and then I'd go read Matthew 6 to be reminded of the sparrows and lilies. My favourite verse this week became, "Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have, for He has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.'"

I kept being amazed at how much JOY I was experiencing through God's Word even when I had no idea what was happening with my car or where in the world money was going to come from. I was marveling at the peace God was giving me; convinced others were praying. Sweetly refreshed by my tangible need for Him to provide.

After talking about it...Josh and I decided...I'd try to honestly sell it on Craigslist warts and all and see what I could get for it.

I got a phone call yesterday a few hours after our post went up...ok, JOSH got a phone call (he's handled everything car-related for me. He is so wonderful.) We heard from someone who wanted it for what I was hoping to get for it, and my heart soared with worship. I texted a bunch of friends to pray it went through smoothly, and was just elated. Worshipping, praising God, thanking Him; so excited. Marveling at how quickly it was all working out.

Got home and found my title, cleaned out the car this morning, arrived early at the "meeting place" with Josh...and as I pulled into the parking lot (knowing nothing was a "done deal" yet) I prayed, "Lord, please let me not be the one who drives this car out of this parking lot."

...and the guy was a no-show.

UGH. "But God, wasn't this you answering my prayers?" "What was the point of that? He could have just said he didn't want it."

In my disappointment, I sought to talk to myself and not listen to myself. "Be encouraged: God is just reminding you and demonstrating that HE CAN DO WHATEVER He wants and WHENEVER He wants to. He is showing me His power and strength. He doesn't need lots of time. He CAN do something quickly and soon with my car...if its best for me. But unless it's best, He won't. Trust His wisdom."

Josh drove us to church and we prayed in the car. And as we drove, his phone rang...

...and at 1:00 this afternoon, my car was sold for more than the first buyer was willing to pay. I did not drive my car out of the parking lot.

Surely such a quick "turn around" isn't the norm when it comes to the Lord's ways being higher than ours. And quite frankly, sometimes his ways don't look higher until years and years later.

But. We can trust that they ARE.

Whether your disappointment has come after years of waiting and hoping, or its something you just prayed about for the first time 5 minutes ago, you can take heart: He is able. Let His power and strength encourage you and build your faith. He CAN. He has the power. He is not weak. He is all-wise. He wants to remind you He knows best...will you trust Him?

Would our hearts be steadfastly assured of His love for us...and would we trust His wisdom.

God is faithful; REJOICE!

Lookin' good

2011-08-15T18:24:00.000-07:00

It's amazing to me how un-creative the enemy is, how sneaky my sin is, and how surprised I am when new temptations arise.

If I begin something new, in a matter of weeks the Holy Spirit will be revealing to me how I've begun emphasizing the wrong thing in my initial "want to do good" endeavor. Welcome to Romans 7.

This time, it's vanity.

About a month ago I began working out consistently and just keeping an eye on what I'm eating and at what time. Though I've always technically weighed more than most of my friends because I'm tall and have left over muscle from years of childhood gymnastics, I wasn't looking for results on the scale. The goal was to have more energy during the day and feel better: just tone up a bit. No big deal.

Things were going great; I was seeing the results I was looking for and even sleeping better at night and waking up so refreshed in the morning. There have been far more bonuses than I'd even realized!

Then. Today happened. For some reason, I just felt like I went 4 weeks backwards...felt no different than when I started. Technically gained weight (I think- I hope! due to muscle) and became discouraged. Fed up, actually. To the point of anger: "This is stupid. I don't care anyways. Nevermind."

Thankfully, the Lord does not leave me in my sin. He began prompting and probing my heart. I then started having thoughts like this:

"So, when I was getting what I wanted...the results I wanted...this was all fine and dandy and wonderful. But when I stopped getting what I wanted...this ceased to ever be about wanting to honour the Lord with good stewardship of my body...and became about ME. How I look. How I feel. How I feel about how I look..."

...and I was convicted of my vanity. I became central. I'd made this an idol.

I think being in the hair and make-up industry, the pull towards vanity can be even stronger. My profession is beauty. Making things more beautiful to the eye. Being critical to then "fix" something. I've been praying that I would believe Scripture, "Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." I've been asking God to grow my fear of Him...and to make me more concerned about my fear of Him than what I look/feel like. I want to prioritize my soul over my body.

And as I've been confessing this today and getting my (wonderful) boyfriend to pray with me and for me, the depth of it has really begun to increase in my eyes. I've noticed that subtly and in fleeting thoughts, I've made someone else's body an idol. "I want to look like THAT."

Now. Is there anything inherently wrong with that thought? I don't think necessarily. Having goals can be wonderful and motivate us-- and being healthy and in shape can be a great thing! But I've been asking myself...what emphasis am I putting on it? Is it in it's right place? Am I COVETING something I don't have? Or am I seeking to honour the Lord with my body; as a temple of His Holy Spirit and trusting that He's being honoured in my journey as I seek to accomplish my goal?

There are many "good" reasons to lose weight and get in shape. A teenager could exercise faithfully to make the team-- seeking to glorify God with her athleticism. A wife could want to tone up to bless her husband. Or a mom might be fighting for energy to play with the kids and (oddly enough) working out seems to be the way to go. Whatever the reason, desiring to be more in shape is not always discontentment.

It's not the "what" we're doing. It's the "why." And its constantly examining our hearts and inviting the Lord into our thoughts as we go that will help us grow in godliness. We can grow nearer to Him, enjoy and treasure the Gospel more, and glorify Him in new ways in our lives by inviting Him in...even to the mundane. Into our work outs. :)

Anyways, I know enough ladies battle vanity that there might be at least one reader that this might hopefully encourage: you're not alone.

May our hearts be fully His as our gaze is on His glory and not our own.

Entrusting to the Lord.

2011-07-19T11:08:00.000-07:00

Circumstantially...this is kind of a random post. But I just happened to notice this today:

As I've gotten older and learn more about life (often through my clients), and I hear about parenting and motherhood...marriage and friendship...grace. and trust-- I'm often left utterly amazed at what an amazing job my parents did...

...at entrusting us to the Lord.

Scripture is full of commands to trust God. To entrust our hearts to Him. To cast our cares on Him. To believe He's at work in others. To entrust others to Him.

I imagine this is most difficult with children.

In teaching me to make my own decisions at an early age...my parent's trust in me, and their support of my decisions (even when I knew they didn't agree-- because they told me :)...over the years this has fueled in me a love for counsel and a hunger for wisdom.

I don't feel a need to "prove myself" to my parents. I have their approval. I have their support. Instead, they have LET me learn to hear the voice of God for myself-- without just making decisions for me. They have let me see the faithfulness of God with my own eyes. They have allowed my faith to be challenged and tested by my circumstances and relationships...without trying to shield me from the consequences of my sin or the pain that life brings each of us in different forms.

Instead. They have made themselves a tangible refuge. A shelter I know I will hear truth from. A hug that I know is for me. A praying heart that longs mostly for me to love God more.

And I have watched them trust God. I love watching them trust God.

Their countless prayers for me to know God and love Him more in, through, and amidst life's challenges are invaluable and precious treasure to me.

I so long to emulate them in this way...

This is what I mean...

2011-06-30T06:37:00.000-07:00

I just read a very sad blog post.

Immediately it reminded me of my "Praying in a Relationship" post.

If ever faced with similar circumstances, I hope to trust God like this woman of faith:

Click here

Babysitting for Eternity

2011-06-27T20:15:00.000-07:00

I had a conversation today with a friend about the importance of babysitting. Releasing couples to go out, be alone, strengthen their marriages, and grow in communication. Giving them time to evaluate their lives (Eph. 5:15), their relationships, their parenting, etc.

We talked about how it's a joy and privilege to be able to, as a Single in the local church, directly build into the future church: the next generation. It is all of our responsibility to pass the Gospel onto them- whether they're our kids or not; to be an example and a light. The most direct way I can think of, is this. (Surely there are others.) But when we support marriages, we strengthen the core of the family. The parents can take a breath, gain composure, set their face to what's important: pursuing the Lord and keeping their spouse as their #1 ministry. When that is in line, parenting is far more effective. The Gospel is communicated and demonstrated more clearly. Discipline is more consistent and grace-filled. And hopefully, the result is softer hearts and better soil for the seeds to take root.

The beauty is that we are family: so we can make ourselves at home in other people's houses. Pick up toys, make meals, do dishes, bathe kids, fold laundry, unload the dishwasher, etc. Because we "live life together" its no big deal to lend a helping hand-- just as you would at home.

We talked about how much parents need date nights. How much their kids need them to have date nights. How helpful it is when we volunteer to babysit without being asked.

...and we also talked about the importance of "taking an interest" in your babysitter. It is very easy to accidentally put a single in the "babysitter" category...forgetting they have a soul, and needs, and desire relationships too. At times, there may only be a small difference in your ages...you just happen to be seasons apart. But even then: Married couples, please invite your single friends to events even if only married couples are going. Certainly there are times you're not able...but singles still want to hang out with you. Better to be a 3rd, 5th, 7th, or 9th wheel than not be invited to something just because the title "not married yet" is held. It's best to let the one being invited say, "No thanks" instead. (Well. In my opinion.)

And, I told my friend I'd blog about our conversation.

Here ya go, Meghann. Love you.

Praying in a Relationship

2011-06-19T20:56:00.001-07:00

I began thinking the other day about how I haven't blogged in a while.

"I don't really know what to blog about..." was my first thought. Usually my blog posts have some direct correlation to my life, and while I certainly CAN talk about Josh forever, I'm pretty sure you don't want to read about it.

Then I began to think of all you teen ladies at Christchurch in Newport. About how I want to share in this season with you-- clue you in on things I'm learning or nuggets I've picked up along the way for when you're in perhaps a similar season: This blog post is for you.

Pretend we're sitting in Bob McCan's office with pizza and cans at a typical LIFE meeting. (oh how I miss those!) Pull out your sheet of paper; let's talk.

You know how we hear about how people in relationships are "praying for God's will" all the time. Well...what exactly is that? What does that mean? How do you do that in a relationship? How do you know if a guy is "the one" you're supposed to marry?

You ask yourself: Is his character good enough? Are you attracted to him enough? Will he be faithful to you? Will he be a good provider? Will he love you well? Will he be a good dad?

The "evaluation" questions are endless.

And they are good questions- certainly practicals to consider and get other's observations and counsel on, no doubt.

But I wonder if in only praying through the character of the MAN, we miss hearing from God.

I have attempted to make it common practice at times in my relationships to "set aside" the evaluation part of the relationship in prayer, and instead SEEK THE LORD about His will. Here's what I mean:

I'm a hairstylist. I've heard TONS of stories. Men who've been unfaithful in their marriages. Men who are strong godly leaders and then 10 years into their marriage decide they're not a Christian and leave. Men who die unexpectedly at a young age. I would be a fool to think that "those things couldn't happen to me" no matter how wonderful a man's character might be. I can't know what God has in store.

And...it's possible. My future husband could be unfaithful. We could get to our honeymoon, and he could tell me he's been lying to me about some huge secret that I never could've guessed that affects me dramatically. He could tragically die much sooner than old age. He could have a disease he doesn't know about that we accidentally give to all of our children...and then he could pass away...leaving me with very ill children to provide and care for. Maybe 20 years into our marriage he decides that there's a major part of the Gospel he doesn't see the same as he once did and I'm confused about how to follow him. Maybe just 2 years into it he tells me one night, "I'm not sure what I believe anymore..."

The thing I'm seeking to do in this season of prayer, is hear from the Lord...that EVEN IF one or all of those things took place...could I with confidence, look back and know that I heard from the Lord that I was to marry that man. That it pleased God for me to commit my life to be faithful and serve this soul. When the romantic feelings wax and wane later in life (I hear they do), will I, before the Lord, have peace that I didn't rush into a decision emotionally, but I sought His face...and His will even above my own. Is my love for this man based on GOD'S love for me and not his love for me-- do I believe God is calling me to love this man no matter what he does, who he becomes, what he believes in the future, or what trials we face?

If the answer is "no"...that shouldn't scare us. It's not necessarily a reflection of us...or our willingness to work hard at relationships. The Lord just might simply not be leading us to marry that man.

...because, here's the thing: there's only one man the Lord does lead us to marry. Just one.

This is about me and God. Me trusting my future with HIM. Is HE leading me to this man?

What happens in the future is out of my control. But I know and trust the One who is in control and who has marked all of my days. I just want to do my part to seek HIM in this decision and commitment.

These considerations have helped me pursue sober-mindedness...in what can be a very wonderfully "cloudy" time. I have found great comfort in the faithfulness of God, the power of His promises, the gift of infallible Scripture, and the joy of knowing that "A man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." (Proverbs 16:9)

I pray something in here is of some use to someone...somewhere...at some time.

Filadelphia to Phlorida.

2011-04-22T05:45:00.000-07:00

Well. It was all in the works on my last post, but now it's official.

Josh will be a resident of Florida on Wednesday of this week!

Since he just graduated when we started dating- he was job searching in PA while maintaining his part-time job he'd had in school. After a little over a month of dating, he asked me about beginning to include Orlando as another location to search for jobs.

Then. A BUNCH of crazy and random (things are never random) situations and circumstances happened in just the way that increased his need for a job here immediately, OR that would commit him to PA through the summer. Out of no where, God miraculously provided him a job and a moving-time that...literally, couldn't be more perfect. (If I were to write details, this post would literally be categorized into "chapters" and would be pages and pages long.)

God made the situation look impossible. I knew it was because He wanted to build my confidence that 1. either HE was going to do something when I could do nothing else, and I would see it is HIS will, or 2. He was going to show us, "This is not my will- this is not my timing." Both would've been an answer to prayer...as we were praying God would reveal His will.

Time with the Lord has been so sweet. He is faithful to grow our love and affection for Him when He reveals our need to be fully dependent on Him for prayer, direction, and wisdom. The Gospel is beautiful.

Josh and I are going from 1,006 miles apart to 4.7 :)

GOODBYE LONG-DISTANCE!!!

It's about time you hear the story...

2011-04-05T17:34:00.000-07:00

I have a "random friend." (A few actually.) The one I'm referring to is named Danielle. I call her one of my "soul" friends. She's actually how I found out about the GAP Team and the opportunity to live in Wales.

We met at a conference 5 years ago and swapped email addresses. Many emails, prayer phone calls, and a few visits later, she invited me to her very small destination wedding in Highlands, NC the Monday before this last Christmas.

Through a series of dumbfounding providential events, I was able to go...when, by the looks of all circumstances...shouldn't have been the case.

I went to the wedding several days early to spend time with her and help with the "getting ready." When I asked how I could help, she informed me that the best man needed to be picked up from the airport. The groom's brother was supposed to be his ride, but had his appendix removed the week before and wasn't allowed to drive.

The nearest airport was a 3 hour drive away.

I called the best man on my way so he'd have my number in case his flight got delayed or something. He'd graduated earlier that DAY with a double bachelors in Biblical Studies and Business Administration from PBU. (Philadelphia Biblical University)

"Welcome to the wedding weekend!" was my pre-meditated greeting at baggage claim with no hand shake and no hug- also pre-meditated. I hate awkwardness. I wanted to be prepared.

Well, given his studies and my love for doctrine, and business experience...added to our shared love for other countries/cultures and travel overseas...conversation was easy. Very easy. The 3 hours flew. I'm a hairstylist-- I talk to strangers for a living. And he was a really seriously cute stranger. :) My mom told me the next day, "How was picking up the best man from the airport? Is he cute? I prayed he was cute..." Only my mother.

There was much hype over the weekend (ignored by both of us) with everyone and their mother trying to set us up; some were subtle, others blatantly obvious. We pretended it didn't exist. We were even independently reminding the bride and groom that it was THEIR weekend!

The cake pull and guarder toss were even rigged so we'd have a picture together.

World, meet Joshua Morrison.

I hoped he'd call.

He didn't.

For weeks.

But.

Then.

He did. :)

I wish you could've heard my scream and witnessed my jumping up and down. "EM! EM! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Guess who's calling?!" I couldn't answer the phone-- I was too excited. Emily was in the hallway hitting me telling me to get it-- I ran into the living room, cleared my throat and calmly and softly answered, "Hello?"

...and I'd missed his call.

Rang back right away and we set up a time to talk later because I was headed out the door...and he was asking if I had time to "talk."

Loved that. Loved his intentionality when we did talk later that night. His clear communication- his boldness, his intent.

He asked if he could start calling me regularly and we agreed to start getting to know each other over the phone.

...and then I drilled him with questions about his doctrine. And was surprisingly...very impressed. Both with his submission to Scripture and humility in how he communicates his perspective. His humility was (and is :) a noted strength. His love for Scripture obvious. And His affection for God contagious.

A week and a half of that turned into dating.

Which turned into him vising Orlando over my Birthday weekend. And me heading to Philly for a long weekend. And then me heading back to Philly again a few weeks later (my last wedding-free weekend until June!) for a road trip together to VA and then NC so he could meet my siblings, and I could meet the rest of his. (He has nine. Yes. NINE.) And I returned to Orlando this Monday.

---------------------------------------------

That is a very self-controlled, detail-free (can you believe it?) version of my side of the story.

Long distance is not-so-much-fun but skype has been a great help. Things are going well! I'm pretty crazy about him.

Here are a few more pics for your enjoyment :)

Oh. And this is my excuse for not blogging in so long.

"Lord, give me favour."

2011-03-23T04:56:00.000-07:00

I pray this often for my business. Before I arrive to an appointment. While I'm cutting or coloring. Probably my most frequent business prayer. (Immediately followed by, "Give me opportunities to minister to people" and "Please save _____"...)

...and God has deemed it wise to answer that request (and the others) in a way that I can clearly see and understand in this season.

I love my job. Absolutely LOVE it.

Business is going so well. This week alone I have SIX brand new clients. Six. NEW clients. First time appointments. Between Tuesday and Friday. That's insane.

At the beginning of January, I hired a dear friend for two hours a week to do some emails/admin stuff for me. It was just too much for me to handle it all. We had a six week trial...and after the six weeks, I asked her to work everyday. She has made SUCH a difference. I have no idea how I lived before her. Seriously...how in the world did I attempt to do ALL of THAT?! She is efficient, takes initiative, is friendly AND professional, oober organized...my clients love her. She takes all of my appointments for me (which frees me up on Sunday morning when clients at church ask for an appointment-- I just tell them I don't keep my schedule anymore, they'll have to talk to her! :) She records all of our interactions with brides through David's Bridal (which has been picking up like crazy...I'm practically booked every weekend until June!) and she just...makes my life...so much easier.

I am now free from constantly writing things on my hand (ok, not TOTALLY free ;) or a nearby napkin, etc. My iPad has also made a huge difference in having organized thoughts and cutting down on tasks that took hours out of each week. I praise God for the gift of my "Scheduling Coordinator" and my iPad very very often. My life looks so different than it did 3 months ago.

This is a gift of God. It is His choosing. And I know that at any moment...He can take it away and it can all fizzle. And if that happens, it's ok. Because its all for Him anyways.

I don't have big career dreams. If I'm able to hire more staff (which I've been looking to do) and eventually get the business running to where it doesn't need me as a stylist/make-up artist anymore...then sure. That's wonderful :) But if it just collapses on itself out of no where...or God prompts me to lay it down...I'm perfectly fine with that. It's just for a season--

I regularly am fighting the temptations of the culture-- to always be "bigger" and "better." The two purposes of beginning this business were to 1. Provide for myself financially, and 2. Create an opportunity to witness/minister to people.

Both of those objectives are happening. And at an increasing rate! There's no pressure or stress to be the biggest hair and make-up vendor for weddings, or the most successful Deva curl stylist in Orlando (though, I'm the only one...so, I guess technically hold the title...) I will pursue hiring more staff as the appointments demand it, and I will certainly continue talking to girls about how their curls can be what they've always dreamed...but I want my focus to stay the same. This isn't about hair or business. This is about the glory of God. (Remind me of that if I seem overwhelmed the next time we talk.)

If you'd like to witness the favour I'm talking about...check this out. These are (to my knowledge) all unbelievers that God has just given me favour with. Please pray that curly hair is just a means to talking about the Gospel! And marvel with me at the kindness of God displayed here...

...all you're witnessing...is answer to prayer.

Praise His Name.

A parent's influence on faith...

2011-02-05T13:26:00.000-08:00

Not too long ago, I received a request to post about my parent's influence on my faith.

Wow. How long do you have?

Many things come to mind. Examples of things I believe my parents did exceptionally well (that I have every intention of implementing into my own parenting should the Lord bring that season to me), and even examples they'd readily confess as mistakes. God uses it all for good.

Asking for a testimony and input are different. But. I'm going to do both-- my input is free and is void of experience. So, take it with a grain of salt. (I don't really know where that expression came from...but...maybe take it with LOTS of salt.)

Two things come to mind that scream stronger than even the examples I could give of my parent's influence on me. I'm not a parent. But this is my counsel:

1. Pray and trust God.

2. Be faithful.

Only God can save souls. We must believe and live this-- there is freedom in it. My personal perspective is that children should be taught at a young age that they are unbelievers and need to be changed by Jesus. We can't care about a Saviour we don't know our need for! I see how discipline can function as the "law" in that it reveals sin. We need to see our sin in order to be able to repent for it, receive forgiveness, and be changed.

I see and hear often in the American culture an "including" of kids as Believers in a parent's speech-- "Us as Christians" or "Because we're a Christian family." Oh it pains my heart to wonder how many "Christians" in America have false assurance influenced by their parents. May God give us wisdom as to how to communicate with children not-yet saved about His love for them, and their need for Him.

My parents trusted God. Even in my rebellious years in High School. They sought the Lord diligently as to how to deal with me...even in my rebellion, I knew this. I knew they were praying.

One night I will never forget- I was somewhere I shouldn't've been, with people I shouldn't've been with, doing things they shouldn't've been doing and my mom called. Asked where I was. Wasn't comfortable with my answer and asked me to please come home. I put up a fight. She insisted, but offered to stay up as late as I wanted and said I could invite my best friend and boyfriend at the time over to be at our house.

I took full advantage of that opportunity and kept her up until 3am. She sat in our living room. Reading her Bible and praying the entire time. I will never forget that.

At the time, I didn't care. I thought her time was worthless-- oh, it grieves me to say that. But I actually did. I don't even think I thanked her. And it is so humbling to consider the depth of forgiveness and mercy she has extended to me over the years. I am a Christian because Jesus saved me, yes. I am also a Christian, because God chose to use the prayers of my faithful mother to soften my heart and draw me to Himself. My soul soars with gratitude.

Pray for your children. Entrust them to God.

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it" Proverbs promises us. There is training involved. Yes.

My parents excelled in this. From taking advantage of opportunities to shelter us from worldly influences, to other opportunities to TEACH us discernment-- engaging with us in the culture and drawing our attention to how to interact with sin or unbelievers while keeping our hearts away from temptation. Showing us how to be in the world...but not of it.

My dad viewed our childhood as preparation for adulthood. I hated it. I always had to do hard things none of my friends ever had to do. I bought my own clothes. Got a job at 15. We didn't get allowance-- my dad always said, "People give their kids allowance to teach them how to manage money. You can't manage money if you don't know how to make it." :) I'm not dogging allowance. We did get it one time (and laugh/mock my parents about it now!) But in hindsight, I so appreciate the perspective.

At almost 25 (gulp! I feel old!) I attribute much of my life experience and I guess you could say, worldly "accomplishments" to the faithful training of my parents. When strangers marvel that I've lived overseas and have my own business so young, I immediately talk about my parents. Don't give me credit for this. They're the ones who've taught me. This is grace on my life. They've taught me how to take initiative, be responsible...and...to make my faith my own. Challenging me, encouraging me, asking me hard questions...all the while lavishing me with love even when I KNOW they disagreed with my decisions.

I know what it looks like to trust God because I've watched my mom. She faithfully has risen early to read and pray. She prays like no other soul I've ever encountered. She prays for people she's never met, but only heard about...and at times is properly burdened for them. Losing sleep because she is up at night- praying because she feels prompted to. Unbelievable.

My dad gets excited about what God is doing. He is a man of faith. This "excitement" has totally rubbed off on me. I don't know if its part of our personality (I'm a lot like my dad) or if I've been trained by his example, but my dad is always buzzing about a new book he's read or some new truth he's discovered.

As we've gotten older, our parents have transitioned from "authority" to being our friends. I talk to my mom almost every day. She knows my life like no one else on this earth. She has taken the time to learn and "study" my relationships-- she knows people all over the world by name, and has never seen their faces...just from listening to me and my life. (These are some of the people she prays for!) My parents are my biggest supporters. They think the world of me (as all parents do of their children) and tell each of us time and again how proud they are of us. Not just of our accomplishments (though my dad genuinely thinks I could own a salon in NYC...how sweet) but they tell us how proud of US they are. WHO we are. What we've become.

They will be the first to tell you: IT IS ALL OF GRACE. I will echo their song.

Grace covers sin. Even sin in parenting. We will fail. Grace is bigger than sin. Let us rejoice!

Creator God

2011-01-27T23:19:00.001-08:00

It is with absolute joy that I share with you the following thoughts from one of my most recent favourite authors, Josh Morrison.

I love how in this description of God...in this marveling, worshiping, adoring and praising that the author is doing, he invites us, the readers to join him in extolling and honoring the majesty of the Almighty in our hearts. We hear of his affection for God and are beckoned to come join him.

As I sang, "How Great Thou Art" this morning, this recent article came to mind-- I had to share it with you. Too good to keep to myself; let me know what you think.

Read slowly and savor the words...

CREATIVE POTENTAL

"From where do creative conceptualizations arrive? All that is, exists out of the infinite mind of One that is neither contained nor constrained. Creative power is only truly present within one; within this One all that could be is contained in such a way that boundaries are boundless. As created in the likeness of God Almighty, mankind has creative ability that flows not independent of God but from Him from whom all proceeds. Mankind’s furthest grasp on the unreachable only leaves an infinite chasm of creative potential that resides forever in the nature of the only true creative being, Creator God. It is the tendency of man to quickly congratulate the imagination and mastery of creative endeavors seen within one’s fellow man. Yet is this not a misplaced recognition from where creative aptitude finds its origin? Consider the depths of the oceans and the heights of mountain peaks, yet taken for granted is the very ability to conventionalize such ranges in majesty. It was the design of God and projections of the creative mind of God that allows the human mind to dream past that which is flat. Unfathomable galaxies that reach into the vast unknown stretch the mind of man in a way that limits never could. With limits there exists confinement and fullest potential to be achieved. But because man is the image of the limitless One, there is no reason to place a limit on that which is possible. It is not man that creates but God that created. Creation was from the beginning a reflection of the One that determined its beginning. The creative potential is there within man and demands praise and admiration to the One from whom all creative potential derives. This is He who’s vast limits exist not, who’s unsearchable mind is confined not, who’s infinite power is grasped not, and who neither has end of days nor beginning; this is the Lord God Most High."

Prayer.

2011-01-23T11:38:00.000-08:00

A wise Biblical Scholar requested I blog about prayer. For many reasons, I had to agree.

He asked I answer the following question:

"What affect does our prayer have on God’s mind?"

It's a great question. And as I've considered how to answer, I am grievously convicted. For that which I know, is not my practice or experience. I sadly am struggling to live this. So it's ironic that I'm blogging about this- especially today.

Recently, God has been revealing my distorted view of Him, and His gifts. How He gives good things to His children-- He is not spiteful. Nor does He give only to take away. Sometimes He gives and sustains. Often, I forget that's true. I'm always sort of "ready" for him to take. Sometimes even bracing myself...knowing He'll be faithful and carry me; He'll see me through whatever trial He's brought; but strapping my seatbelt on and getting ready for pain. Oh, how it must sadden His heart...how wrongly I view Him and His grace...

There's no reason to "hold on tight." He is the One holding me. And He is the Healer of my heart. His love towards me is not restricted or constrained in any way. It is a powerful, boisterous love that has no limits or boundaries. Tears come to my eyes even as I type. Father, let me believe this- help me in my unbelief!

So, I apologize-- in the midst of this answer, because I cannot separate the two, this post will be seasoned with my personal wrestlings of that which I know is true...because I believe its the heart of the answer.

This morning I felt impressed to pray something I once read in The Valley of Vision- a book of Puritan prayers.

"Burn into my experience the things that I know." May this be true of all of us. Would we learn to not just be convinced of truth with a fervent head knowledge...but would our hearts embrace the grace available to us to put our faith IN the God who tells us He can always be trusted. Our prayer life, I believe, is a reflection of our trust in God and His promises.

...all of that was free.

So.

Why pray? That's foundational in understanding even the question itself. If God is sovereign, all wise, all loving, and cannot do amiss...why even bother asking or petitioning? He's going to do what He's going to do anyways. And if He doesn't do something, it's better than what we asked. Let's just let Him do His thing.

But as I stare at the question, all I see here in answering: is the heart of the Gospel. The only thing ringing through my ears is, "Abba."

He loves us. He loves to communicate with us. His heart towards us is one of grace, steadfast love, welcoming, and a desire for nearness. He longs to bless us. To pour out His goodness on us- to teach of more of Himself, thereby satisfying the very core of who we are as beings. Fulfilling our ultimate goal: to know the Uncreated. To be in relationship with Him. Communing with Him. Adoring and worshiping Him. Enjoying life to the fullest.

These things are only possible through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. As enemies of God, we have no need or reason to pray-- except to beg for mercy. As believers, fellow heirs with Christ, and children of God, we have every reason and need to pray.

I think of the question, "Why pray?" and my mind floods with Scripture. "Pray without ceasing." "You do not have because you do not ask." "Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you." I am reminded of the parable of the persistent widow who was shown mercy even by an unjust judge due to her perseverance.

I think of Jesus' example to us-- of constant and continual "retreating" for prayer. GOD was praying. The Son to the Father.

We pray because we are commanded to...and if we love God, we obey His commands. We pray because we want to be like Jesus...and that's what He did.

Also. We pray because we need to...for our own edification and building up in faith. Prayer is one means of grace used to draw our attention to the faithfulness of God. If we neglect to pray, we miss out on all that He's answering and working...because we're not looking for it.

A very wise man once told me (I'm paraphrasing), "What we're looking for, we find." I found that profound. In this particular case, if I'm praying and asking God to work...I'm looking for it and expectant. And because God is faithful and always working...I am guaranteed to find His hand moving. Which will then only build my faith to pray and ask more.

But "Why pray" isn't the same question. The question above understands that prayer is commanded and essential. It is not questioning the importance of a prayer life. However, I didn't feel like I could answer what effect our prayers have on the mind of God without explaining a bit of WHY Scripture instructs us to pray.

The answer, I believe, is simple and brief (even though this post is not!)

I believe our prayers stir the heart of God because of His great love for us. His power and love are most gloriously displayed on the cross- where we are justified and adopted as His children.

An earthly father, when His child asks for a fish...does not give Him a stone. How much more does our Heavenly Father know how to give good gifts to His children!

It makes me wonder too...if when we are praying fervently and passionately for something consistently and constantly...if in fact, WE change. And as a result of that change-- knowing God more, trusting Him more, casting our cares on Him, being satisfied with His will and praying for that above our own, etc...

...if then the trial or circumstance we were in was there merely to be a means of change for us. It's not about the answered requests. It's about our hearts.

God is after our hearts.

I don't know how it all works. Scripture indicates a few times that God changed His mind. I don't get that-- its a mystery to me. But this is what I do know: God loves us to pray, because He loves to minister to us and do more than we could ever ask or imagine.

WE are the ones who miss out when we neglect to be faithful in our prayer life. We're forfeiting blessings, gifts, joy, and the beauty of knowing God more.

So, go pray for something! Whatever's on your heart right now...

Requests

2011-01-23T11:37:00.000-08:00

If you could request a blog post topic- what would you choose?

Hope fully. Grace will be brought to you.

2011-01-01T13:41:00.001-08:00

As I enjoy a small coffee and blueberry muffin and sit at a coffee bar in an airport, I eagerly anticipate the next few moments as I review with you how God has just met me in the pages of Scripture...

Funny, isn't it, how hungry our hearts can get when not in the regular "routine" of "typical" time with the Lord. At least, that's the case for me. Two and a half weeks ago my holiday began and right now...I couldn't be more excited about being home with the Morgans, weather that doesn't require doubled socks in my boots and winter coats, and not living out of a suitcase. It has been an absolutely wonderful trip. So relaxing, lots of rejoicing and celebrating...and yet...times of "quiet" have been few.

Before just moments ago, I hadn't journaled since the 13th of December. That's a long time for me.

After arriving at my gate to wait a few hours before boarding, I opened my journal and began to write. Reviewing the highs and lows of 2010. Recording earthly "expectations" and wonderings for 2011. Thrilled for how God will work. Excited to see specific demonstrations of His faithfulness. Anticipating Him drawing my heart. Awaiting comfort. Leading. Discipline. Ministry.

I flipped back over the last few months of journal entrys--- skimming to better reflect on how God's been meeting me. And then I saw it. On the top left corner....

...a verse that would captivate my attention for the better part of an hour: 1 Peter 1:13

"...preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you..."

These are the notes in my journal that were soon written:

Oh, glory.

It finishes "...at the revelation of Jesus Christ."

Grace will be brought TO YOU. You don't have to search for it. It is brought. It's brought when Christ is revealed.

Christ's revelation = Grace brought

Not just, "put some hope in" like "this'd be a good investment..." but SET your hope FULLY on grace....that will...

...this is FUTURE grace. (will.) Future promised grace. Set your hope FULLY ON IT!

For who hopes for what he sees?

Lord, let me hope. With patience.

This "setting" of hope on future PROMISED grace is done when my mind is PREPARED. FOR. ACTION.

This will be a fight. There will be fighting against this hoping. Against setting hope on future grace.

And. A sober mind is required.

Be prepared. FOR ACTION.

Be sober minded.

SET HOPE. FULLY.

on grace.

Grace that will be BROUGHT.

Brought TO YOU.

Brought to you as Christ is revealed.

I cannot hope without a sober mind.

I cannot hope without being prepared for action.

God is saying in effect,

"Through revealing my Son...I will BRING TO YOU: GRACE. Now I want you to put ALL of your hope on it."

As I read and wrote I was struck by the perfect timing of this verse for me today. What better time to be refreshed in hoping than in a New Year?

Sure. We need fresh hope each and every day. Each and every moment of each and every day. But there is something unique about the date changing. A page turning. A new beginning.

Father, as we enter this year, would you help us to set our hope fully on grace. The grace that you will bring. Thank you for your promises, thank you for your faithfulness, thank you for your Word. Meet us this year. May we know you more. May our love for you be set ablaze. Revive our hearts. Ignite new passion. Captivate our minds. Would we worship you with true abandon and seek to honour you by giving ourselves fully to Your will and Your work. Make us like Jesus, we pray. Give us new hope.

Leach Family Update Dec 2010

2010-12-29T14:45:00.000-08:00

There's a chance you'll be receiving this letter from my mom in the mail in just a few weeks...but here you go anyways. :)

Janelle here again. Wow. Time really does fly as you get older. I remember thinking how old people who said that were. And now here I am. Feeling old. How in the world does this happen? Another year has come and gone?!

Goodness, 2011. That makes JJ 28 next June. Katie turning 27, me 25 (I just gagged!), and Joy 23- all in February. Justin turns 8 this year. Wait. That can’t be right. 21?! TWENTY ONE in April. (Oh, Lord, help us.) Surely there is something wrong with this picture.

JJ and Katie have yet ANOTHER addition to their family! Hudson William born August 13th. (Oh how I hope every “Christmas letter” contains family addition news.) Jack turned 2 in November and he and Hudson dominate the “cuteness factor” in the world. We aren’t bias. We just happen to have the most adorable boys on the face of the planet as a part of our family. No sense in denying it.

JJ’s cracking on (as they’d say in the UK) with work for Henrico County as a fire medic. He got his certification as a technical rescue specialist- wahoo! He also attended a FEMA Disaster Medical Specialist class in Texas last spring. So if you really want a visit from JJ, just make sure your geographical location has a disaster this year. He’ll come rescue you.

Katie graduated!!! We are so proud of her! She now has a Masters in Counseling Education and her degree is currently “on hold” as she raises and trains two boys. (Far more work than a full
time job.) Hudson’s arrival was a bit of a surprise, and Katie has done a great job making adjustments needed to welcome him to the world and prepare for his arrival. Her days consist of diapers, laundry, meal-making, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. etc. etc. She is amazing at what she does!

“Jack Attack.” What a stud. He’s walking and nearly talking. He can communicate without a hitch- and if you ask me, he sees no reason to talk. We understand him, he understands us…why not just chill out? He adores his little brother and loves hugging him and kissing him. Dinosaurs and books are his favourite; especially books where you have to “find the animal.” He’s very good with his animals.

Hudson is 4 months. He doesn’t do anything but eat, poop, and drool, but he does them all WONDERFULLY and is entirely adorable! And we love him.

I have taken this year to attempt adjusting back to the American culture. It has taken even longer than expected; I miss proper sarcasm tremendously. “Rubbish, brilliant, cheers, boot, gutting and mingin’” are still consistently coming out of my mouth and unnecessary “u”s are regularly found in my spelling. I am living in Orlando with an amazing family and have begun my own “on location” business doing hair and make-up. Janelle on Location became an LLC (Limited Liability Company) officially in June. We are the preferred vendor at the David’s Bridal in Orlando and are working on continuing to build clientele. I am hiring some administrative help at the beginning of this year and cannot wait to see its effect! Feel free to take a look at my website(s): www.janelleonlocation.com and spread the word—we travel world-wide! I’m currently saving my extra babysitting money for a trip to Wales this year- I miss the culture (and the people) so much!

Joy Leach. What a spectacular student. Joy graduated in May from Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Michigan. She enjoyed her last summer this year as the water front intern at Young Life’s Lake Champion in New York. She went to nationals this year for diving and pole vaulting AND placed top twenty in BOTH! She just finished a semester of student teaching in Chicago and is officially DONE with school! Well, as a student anyways. She got her degree in Special Education and is considering taking a teaching position in Richmond and living with JJ and Katie and the boys for a bit. Another option is to head to New York and crash with my parents to roll in the cash as a nanny before starting to settle anywhere. OR. She could take a semester to travel all over the States to visit some very-missed Young Life friends at every corner of the continent. Verdict is still out. Keep up with her at: http://joyleach.blogspot.com/

Justin planned to head back to ODU this fall but was last minute, unexpectedly offered a place on a travel hockey team in Massachusetts. He took the opportunity and moved right outside of Boston for a few months. After discovering dynamics were a bit different than “advertised” to him, he transferred to a team in Wilkes-Barre, Scranton (Yay for The Office!) in Pennsylvania. He is a born leader and has already improved his game so much. He’s learning a lot “about life” as he often says, and we are grateful he still has all of his teeth so far. All of this has just evidenced his love for hockey even more—it seems he’s considering a future coaching the sport or being an athletic director of some kind.

Daddy and Mommy are still in Manhattan! Daddy’s working at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital in cardiac post-operative ICU. He had some emergency surgery this summer but has recovered well and we are grateful for your prayers. He is taking classes at NYU in Nursing Administration and is enjoying that. He’s committed to learning! “Poppi” loves Jack and Hudson and he and “Mimi” visit Richmond often.

Mommy has adjusted outstandingly to life in New York City. Every time she tells me she’s getting on or off the subway I am amazed! She took a nanny job at the beginning of November (after interviewing with everyone and their mother—she was in high demand!) and immediately (as always) has fallen completely in love with the kids. There are 2- ages 2 and 6 months. “Mimi” is the best grandmother in the world and takes any and EVERY opportunity to see her grandsons. She and my dad have taken time this year to visit each of us kids in our respective cities and states. It’s always so fun to have them come into our “other worlds.”

Well, I guess that just about wraps it up for the Leach clan. I’m sure it’ll feel like tomorrow that I’m writing you about what we’re thinking 2012 will look like. We love you and hope to see you soon. Have a great year enjoying the faithful hand of God working in your life!

Conviction vs. Preference

2010-12-21T10:00:00.000-08:00

So maybe my definitions are wrong.

Maybe I don't understand. Maybe my perspective is off.

But I can't help but wonder at the placement we, as Christians, give the words "conviction" and "preference." Sometimes, they're interchangeable. And from my understanding...they shouldn't be.

Sometimes we mean conviction but say preference because we're fearing man. And don't want others to think we're being self-righteous or "holier than thou."

Other times we say conviction but mean preference and are judging others for being licentious or not quite as strong in their pursuit of holiness. When in reality, the Bible speaks nothing directly of the thing that we hold a "conviction" about. A synonym for conviction is "doctrine." That should open our eyes. Would we say "xyz" is our DOCTRINE?

I think a better understanding of these words and what they communicate, would do a great service to both the Church and unbelievers alike.

In my perspective, conviction needs to be based on truth. Unquestionable, unalterable, clear-as-day truth found in Scripture. A sin to not walk out. It is not dependent on culture. Or upbringing. It's irrelevant what past teaching has been on right or wrong...or even what's most comfortable to us. Conviction is from the Holy Spirit and birthed in our hearts through the Living Word of God. (At least, in my opinion.)

For example. To say we have a "conviction" about something that Scripture doesn't speak to specifically, I think is often a dis-service to our audience. A "conviction" to not be alone with someone of the opposite sex one on one. Such a preference can be great wisdom!!! But if you were kidnapped and held hostage along with someone of the opposite sex...surely that wouldn't be SIN.

In calling something a "conviction", shouldn't the isolated act or thing be sin if it is (or is not) done? Otherwise...its just a preference.

Preferences can change. And do change. Convictions should not.

A preference about when to kiss your boyfriend in your relationship, or how many beers is the limit for you...is unique. TO YOU. Preferences cannot be put onto others-- there's no room for it. You have yours, I have mine. No judgement should be passed.

And IN those preferences, we can hold the conviction that sexual immorality is always sin. And the Bible is clear that we are not to get drunk.

But we must stop there. We can not "add to" what the Bible says is sin with our ideas of how to "best stay away" and then judge others if we think they're getting "too close."

We can prefer. We have room to. But its when we hold others to the standard of "our preference" and not the Word of God and the Word of God ALONE that we become man-centered. We develop opinions about others that are irrelevant. It doesn't matter what we think.

Life is not like facebook. You don't get to "comment."

I've had this conversation with several people in the recent past...just thought it deserved a post.

Thoughts? Comments?

2010-12-12T17:25:00.000-08:00

This is my best friend from High School, Vanessa. What a dear one she is to me. The kindness of one of my mom's friends driving me to Richmond a day later than I planned, enabled me to hug her neck. What an amazing gift.

Her mom was recently diagnosed with cancer, so please join me in praying for her and her family. For the promises of God to envelope their hearts, and fill them with fresh hope and faith. Each and every single day.

And this is Vanessa's little sister :) She's 8 months old. Precious Lainey Grace.

I was also able to have coffee with sweet Kelly and her darling Will. Kelly was my Girls Bible Study leader in middle school, my 10th grade Bible teacher, and a mentor for YEARS. Such a wise woman who loves the Lord. What a treat.

Home Town

2010-12-12T17:19:00.000-08:00

I apologize that these posts are horrendously out of order.

After Thanksgiving, I traveled to Charlottesville.

And enjoyed some Bodos with a precious friend I've known since I was 4. I haven't seen her since her wedding 2.5 years ago!

Turkey on whole wheat with muenster cheese melted, lettuce, tomato, and avocado spread.

Everytime.

Also. Running into people from High School.

Everytime.

This picture means so much to me. Jean is on the left. Judy on the right. They (and my aunt Judy) are my hairstylist heros. Up-do Queens. When I was assisting at Bristles when I was 15, they would pull me aside and teach me "tricks" and show me how to save time and achieve the same look. I respect them so much and it was a joy to see them again. It is the grace of their investment in me that I'm where I am today and loving my job.

And THESE are some wonderful High School friends. John, Karen, Lisa and Chris. It was absolutely wonderful to see them, hug their necks, and catch up. It also. made me feel very old.

T-day Leach style

2010-12-12T17:06:00.000-08:00

To back up a little, Thanksgiving with the Leach fam was splendid. I hadn't seen Joy in nearly 11 months- it will be a year at Christmas since I've seen Justin. Praise the Lord for the technology of cell phones. Or. "Mobiles" as my mind still calls them.

"Mimi and Poppi" as adorable and madly in love as ever.

JJ and Katie opened their home for yet ANOTHER sibling and extended family invasion.

Our new little man! Hudson William. With his aunties who were mostlikely fighting over him right before this picture. Chances are...I won.

My favourite boys in the entire universe. (How big is Jack?! I swear. The farther away you live, the faster they grow up.)

How is it that we love other human beings SO MUCH when they're "ours"...I don't get it. Can't imagine what its like to have ones that are REALLY "yours." Oh, the love. Makes the Gospel that much sweeter. Amazing that He gave His own Son, isn't it?

2010-12-12T16:57:00.000-08:00

SNOW in NC

2010-12-12T16:50:00.000-08:00

The family I live with, the Morgans, took their first annual holiday trip to "East Jabib" as my dad would call it, to the snowy mountains of North Carolina to show the kids some snow.

Because they so lovingly consider me "family" in even the practicals of life...they sweetly insisted I come...while releasing me if I had work I needed to do.

Of course, I went. And we had a most wonderful time! ROAD TRIP.

Sophie and I treckin' up the mountain in a 4-wheel drive Jeep because our van wouldn't make it.

They are amazing!

Servanthood.

2010-12-04T06:08:00.002-08:00

Meet Chris and Emily. I live with them. They. Are wonderful. And if they don't kick me out before the third week of January...this will officially be the longest place I've lived in the last 6 years.

They let me have parties in their house. Often. We always have tons of dishes to wash the next morning after we pack the dishwasher full and run it overnight.

I got up early this morning to finish them (because Emily is far too eager to serve me and always beats me to it)...

...and both Emily and I woke up to the dishes being completely done- counter spotless...

and Chris left her a post-it note,

"I love you this much."

And it was so sweet, I thought the world should know.

Not only was Emily blessed and left only falling in love with her husband more, but I also am enjoying EXTRA time with the Lord this morning and savoring every second in this busy time of year.

Grace is such a sweet thing.

Quote

2010-11-29T20:31:00.000-08:00

I saw a wise friend this weekend.

We chatted about my last blog post. She commented wisely and humorously,

"Free counsel is worth as much as you paid for it."

"I just want you to pray."

2010-11-26T20:16:00.000-08:00

It's so easy isn't it?

To add our two cents of what we think a friend should be doing. Or how they should view their situation or circumstance. We attempt to encourage them with truth they already know. And all they asked was for us to pray for them as they're wrestling with things.

We want to "fix" it.

We don't want them to struggle.

But. When a friend is just being human...our weak attempts of "building them up" can easily come across as input. Instruction. Even correction or minimizing of their struggle.

Years ago a wise woman once explained to me how she appealed to a "fix-it-friend" and asked if her friend could just let her struggle. She knew the truth. She was fighting to believe it. And yet, amidst her human-ness, it seemed her friend was simply bypassing the "struggle" part and wanting her to "arrive" on the other side. When what she really needed...was to be ministered to amidst and in the struggle. No rushing ahead. Simply enduring pain or forbearing circumstances. Someone to rub her back amidst all the mess and tell her, "I'm sorry." and pray with her. and for her.

She wasn't asking for a circumstantial change. Or even complaining about what was transpiring. She was asking for a friend to bear her burdens with her.

It's easy to do. We want to help. We mean well. It's only our love that's being revealed.

But when a friend is struggling, and something is difficult...when someone's grieving, or there's not really much to say...

...often we can help the most when we keep our mouths shut. When we don't try to pretend like we understand. Or explain to them how we can in some way relate.

Nope. Sometimes no words are what serve best. Letting each other be weak, and be a mess. And asking God to fill our hearts with hope and fresh faith.

I am reminded of Job and the additional agony his friends brought him amidst his need to just be cared for. I think there is so much for us to learn in this story...

And I am reminded of Jesus. And how He asked His friends to pray with Him in the Garden...the hour of His greatest need. And they fell asleep on Him. May we respond in grace as Christ did when we find ourselves on the other side of the scenario as well...

And may we learn to JUST PRAY for our loved ones when they need it.

The worst that could happen...

2010-11-15T12:53:00.000-08:00

So, in owning my own business, I'd say the temptation to worry about "doing things right" financially has increased tremendously. What about taxes, what about marketing, what about maintaining clients...yadda yadda yadda. It feels like my "human responsibility" in life has like quadroupled.

Do you feel like that? Like you're trying to keep up with life?

I don't know what I'm doing in having this business. I feel like its what God's lead me to do for this season. So I'm doing it. But, I don't know all the laws and rules and forms and...stuff I don't even know to mention because I don't know about it...

Sure, I'm asking a lot of questions and getting a lot of help from others...but what if I miss something major?

Today I drove around running errands, and verbally confessed aloud once again my anxiety. Repenting. Asking God to help me trust Him. Confessing to Him that I know He is not looking to trip me up, and repenting of my wrong thoughts about Him. He sees my heart- my desire to be honest and be above reproach...and He can be trusted. He provides financially out of no where EVEN when I mess up.

My mind has been racing about how much I could owe (even though every person who's helped me has assured me I'm doing things right and this should be no problem for me), feeling a burden to save every single penny I'm making "just in case..." etc. etc. Anxiety.

Then. In the Holy Spirit's kindness, I had a thought just moments ago, "So, what's the worst they could do to me?"

"They" being the IRS when it comes to tax season. Or some business regulator somewhere. Or. Something. Someone who's big and powerful and wants my money. Who wants to destroy me. And my business.

I followed that through. "They could fine me tons and tons of money. Like. Enough money that I couldn't ever pay it back in my lifetime. Even if I worked all day everyday for the rest of my life."

"Ok." I thought to myself. "Then what?"

"Well...then I'd live a whole life in debt." (yes, you are reading about me talking to myself :)

"Ok. And...then...?"

"I'd die...and go be with Jesus forever."

Oh. huh.

Doesn't sound so bad.

Immediately Romans 8 was running through my mind..."If God is for us, who can be against us?" and "What can mortal man do to me?"

There is one enemy: Satan. He wants to destroy me for real. Destroy my faith and my soul. He won't do that by emptying my wallet (or, maybe he will try) but he will pester me and bother me and bug me until I am anxious and worried and fretting...even when the Most Powerful Sovereign King of the Universe has come to this lowly earth to bear my sin and shame, redeem me, and give me life eternal with Him. This God's ways cannot be thwarted. I am His daughter. And I have been promised His faithfulness.

I then want to look at Satan and say, "HA! BRING IT ON!"

Talk about perspective change. Glory to God.

Hope-filled waiting.

2010-11-11T20:21:00.001-08:00

You're waiting. I know you are. Because you're human.

You're waiting on something. Or someone. Waiting for a circumstance to change. Or to receive "news" or an "answer". You're waiting on someone to change. Maybe to repent. Or waiting for someone to find you and want to marry you. You're waiting for the next season and wondering what it will be like.

Maybe it's news from a doctor about a diagnosis. Maybe you're waiting for your friend to desire reconciliation too. Waiting for your parents to finally start letting you wear make-up. Or to have a later curfew. Maybe you don't know what you're waiting for and you feel like the "best part" of your life is over.

Lately, as I've been thinking about the things I'm waiting on, God has been impressing it upon my heart to pray that my waiting would be hope-filled.

Hope does not put us to shame. Fact.

See, waiting isn't bad. It's apart of life. It doesn't mean we're discontent. But what we wait ON and what our hope is IN...will reveal our hearts and where our trust lies.

Immediately I recall Ps. 62:1...one of my favourite verses in the entire Bible.

"For God alone my soul waits in silence. From Him comes my salvation."

I am SURE I've written a post on this verse (or chapter of the Bible) before. At least once. So for right now, I will just highlight the words "alone" and "silence". ::long pause:: Ugh. I can't. I can't stop there. We can't wait for God alone and in silence until we know who this God is...and there He is! In the next sentence...from THIS God comes SALVATION.

SALVATION. Being saved. He initiates this. He completes it. He finishes it-- sees it all the way through. Not my idea: His. Not in my control: in His. In our waiting we mustn't put our hope IN circumstances or people changing. We hope IN GOD as we wait. THIS God. The God of salvation.

Hope in Him alone. AND. Without a word. No questions. No suggestions. Watching Him work without a thing to say because we so trust His hand. And timing.

And hope does not put us to shame. We will not be ashamed at any point in our lives because we were "hoping" and we shouldn't've been...

...that is. If our hope is in the right place.

Whats the difference? Well. If I'm hoping in circumstances...maybe that looks like hoping I'm married by a certain age. Or a specific situation has a certain outcome. I would be embarrassed if I boldly walked around declaring "Something was going to be as such" because I was "hoping" in it...and hope wouldn't put me to shame. Uh...NEGATIVE. That's not what Paul is getting at. We are to hope in GOD. Hope in the PROMISES of God.

So instead, I have hope not that I will be married by a certain age, but I hope in His promise that He has plans for me. He knows them. They're for good. Not harm. To prosper me. To give me (EVEN MORE!) hope. And a future.

THAT. Will never put me (or you) to shame.

We can have hope that in our affliction...His Word will give us life.

Hoping in the truth that this present suffering...is not worth the glory that is to be revealed.

I can soar with hope as I anticipate God not doing an "old thing"...but a new thing in my life. (Isaiah 43:18-19)

What are your favourite promises of God? What do you enjoy hoping in?

As we wait, let's "link arms" together in the promises of God. Reminding each other of the glories that we have to HOPE IN...

...that will never put us to shame.

Lies vs. Truth

2010-11-08T17:12:00.000-08:00

Envision this:

Christ looked in Judas' eyes when being betrayed. The Saviour stood there as ungodly, wicked men stood around Him waiting to sin against Him grievously. Essentially foaming at the mouth to devour Him. And in that very moment of utter rejection and treachery, Jesus looked at His enemy and said, "Friend, do what you came to do."

Wow. I will never get over Jesus calling Judas "friend" here. Ever. Not in this moment. I cannot comprehend the mercy demonstrated in that one word…

And Christ continues, "Do what you came to do.” He essentially communicates, "No matter what you do to me-- I trust what God will do through even your sin." UGH that hits home. Can I say that to a friend sinning against me…in the moment they’re sinning? Can I stare my circumstances in the face and say, "Do what you came to do..." while viewing that circumstance as a FRIEND...whom God will use to do good in my life...even when it hurts so bad?

What is it for you? What feels like your enemy?

Are you being treated unjustly? Do you have a wayward child who refuses to listen? Is your marriage in shambles with seemingly no hopes for recovery? Do you experience chronic pain every moment of every day? Are you willing to work hard and unable to find a job anywhere? Weary in your singleness as another friend walks down the aisle? Tired of training your children who just don't seem to be changing at all?

What circumstance feels like your enemy right now?

…and then we pile on the lies.

Does God really know what He's doing? Doesn't He know this isn't what I asked for? The Bible says this desire is good…didn't God get the memo? Doesn't He see how He'd get so much glory if He just ______?

Did God really say not to eat the fruit of any tree in the garden?

Huh. Sounds familiar. The character of God is assaulted point blank; no denying it...since chapter 3 of Genesis. And the Liar isn’t very creative. He’s using the same stuff. And sadly, it works. We totally buy into it.

He confuses us about who’s our friend…and what’s our enemy. Even though God has always been faithful…our first thought is to doubt His faithfulness. God has always been wise, yet…we question His wisdom. He predestined that He’d have to send His Son to die for us…and He still created us—yet, we wonder if He loves us really.

Oh, would we trust who He is. Even when circumstantially we cannot see. Trusting His character. His promises. His grace to sustain us. To carry us. To bear us up. To do that which we cannot even imagine to pray.

It is with each doubt and question that we must embrace an opportunity to allow the enemy to do the very opposite of what he wants...preach the Gospel to us.

You see, when we question the wisdom, love, power and timing of God...our distrust is cured instantly if we consider the cross. And we can take these lies...these questions...the temptation to be suspicious of God...and we can walk straight to the Gospel. We can let the enemy create a pathway with which we then answer the questions with hard-fact evidence that God really is who He says He is; He's really worthy of trust. And we expose the lie for what it is.

For His thoughts...are not our thoughts. Oh! Would we learn to be comfortable believing this when we have no evidence of circumstantial change!

We are told that nothing can separate us from His love. Not things present. Not things to come. No current circumstance or fear of what’s ahead. Even when we walk in unbelief in His promises…He is still faithful to keep them. I love this about God.

So whatever it is you are facing today, and in this moment...may I encourage you? Keep going. Keep talking to yourself. Keep speaking Truth. Find the root of your doubt about God...or the aspect of His character you are suspicious about-- and flee to Scripture. Study how strongly God reveals Himself as your Loving Father, Compassionate Friend, Strong Helper, Wise Leader, Peace-Giver....etc. etc. And embrace the grace He's giving you in this trial. May it be sweet and rich to your soul. And enjoy being carried by Him through this.

Can't preach the Gospel to Jesus.

2010-10-25T20:07:00.000-07:00

So the other day I started thinking...

...and. These thoughts are still brewing around in my brain. They might not be well-put-together quite yet...but...I was thinking about the things we (as believers) usually encourage each other in when we're struggling.

We point to the cross and declare that we've been forgiven and are loved...and will never know wrath. No condemnation...even though we deserve it.

We preach forgiveness, and grace. Mercy and healing.

We are compassionate as we hear other's difficulties and consider similar struggles and temptations in our own lives.

We remember peace that is ours...because we're reconciled to God.

Once we were sinners...now we are children.

And usually, we end reminding ourselves that no matter how bad it is, God is sovereign and He won't leave us. He is with us. And will stay with us through whatever we're walking through...

Then I began to think about Jesus. In the Garden of Gethsemane. The temptation to fear that must've lurked over him as He sweat blood.

I thought to myself, "What did Jesus comfort Himself with in those moments as He prayed the cup pass from Him?"

Did He say, "God is with me, and He won't forsake me." No. He couldn't. He was about to be forsaken...and He knew that. Gosh. How scary...that the One He'd known perfect communion with since eternity past...would reject Him. The Father wouldn't be with Him. Couldn't. He was becoming sin...and the Father is Holy. Christ couldn't look ahead to the pain He knew He was about to endure and think, "I can call upon the Father"...because the Father was going to punish Him. He actually WAS going to be all alone.

Did He remember, "Peace is mine because I'm declared righteous." No. He couldn't. Even though HIS righteousness was earned by HIMSELF (and mine is granted to me by another)...he didn't have that comfort. Peace wasn't His! There was nothing to "comfort" Himself with! ...and...yet...somehow...in this...He did not sin.

It's backwards.

We fear and we've been promised God's nearness.

Christ knew He'd be rejected and still...didn't fear. He trusted the Father's wisdom anyways. This...we will never experience. We will never be called to trust God AND be rejected by Him. We are called to trust Him and we are promised His nearness to us.

The Gospel is backwards to Jesus. If we were there in the garden with Christ...we could not encourage Him with the things we encourage our own hearts with.

He'd known (and deserved) only love from the Father, but got wrath instead.

He received undeserved condemnation.

He was perfect and was "unjustly" being punished.

Though He gave perfect mercy and forgiveness to those in His life, He was receiving anger.

He was a child, and now was being treated as a sinner.

And...He still obeyed. He still endured the wrath of God. All alone. So we wouldn't have to.

I'm amazed.

The Gospel is for every man that ever walked this planet...except for Christ. He is the only One who could not find comfort in the truths that we find comfort in. And yet...it is because of Him, and because of this...that we are able to have comfort at all.

Oh, may we respond in worship! He is King!

So...what do you think? Have you considered this? Is there something I'm missing? Something that needs to be added?

If God loved me, He would...

2010-10-24T16:55:00.001-07:00

...how would you finish the sentence?

Give me a job. car. more money to pay the bills. Heal my family member. Reconcile my family. Bring peace to my marriage. Get me a spouse. Give me a child. Save my son/daughter. He would've given me a different past. or upbringing. He wouldn't've let ______ happen. What would you say?

The truth is. God does love you. And though He will continue to demonstrate His love, it HAS been demonstrated. And to its fullest degree...already.

The question is wrong.

God does love you. And He has given you His Son as a propitiation for your sins. He has adopted you and given you a beautiful inheritance...when you deserved separation from Him...and His wrath.

This week, as I've meditated on and studied Psalm 16, I have found my joy and freedom increasing. And. I've watched as God answers my prayer to grow my trust in Him more. As I talked with a friend tonight I felt like I was having an out of body experience. I listened to what I was saying and thought, "Wait. Where is this coming from? How come I'm having faith in what God will do? Why is it so easy to trust Him in this?" I deduced that friends must be praying for me...and I'm sure they are.

I then realized, "Oh! I've been studying this. WOW! It must be taking root in my heart- thank you, GOD!" Worship was the result of seeing God's faithfulness again: His Word does not return void.

This week, as I meditated on, "You hold my lot" and "I have no good apart from you"...many MANY helpful nuggets were concluded as "results" of these glorious truths. God's character is revealed here...let's not miss it.

HE holds my lot. I don't hold it. I don't even know it! I don't know what's ahead. I don't know what He's doing. But. I have a beautiful inheritance. No matter what I do...I cannot change God's plan for my life. AND...my eternity is secure. I can't manipulate Him. I can't "try harder" to fulfill my own desires in this life. Nope. It's in His hands. He's holding it. And He knows me. And my desires. And He's worthy of trust. ::Rejoice::

"I have no good apart from you." Oh my. This has been the sentence most demanding pause this week.

No good apart from you. Not, "...ya, this is probably what's best." or, "You give what's #1." No, not even that! NO GOOD APART. I don't just have "less good" apart from God. And blessings aren't just "better" because of Him. No. NO GOOD APART from Him.

IN Him contains all my good.

And then. It hit me.

That which He withholds, is equally as intentional and a demonstration of His love as that which He gives.

"Wow," I wondered. "Is that true? Is that Biblically sound?" He WITHHOLDS intentionally. On purpose. And He withholds as a demonstration of His love. It would be UNLOVING for Him to give me that which is not good for me. Amazing. And...so helpful! This allows me such freedom to enjoy that which I DO have...and equally, to enjoy that which I do NOT have...and submit to His wisdom, love, care, and truth...because I have no good apart from Him.

So. What's your lot today? Do you see His love for you? In what you have...and in what you don't have. That which you do not have...that you desire...do you see that it's because He loves you that it is not yours? If something is good for you...I mean, really good...like, for your soul...then, it is yours. He does not restrain His mercy from us. He loves to bless us. He delights to answer our requests.

Just as a father who bought a car for his son, would not give it to him when he was 8 years old...he has no use for it! It would be dangerous for him. The timing is not right. But at 16, oh, what a gift that would be! So much more appreciated and appropriate.

Sometimes, (who am I kidding?) MOST of the time, we don't understand "why not." Why is something not good now?

But that's where faith and trust come in. The very means that God chose to save us. We must exercise those muscles. Work them and let them grow.

Whatever our lot, would we take refuge in the Truth that we have no good apart from Him. He has planned good and not harm for us. He sees and we cannot. He knows and we do not. Why fight it? Why struggle with it? Submit to His will, and joy will be ours.

May you know this freedom and peace today...

Faithful God

2010-10-14T14:49:00.001-07:00

Here is my favourite excerpt from probably my third favourite book ever. (That's a really big deal.) It's by Spurgeon and titled, "All of Grace." A friend from Wales, Emily, got it for me last Christmas.

"God is faithful, by whom ye were called unto the fellowship of His Son Jesus Christ."

1 Corinthians 1:9 (emphasis mine)

"The apostle does not say, "You are faithful." The faithfulness of man is very unreliable; it is mere vanity. He does not say, "You have faithful ministers to lead and guide you, and therefore I trust you will be safe." Oh, no! If we are kept by men we shall be badly kept. He says, "God is faithful." If we are found faithful, it will be because God is faithful. On the faithfulness of our covenant God the whole burden of our salvation must rest. On this glorious attribute of God the matter hinges. We are variable as the wind, frail as a spider's web, weak as water. No dependence can be placed upon our natural qualities or our spiritual attainments, but God abideth faithful."

Ok, if that's not good enough. Listen to how he gets specific.

"He is faithful in His love; He know no variableness, neither shadow of turning. He is faithful to His purpose; He does not begin a work and then leave it undone. He is faithful to His relationships. As a Father He will not renounce His children, as a Friend He will not deny His people, as a Creator He will not forsake the work of His own hands. He is faithful to His promises and will never allow one of them to fail for a single believer. He is faithful to His covenant which He has made with us in Christ Jesus and ratified with the blood of His sacrifice. He is faithful to His Son and will not allow His precious blood to be spilled in vain. He is faithful to His people whom He has promised eternal life and from whom He will not turn away." (emphasis mine)

Hallelujah. ::Rejoice::

Spurgeon later notes,

"The saints shall persevere in holiness because God perseveres in grace.

He perseveres to bless, and therefore believers persevere in being blessed."

Enjoy.

Personal Retreat October

2010-10-09T21:15:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to go on a personal retreat about every 3 months. This weekend I stayed with some friends in an entirely cute apartment at the beach. It was glorious. What an absolutely precious time with the LORD-- meditating on Scripture, bathing in truth, having my favourite lyrics minister to me again and again on repeat...so wonderful. And in addition to that, catching a few rays wasn't so bad either.

This (below) poem was such an encouragement to me this weekend. I've read it numerous times. A dear friend sent it to me in an email yesterday and I can't stop thinking about it.

When other people blog quotes or songs or poems, I normally don't read them...so I don't expect you to either. But, in case your heart is hungry...

...feast here:

i know not what awaits me,
God kindly veils my eyes,
and o’er each step of my onward way
He makes new scenes to rise;
and every joy He sends me comes
a sweet and glad surprise.

where He may lead i’ll follow,
my trust in Him repose;
and every hour in perfect peace,
i’ll sing, “He knows, He knows”;
and every hour in perfect peace,
i’ll sing, “He knows, He knows.”

one step i see before me,
’tis all i need to see,
the light of heaven more brightly shines
when earth’s illusions flee;
and sweetly through the silence comes,
His loving, “Trust in Me!”

oh, blissful lack of wisdom,
’tis blessed not to know;
He holds me with His own right hand,
and will not let me go,
and lulls my troubled soul to rest
in Him who loves me so.

so on i go not knowing;
i would not if i might;
i’d rather walk in the dark with God
then go alone in the light;
i’d rather walk by faith with Him
than go alone by sight.

_mary brainard

"Now on whom dost thou trust?"

2010-10-07T20:13:00.001-07:00

My sweet dad emailed me this morning. A quote from Spurgeon on trust. I decided to disect it for my time with the Lord this morning.

Spurgeon beckons the Christian...- who do you trust? You trust a triune God.

The FATHER.

who chose me from before the foundations of the world.

who provides for me in His providence.

who teaches.

guides.

corrects.

will bring me Home.

The SON.

very God of very God.

Christ Jesus.

who takes away all my sins.

who is my sacrifice.

adorns me with His perfect righteousness.

my Intercessor. Pleading my cause. And my desires.

my Advocate on the Great Last Day.

justifies me.

"I trust Him for what He is, for what He has done, and for what He has promised yet to do."

The HOLY SPIRIT.

saves me from my sins.

drives out my sins.

subdues my will.

enlightens my understanding.

comforts me.

helps my weakness.

illuminates darkness.

"I trust in Him to dwell in me as my life, to reign in me as my King, to sanctify me wholly, spirit, soul, and body, and then to take me up to dwell with the saints in light forever."

TRUST HIM WHOSE:

power will never be exhausted.

love will never wane.

kindness will never change.

faithfulness will never fail.

wisdom will never be nonplussed.

perfect goodness can never diminish.

[The foundation of this trust shall never be removed.]

................................................................................................

We trust God...because of who He is. We see who He is by what He's said and what He's done. We also see what He's doing. And what He will do-- because He cannot be unfaithful to His promises. And here...we find hope. And hope is one of the things that separates us from the world. Unbelievers cannot hope. Only we can. Because we don't believe circumstances dictate our steps...but that a Holy, Sovereign, Loving, Wise God does. And we trust Him. The One who calms the storms with a word.

Rich Joy.

2010-09-27T10:17:00.000-07:00

To say this season of life is rich with joy feels like a tremendous understatement.

God is more beautiful to me, His promises more comforting, and His character a greater source of hope and joy than I've ever known before...and it continues to increase.

God does not change. He has not. He will not. He is not spiteful. Or ever trying to "catch me" or "trick me" or manipulate me. He hears my prayers. He sees my heart. He knows my desires. He has promised me His faithfulness. And His leading.

The Gospel is the source of all joy. If I'm in a relationship, or single. If I have money in the bank, or not. If I get married and my future husband ends up being faithful to me. or not. If my marriage is enjoyable. or a constant challenge. If I have kids. or not. If they are physically, mentally, spiritually well....or not. GOD is the same. My salvation is secure. The King rules and reigns! And I will be communing with Him and enjoying His character and delighting in His nature as long as I live. Whatever that life looks like.

While the relationship I'm in right now often (and regularly) serves as a catapult to push me into the arms of God- wrapped in His promises and enjoying His character...my relationship with a boy could never replace my relationship with God. (Though, it can and is an agent that I am so grateful for...and I attribute much of this perspective and the resulted joy to great leadership.) It's funny how though I've heard this a thousand times from people, experiencing it has surprised me.

My life is about worshiping, adoring, and extolling Jesus Christ. THAT...will never change. The fundamental things about my life will remain the same as circumstances surely will be a constant change.

WHAT HOPE IS IN THIS TRUTH!!!

After writing about these things in my journal, I came across Psalm 91- to which I so identified with the Psalmist.
Starting in vs. 14: "Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name. When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honour him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation."

AH! Isn't it so good?! The promises of God that wrap around us and hold us so tightly. His character revealed in each one. Such hope! Such joy!

The promised "what" with no "how"...

2010-09-14T15:41:00.001-07:00

A recent Bible reading plan brought me to Genesis 12. Here, the Lord has met me, encouraged me, and greatly challenged me. Allow me to share with you my notes.

"Go...I will show you." (This is what God tells Abram to do: Leave his country. And trust God. With no specifics or directions.)

God doesn't paint pictures to explain what our futures will look like. He will show us along the way. This keeps us near to Him and depending on Him and communing with Him.

God promises the "what" to Abram. ("I will make you a great nation and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing.") But He doesn't tell him "how."

So He does with us.

"I will never leave you. I will provide for your every need. Good and not harm is your future. I will be faithful when you are faithless. I will act in your life. I will carry you. I will comfort you."

...but we don't know how. What will it look like?

But we read, "So Abram went."

THIS was the man of whom it was said his faith is counted to him as righteousness. THIS is the man who's faith is in the character of God. He did not ask, "how?"...but trusted the "what."

When Abram got to Shechem and the Lord made a promise, "To your offspring I will give this land"....Abram built an altar. I am amazed that in the midst of all of this, Abram wasn't looking for God. He wasn't wandering past Canaan trying to "figure out" what God was going to do, or asking hundreds of questions. He wasn't searching for a specific place to dedicate to his descendants. But God lead him (without him knowing, really) to the exact place God planned to promise to his descendants. Psalm 62 says, "For God alone, my soul waits in silence." When I REALLY trust...my heart is silent. I have no questions, concerns, suggestions or recommendations for God. I trust Him.

And an ESV study note reads: "To obey, Abram must trust God implicitly; all human support is largely removed."

Just a few chapters later, Abraham's faith causes him to "rise early" after being told "Take your son, your only son whom you love...offer him...as an offering..."

After passing this test, an angel of the LORD said, "now I know that you fear God."

Oh! May this be true in our own hearts! LORD, grow my fear of you. And in light of that, may my fear of man dissipate...teach me to trust what you say without wondering how exactly you'll be faithful...

Guarding vs. Protecting

2010-09-10T22:22:00.000-07:00

So. There's a difference.

Between trying to protect ourselves and guarding our hearts.

When I guard my heart, I guard against sin.

When I protect myself, I protect from pain.

I try to control. I don't trust God. I don't trust that even if He chooses to bring pain, He will comfort me in it and carry me.

When we put our TRUST IN God, and commit our way to Him...He acts. He is our Protector and our Shield. And He is worthy of our trust.

This, I am learning in a new and glorious way as God has been revealing different areas of deep-rooted fear I didn't know existed. A desire to control. Figure out. Manipulate. Have an answer for.

Nope. Surrender is the only option. Well, other than misery.

Rejoicing at what the Gospel reveals about the heart and character of God...and loving that it never changes.

Ever.

MY girls

2010-08-25T20:40:00.000-07:00

Tonight was a night I've been waiting 7 months for...a Middle School group of girls!!!

I can't tell you how much I miss my LIFE girls in Wales (oh, it could make me cry) but it is with new joy and fresh faith that I embrace these new precious faces as "mine" for this season.

Metro Youth is the name of our Middle School group...so, the abbreviation is "MY"...which, I find endearing because I get to call them MY girls. :)

Olivia, Emily, Meaghan, Kylie, Summer, Megan, Lauren, Claire and Hannah are now on the prayer list!

"Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old; behold, I am doing a new thing- now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?" Isaiah 43:18

Excited about and expecting what God will do...

Business and a Boy.

2010-07-26T16:39:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness. It has been too long.

In the last month or so, I feel like I've settled so much back into life in the States. Janelle on Location has officially become an LLC (that's a real-life company...wahoo!), and has its own bank account. I got a really exciting advertising lead from David's Bridal Corporate last week-- I'll keep you posted: but basically...it might even be more than I can handle. ::smile::

I've purchased a car (miracles- thank you for praying) for nearly half of what I budgeted for; I've got Florida tags (pretty exciting-- thats a first for me)...and a "new normal" has really begun to set in. Relationships are forming-- some new, some old...new faces are being met, people being added to the church...

God is up to much. It's all very exciting.

A dear friend turned into a boyfriend a few weeks ago-- JP. I'm having so much fun enjoying this season. He came to Metro a year and a half ago when I was in Wales and became friends with a bunch of my friends while I was away. The Lord is currently using JP to teach me more about Himself and the Gospel. Did I mention I'm having so much fun? :)

I would describe this season as feeling like I'm under a gigantic waterfall of earthly blessings. So much "settling" in my finances (thank you, Katherine Peschau) and just culturally after being in the UK is taking place...and ah, its such a gift.

God is the same no matter what season we're in. When I'm suffering, I'm called to enjoy Him. When I'm lonely I'm called to enjoy Him. When I'm tired and weary...guess what? I'm called to enjoy Him.

Same goes for seasons of blessing. Prosperity. "Ease." I am called to enjoy Him.

The Gospel just seems to get better and better...as the steadfastness of God continues to "not-change."

Blessings and Curses.

2010-07-01T04:28:00.000-07:00

A lot of earthly blessings in this life are curses as well.

With every new technological advance, we can do something "cooler"...but we also lose a bit of relationship with others its seems, too.

Facebook.

A word that rolls off numerous tongues every day. "Oh ya, I saw that on facebook." There are blessings. There are curses.

But. I wanted to tell you of a blessing. Due to facebook, I have been able to keep in touch with a couple of girls from Bettws who are sending me messages about what is going on in their life.

One in particular, provides ample opportunity to share the Gospel with her every time I respond.

Please pray for her lost soul. And wisdom for my eyes, ears, and mind. This seems to be my only relational evangelistic opportunity at the moment.

A different perspective...

2010-06-04T20:48:00.000-07:00

I miss Wales a lot today. I feel home-sick.

As I've been pondering, mulling over and considering during my on-going transition, many things have come to light. And yet. Many many things still baffle me-- and always will. I've found great freedom in recent days that I don't need to understand it all. Ever. It's ok to cry and not know why. It's ok that some things are really difficult and I'm at a loss to words for an explanation. No clue. It's good that some things culturally or relationally are a fun challenge to attempt to grasp...but am I willing to rest in a more glorious thing than understanding: TRUST?

It seems like sin is spoken of in a different way here. Maybe not in America as a whole. Or even Metro as a whole. Maybe just in my circles. But different, nonetheless.

It appears as though when "anger" or "impatience" or various "actions" of sin are spoken of...its then that the horror of these things is explained by another. As motivation to help a fellow brother or sister to put to death that sin in their lives, I think.

What I'm beginning to enjoy is the freedom to not look so intently at the "actions." For Christ Himself calls us to examine our hearts.

I'm seeing that many of my personal current temptations are directly related to my lack of trust in God. I'm impatient because I think I must do that which God "clearly isn't working in." Ha! Or I'm angry because I'm not in control. And others "just don't get it."

Hearing of how despicable and awful my sin is...and how wrong it is...doesn't motivate me to change. Nor does it even really convict me. Instead, I meet condemnation.

No. It's in my moments of struggle that I need to hear the precious, glorious, comforting truth that God reigns. He is over all. He is in control. And He loves me.

Wanna know how much?

So much that He gave His Only Son for me. I need to hear, "Take comfort, friend. He will never leave you nor forsake you."

I need the Gospel. I need grace.

And if I had to sum up in one word what I learned in Wales...that's what it would be. I learned of grace. Grace that is bigger than I ever knew. Grace that is more powerful than I ever thought or imagined. Grace that comforts the deepest hurts. Grace that changes the proudest hearts.

And it is this grace that I cling to and love. It is this grace that offers hope for me...and for you. It is this grace that I commit to preach until the day I die. By grace is how I live.

I pray you are enjoying grace today...

"Is it really that different?!"

2010-05-25T21:21:00.000-07:00

The British vs. American cultures, I mean.

This has become my least favourite question to hear.

Yes. It is.

I can't tell you what a temptation this question is to me. I immediately have to start talking to myself. "It's ok. They don't know."

I spoke with someone this week who went away as a family for 9 months and then came back. They were told, that it would take them a year to adjust to being back "home." With relational changes, changes in themselves, etc.

I can't tell you how freeing and helpful that was to hear. I was gone 16 months. And in another country, too. There is grace to adjust slowly. I don't have to pretend. Or tell others I'm "there." Nope. I'm here. Weak. Confused a lot of the time. Mis-communicating with everyone and their mother. And NOT adjusted to America yet. And yes, I spent 22 1/2 years of my life here.

As I sat around eating brownies with some friends tonight, I began to see a glimpse of just HOW British I became while away. To hear their confusion/slight frustration with my short and abrupt answers to their questions made me chuckle. I remember feeling that way about everyone else!

I watched them begin to process this new "me" I guess you could say. More reserved. Quiet. Not free to express my opinion unless asked. They asked lots of questions. And seemed so perplexed.

I can't imagine how hard it is for them. I didn't just "go away" and then "come back." No. I went to another world. I became part OF that world. And now I'm back but I'm an alien. That's what it feels like.

I can't explain to you what its like to adjust culturally. It's beyond words. I can't paint a picture for you of the various cultures...you have to see for yourself.

What I CAN tell you is: There's grace. Grace when I feel mis-heard. Mis-understood. Sad and not able to detect exactly why. Just really craving tea and biscuits. Missing British humor and being so un-impressed with American wit.

etc. etc.

Thank you for your prayers. I need them.

My transition is going so much smoother having had Jo visit. She helped in ways that...oh man. I can't even describe. Our constant cultural conversations. Her observations and thoughts after interactions in a group...invaluable wisdom.

Thank you, Jo. Miss you.

Trusting in love.

2010-05-11T21:11:00.000-07:00

Yay! Jo is here! What a wonderful time it has been with this precious friend. Oh how she serves me. Ah. The kindness of God. What wonderful timing. This trip has been so excellently placed in my continuing "transition" back to the States. Jo has faithfully poured grace upon me since she arrived: lavishing me with gospel love and encouragement. I am praying the ash around Iceland gets bad again so she can stay a bit longer.

Her visit has made me see that I've really hardly transitioned culturally and relationally. It makes us both laugh at times. Her insight has been like valuable treasure to me.

I thought I'd take a minute to share with you my journal entry from this morning, as the promises of Scripture seemed especially sweet to my soul today. As my subconscious often wonders what part of the world I live in, and I am still very much sorting out life in the States...these words filled my heart with peace.

"But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord because He has dealt bountifully with me." Psalm 13:5

"Oh, this is good. I must trust IN His steadfast love. Love that never waivers- I must trust IN it. Trust. That means: have faith. Rest in. Anticipate. Hope upon. Expect from.

Trust.

In.

His love.

But not just any kind of love...steadfast love. Un-moving. Sturdy. The same: in Wales, in America, in each and every season. Including now.

God is not waiting for me to change. Or transition culturally or relationally. No. He has ordained this long transition and stumbling around. He wants to reveal His love to me. He wants to care for me. He loves to do it. He does not leave me to care for myself. This love has no variation or shadow due to change.

I CAN trust it. It's not going anywhere. It's not moving. It's not changing.

THIS...seeing His love, and then TRUSTING in it...because its steadfast...makes my heart REJOICE in salvation. Rejoicing because I see what I once was: an enemy of God. And what I now am: His child. Ransomed. Adopted. made a daughter of the King. Justified and made new and then adopted. Ah. Brought into family. Not foster-care. Not one home to another to another: No.

ADOPTION.

Legal. Irreversible. Final. I rejoice in this when I trust in the steadfast love of God.

'I will sing to the LORD because He has dealt bountifully with me.'

Sing. Bursting into song. Rejoicing. Celebrating. Glory-ing in. Enjoying. Delighting in. Worshiping. Almost like its an overflow of fullness or satisfaction.

God, help me to trust in your steadfast love today. I need you. I need your help-- and you've made me thus. Help me enjoy my human-ness. "

"Success" in relationships.

2010-05-03T07:15:00.001-07:00

What deems your relationships as "successful" or not worth the energy?

For me, the answer to this question changed my life about a year ago.

God does not measure the "success" of a relationship based on what the relationship looks like in and of itself. Whether there's restoration or reconciliation. If communication is good or bad. If you're "on the same page" or reading totally different books. Those things can only happen by Him, yes. But I believe that Scripture argues...that "success" is not limited to only that.

There is success when I remember the promise of forgiveness I've made, and pray that the LORD would help me keep my promise. Success is when, "as far as it depends on me-[I] live peaceably with all." Success is overlooking an offense...again. Success is when I love- biblically defined. Patience. Kindness. Joy. Gentleness. Each and every time, God sees THAT as "success."

Why would I attempt to give myself the job of say, being the "Restorer" when I have no control over another's heart?!

So, when you are tempted to whisper (or scream) the words, "What's the point?! It doesn't even matter...!" I urge you...no, I urge US: reconsider. Possibly re-adjust our definition of what "matters." How would God define "success" in this relationship?

Your efforts might not "matter" in that they aren't changing anything (or anyone) to make your life easier. But God DOES see your work, effort, prayers, and pains. And if He's called you to this relationship...He will give you the grace to be faithful. (And remember: your faithfulness does not equal reconciliation. It means success for you.) And this can only happen by GRACE.

We are called to rest our hearts in Him. Trust....that is active. Active rest.

THIS IS SUCCESS!

"Confused? It's because I love you."

2010-05-02T21:28:00.000-07:00

God is faithful to repeat Himself. He knows my mind forgets. My heart grows faint. My body grows weary. He remembers that I am dust.

This morning during our church meeting, I was encouraged. The last five-ish years have been confusing. Lots of abrupt, "drastic" (for lack of a better term) seasonal or relational changes. Overnight, literally. Sharp turns in the road that were very unexpected. Time and time and time again.

Why, Lord? Why all the homes? Why the sojourning? Why the pain in relationships? Why so many life-altering changes?

No one else has any answers for me. Those who know my seasons well tell me time and again that "this is unusual." Or "it doesn't make sense." It really does encourage me to hear that these last years seem to be an "exception" in their difficulty. Like...its not "normal" to have events like this happen in such close proximity. (but what is normal, really?)

And yet, this morning I was told the answer once again. The answer to my confusion. The answer I've heard in and out of each and every single one of the painful or challenging seasons.

"It's because I love you."

God has marked each step. Brought me to all the "green pastures" and "quiet waters"- whatever form they have taken. This was all on purpose.

God is jealous for my heart. He wants all of it. He wants all of me. And the reason He wants all of me: is because He knows thats what will give me MOST JOY. And He wants that. My happiness. My peace. My gladness. He is for me.

Why the pain? Because He loves me. Not in some kind of twisted way. It's real love. Affectionate love. Not just "wanting me to learn" so I'll change. No, compassionate love. Tender love. Grace-filled love.

He wants to show me the depths of His grace and comfort. Why confusing relational challenges? Because Jesus is the only True Friend. He is the Only One who keeps His promises. Why the homes? It's not just to teach me. It's not just an opportunity for wisdom to be imparted to me: though, both of those things are dearly and greatly treasured and I wouldn't trade them for anything. It's because He loves me. The Gospel has become my home.

And while I'm not currently in a season of trial or great pain, it is good to consider these things.

I must enjoy this present season of prosperity and not "wish" I was struggling so I'd grow in other ways. No. I must be grateful in this season and delight in all it's blessings.

Yet, I find it helpful to remember, God's love is not expressed in my circumstances; ie: if things are good, He loves me, and if things are hard, He's upset. No. His love was expressed on the cross.

"When the sun is shining down on me and the world's all as it should be" or "When the road's marked with suffering and there's pain in the offering"...still: Blessed be His Name.

How am I?

2010-04-27T19:54:00.000-07:00

So many have asked. Thank you.

I am doing well. Still, very much adjusting. I mentioned that to someone this weekend and their response was, "Still?! Haven't you been back for a really long time?"

Four months is 1/4 of the time I was away...maybe I'll never feel "adjusted." But yeah. I feel like I've not been back long at all.

Business is building. Doing well. The last few weeks, VERY well. Hairstyling is a very roller coaster-y job. Some weeks are slammed, some are incredibly slow. I've recently been slammed. Praise God.

I am in need of a car, so am saving saving saving those pennies- but lots of pennies are coming in! I've been able to build some good relationships that I'm hoping will continue to grow into Gospel opportunities.

The family I live with is wonderful. They have re-arranged their lives and schedules joyfully and with great enthusiasm to loan me a car every day of the week if I need one. This is no small thing. Their willingness to be inconvenienced is not only making my business possible, but it's making living in the STATES possible. That is no exaggeration.

I would love your prayers for a good car. :)

These are the two areas I feel like I've "settled in" quite a bit: at home and with my job. Every other area the jury is still out on. Relationships, how to serve the local church, mentoring and being discipled, evangelism...

I'll never have all of these "figured out"...but a rhythm will begin to form at some point. Who am I to be building friendships with? How exactly can I serve the teen girls at Metro? Who should I be pouring into? etc. etc. Lots of question marks. But its wonderful!

97% of this season is joyous, beautiful, glorious, and genuinely just enjoying life. 3% is difficult and challenging at times. Those times are few and far between. And those few and far between times are always rich with grace. God is faithful.

Thank you for your prayers.

The Battle Continues...

2010-04-24T21:24:00.000-07:00

Self pity is my enemy. (Well, one of them anyways.) It's a tool that Satan wants to destroy me with. He lies to me. And He knows where I am weak and am most likely to buy into His lies.

I fight back with, "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Stop thinking about it because it doesn't matter."

...because it doesn't. It doesn't matter that it's hard to transition culturally. Christ traveled not from one place on earth to another...but from The Sinless Place to The Place full of Sin. He didn't just leave friends knowing He'd return to a different relationship...He left His Father. Knowing He'd be separated from Him and things would never be as they once were. I need to stop taking my emotional temperature.

I was not put on this earth for me. To have my needs met. To have my relational cravings fed by people. I was not put here to be pursued by others. To have a "normal life." (no one has a normal life, by the way.) It just doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how many years I feel like I've been "transitioning" for. One home or country to the next. Christ had no where to lay His head. He gave His life away...living for others...and then died. In my place. In your place, if you're a Believer. For our sin.

He didn't even die for His own sin...but other people's...because He didn't have any. Man. He just gave, gave, gave, gave and never received.

When I think about this, I consider how He regularly left being with others to enjoy the presence of God. Fellowship with His Father. It seems this was His secret.

I think if I did that more...this battle wouldn't rage so strongly. If I stopped looking at earthly things like Colossians 3 talks about...then the battle to not surrender joy would be more consistently victorious.

I find great comfort and peace in my Perfect Saviour. Who had more reason to "feel sorry for Himself" than I ever will...and yet- He rejected it. He embraced humility and service. He gave away until there was nothing left to give-- because He gave it all.

Oh, LORD, thank you that you see me as Christ is. Thank you for the Gospel. Help me embrace this transition...and use it: force it to do good unto me. Molding me and shaping me to look like Jesus....

The Kingdom of God: mono-cultural

2010-04-19T10:59:00.000-07:00

When the point was made yesterday during the service by Danny Jones, that there are no "different cultures" in the Gospel; the Kingdom of God is mono-cultural...my head began to spin.

What? What does that mean? How does that relate to what I'm processing and how I'm transitioning? Huh?

And then it hit me.

We try to add our own culture to the Gospel. We need to get our culture OFF OF the Gospel. Stop tainting it.

The Gospel, and those adopted into the family of God have ONE culture: living a life with Scripture as our authority. Christ is supreme. This should never change. In this we are united.

Certainly I think there is room for application to vary in different lives/cultures. Like I mentioned in a previous post, "giving grace to those who hear" is opposite in America and Wales. In sarcasm, I build relationally with the Brit...but tear down the American.

I'm still not sure I understand all of this really...but I'm enjoying the thinking so far. Sometimes it really does my head in- but that's what I love about it. God is so much bigger than I can imagine...

Culturally confused

2010-04-16T21:08:00.001-07:00

It's so funny how this transition is working itself out...

Some days it feels like I never left Orlando and there's just an odd "gap" in my memory and relationships...

And other days I couldn't feel more misunderstood by the culture here: its as though I turned into a Brit while away.

A wise man told me before I came back- that this transition back into my "original" culture would require much humility. I am finding the fight against my pride to be challenging- so challenging that at times, it leaves me silent. Afraid to speak.

I can't expect others to understand my experiences or perspective. That's ridiculous! I don't understand theirs! I can't communicate in words for others to comprehend what its like to live in another culture and be challenged by the Gospel with an international mindset. That would be impossible. I can't describe verbally what the last few years have looked like for me...or even really what it is I've learned...

...but there is One who does know. One who has understood. One who has been with me each and every single step of the way: my Saviour. All the way does He lead me. Each home, country, relationship, trial, conversation, lesson learned...He is there. Guiding my every step. And He's not about to stop now.

This is something sweet to enjoy: not a relational frustration to try to "fix." No, there is One who was more mis-understood than I will ever know. The author and perfecter of my faith. This is not about me, or my perspective, or my comfort...

its about Him. and His glory...for the WORLD to see.

And it makes me yearn for heaven all the more: for no country really feels like home anymore :)

Evangelism in America: Welsh Style.

2010-04-14T17:47:00.000-07:00

It is fair to say, I am still culturally confused.

About 3 weeks ago we had a church-wide outreach. I ended up in the evangelism group. Mission: to go to local laundromats with quarters and pay for people's laundry and share the Gospel. Awesome idea.

Note: People need to actually be in the laundromats for this to be effective.

So we took our baggies of quarters and headed to a local park instead. Personally, I wanted to offer people quarters for a moment of their time, but that's not the direction we went...

As conversations began and ended I couldn't help but chuckle. There were times, when other Christian Americans (duh, I'm in America) were speaking that I felt so uncomfortable. Not uncomfortable because of the Gospel: uncomfortable with the presentation. So forward. So direct. Interrupting people's day. I began to notice that my approach (the British approach) was very very different.

Just in case you're not tracking with me, let me explain what I mean.

American approach: The moment we introduced ourselves and said that we were walking around telling people about Jesus, I shriveled inside. Really?! Just walk up to people, interrupt them, impose upon them your name (as if they care) and carry on yacking their ear off about something they couldn't care less about?! Yet, I was more uncomfortable than those we were talking to. You see, they also: are Americans. (I know, you're shocked.) It's not offensive or invasive in this culture to "impose" upon someone your name. Or start talking about yourself. People here are friendly. Sometimes, overly so. We're all up in each other's business and space: constantly offering our opinion about everything...

British style: One of the few conversations I initiated went like so: I passed an elderly woman and her husband walking. I turned around, noticed her cross necklace and commented as I kept walking that it was beautiful, where did she get it? We both started slowing down to a stop to talk. She got it in Italy. She's Italian. Well, I LOVE Italy, so there we go: a cultural conversation began. As she continued on, I brought the conversation back to the necklace: "So, does that have any sentimental value, or significance for you? The cross, I mean...?" Turns out, she's Catholic. And in a matter of moments we are discussing the death of Jesus Christ, His atonement for sin, and the glorious and dumbfounding truth that He has established and maintains our right standing with God. The Gospel was being preached.

In every conversation I had throughout the day- whether I began it, or commented here and there, I found myself using "Assembly sayings." The words and phrases the GAP Team used time and again to explain the Gospel in simple terms after the sketches we did in assemblies. Things like,

"God took all His anger for all the bad stuff we've done, and put it on Jesus. He punished Him as though JESUS did all that wrong. And then He took the good stuff that Jesus did, and gave us all of His goodness."

I smiled inside thinking of the big cardboard Whale we used that ate Taige in the Jonah sketch. Or the "Gospel smack-down" my character gave in the Christmas assembly. Rack, Shack, and Benny in the fiery furnace...or unforgettable "and with the swoop of His shining axe" line from Easter. Wow. Easter a year ago; crazy.

Every person I passed, I commented on the weather. That, is totally British. Except instead of moaning about it being dreary and dark and horrid, I was gloriously declaring the beauty of the blue skies and tremendous warmth! Others didn't seem quite as amazed or enthused as I was. Trust me, the weather here rocks.

I left being amazed at the "training" I received in Wales that I didn't even really notice. The pastors did such a good job helping us transition- it must've been so awkward for them in the beginning. I couldn't believe how British I'd become in just a year and a half.

Oh, cultures. In every way shape and form, our culture affects us. How we think and act. How we communicate and dialog. Neither the British nor American approach is right or wrong...but, as I discussed with Ivy the other night on the phone, the American approach when it comes to evangelism, does not translate in the British culture...but the British approach can very much translate in the American culture.

It was so strange to have every person we talked to profess to be a Christian. It is the exact opposite in Wales. Church was something they'd never been in except for a weekend at Granny's once when they were 4...and it was boring.

So, as much as I love my country, as of now while I'm still getting used to this invasive culture :) , I resolve to go about things the roundabout nonchalant way. Right now, it seems I know it best. Not mentioning my name until the end of a conversation. Acting like dialogging with someone is an accident. Speaking of the weather constantly. This, over time, will probably wear off. (But I vow to never stop using "Cheers.")

Yet, in this "resolve," I must take caution. For Paul warns the Corinthians (and we do well to heed the same caution) that we are not to preach with lofty speech or words of eloquent wisdom...lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power.

The POWER of the Gospel is not affected by the cultural approach or format one chooses. The POWER of God IS the Gospel itself. The Gospel is the power of God for salvation. We must not lose sight or grip on that: for only He can save. Both the British and the American.

Personal Retreat

2010-04-07T21:23:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow morning I will be enjoying Florida sunshine, my Bible, Starbucks, the gift of prayer, and enjoyment in grace for this particular season of my life. I will also be begging for wisdom and asking God for direction for the next few months- whilst enjoying the promise that He guides my every step...and promises to bestow wisdom when we ask. (Which awesome-ly means that I can, with confidence, make decisions that have "wisdom.")

With a coffee in one hand, my Bible in the other, and the Holy Spirit inside of me, I have set my day aside to prayerfully consider how to prioritize my time in this next season so as to make the best use of it.

What Home Group should I be involved in? Who are the primary relationships to invest in right now? Do I have a healthy balance of work and rest? How am I committed to grow in Biblical femininity? What are the priorities for right now? How can I prepare to guard my heart for temptations I see around the corner?

In all honesty, I plan to leave my time with few (if any) answers. Yet having asked the questions and prayed about them, I trust it will help in the decisions to be made over the coming weeks.

Before heading back to the States for my "crash landing" as I like to call it, I purposed to give it three months to sort of stumble along; move in, get business of some kind going, say hello to my friends and church family members, etc...then, I'd begin to be a little bit more intentional about things. As one who is prone to over-analyze, I refused to analyze much...especially given that there was hardly enough time for any sort of "pattern" to form.

Believe it or not, today marks exactly three months from my "move-back" date to Orlando. I can't believe it. Seems like yesterday I was in Wales. Also seems like I never left Florida.

I had no idea how much God changed my heart, my perspective, the way I think about Scripture, and my understanding of grace while I was in Wales. In fact, I learn more every day of the work He did overseas and in a "strange" culture. A culture that I now miss dearly. My life has been radically transformed by a year across the Atlantic.

I am adjusting every day still. Culturally, relationally, financially...if you can put "ally" at the end: I'm adjusting to it. But this adjustment is not difficult; in fact, this is possibly one of the most wonderful, enjoyable, faith building seasons I've ever had. God is up to much.

If you happen to read this blogpost on April 8th, will you please pray for me? That God would fill my heart with faith and my mind with peace. That the Gospel would be more beautiful to me- Jesus Christ more treasured. That I would have wisdom and be sensitive to the Holy Spirit. After all, this is all for His glory anyway.

Disciplined Rest

2010-03-28T16:00:00.000-07:00

Discipline and rest sound like antonyms, right? Opposites.

When I think about discipline, I think about getting up early. Running consistently. Saying "no" to fun things when I have responsibilities that need attention. It is encouraged in Scripture-- Paul even says that bodily discipline is of value, and godly discipline is even more important. We are exhorted numerous times to "make the best use of the time." This takes discipline. We need discipline in our schedules, eating habits, finances, relationships...there's not one area of our lives this doesn't touch.

And what does the Bible say about rest? The Bible says that God rested. I think that in and of itself, this truth alone has deep glories to be discovered. Rest wasn't needed. God wasn't tired. And yet in His rest, He sets an example for us: if He, the omniscient, All-Powerful Ruler enjoys rest...we the dependent dust must enjoy rest. He even created us to need it.

As I was sick last weekend, I literally had to force myself to rest. My tendency is to work. I enjoy it- I love emailing new wedding vendor contacts, it's exciting to hear from someone new who's heard about my business, or just return a phone call REAL quick because in the long run it will save me lots of time later...etc, etc, etc.

I found (the hard way) that I lack discipline to rest. I'm not talking the kind of rest like- I've worked all day, my feet are tired and if I stand for another second I'm literally going to fall over "I've-run-out-of-energy" kind of rest. But REST that my mind and soul need in my "awake" hours as well. Rest to truly enjoy the freedom to NOT do things.

Do I have an idol of productivity? Is my definition of productivity different than God's? This needs adjustment.

In recent months, the conversation of "freedom" has been a regular topic discussed. The freedom to do things and the freedom not to. It's not genuine freedom if I HAVE to do something. Or if I CAN'T. Piper talks about his freedom to enjoy chocolate. But how every now and then, he chooses not to have chocolate. Just to exercise his freedom not to HAVE to have it. Do we only use freedom to enjoy things we like and avoid things we don't? If so, we aren't truly free. (We are urged in Scripture not to use our freedom to sin: this is clear.)

I found the Holy Spirit prompting my heart at the beginning of this week: Do I ever enjoy the freedom to not work even when I can?

Please don't mishear. I'm not condoning laziness, nor endorsing irresponsibility. But I found myself contemplating if I was enslaved to "doing."

For all of us "Doers" out there, we must consider: if our tendency is to "do"...our discipline might need to be "rest." That's certainly the case with me. It takes more discipline for me to sit and "do nothing" (ie: rest) than to go running. Or get up early in the morning. Surely this reveals my heart...

But I know for others of you out there, your temptations and tendencies are just the opposite. That's what I find so fascinating about the Gospel...it addresses each of us, specifically.

And I must note (because what would a "Gone Waling" post be without something "cultural" mentioned?) that it seems the British culture has a strength when it comes to rest. And as Americans...it seems to be our weakness. These are of course very broad generalizations...but I find it so interesting...

Thoughts?

Cultural dance

2010-03-08T05:09:00.001-08:00

Adjusting culturally has been as expected: sometimes...a little awkward. I feel clumsy in the American culture. The American mindset. The American ways.

I've begun describing it to friends that it's like learning how to dance. I did a certain "dance" in Wales. Learned the ropes a bit. Got my feet in place- understood my bearings. But the "dance" in the States is different. Sometimes I get the steps mixed up or my footing off-place. Other times the timing is just wrong. I haven't really gotten the hang of it just quite yet.

It will take time. More time than I hypothesized. I don't have to adjust in a certain amount of time...or even really completely ever...this is very freeing. There is much grace for this transition season. YAY.

I kid you not: almost every single time I walk up to a car...I can't for the life of me remember which side the driver's side is on. Rarely do I not have to peer inside for the steering wheel. Even in my own car. I can't remember which country has it on the right and which one on the left.

What a joy that no "dance" is right or wrong. One is not more godly or wise than the other. They're just dances. Just cultures.

The Gospel is the same. God is the same. And in this...we rejoice!

Fighting Legalism

2010-02-20T06:31:00.000-08:00

After a certain amount of time has passed, it seems like grace should be in low supply. Without filling up my cup of "good performance" (whether that's extended time in prayer, physically having a "devotional time", or serving the church in ways that are recognized and noticed....) it seems that God should only be patient to a certain extent. Eventually, grace should run out. He should be mad. I need to be punished.

Oh praise the LORD that this is not His heart. This is not the character of God.

Psalm 103 tells us to forget not all His benefits. I need to stop thinking about me. Start thinking about God. The benefits He gives us through and in the death of Christ. He forgives. Heals. Redeems. Crowns my life...with what? righteousness? no. Steadfast love. and mercy. Oh how I need steadfast love and mercy!! He satisfies me. With good. He gives me strength.

"He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities." ::Rejoice::

The Gospel is not just for salvation. It is for sanctification too. This, I will be learning for the rest of my life.

Giving grace to those who hear.

2010-01-12T11:25:00.000-08:00

This weekend is my first weekend back in Orlando- woo-hoo!

It's been busy. Very busy. People, unpacking, parties, church, friends, family, more unpacking...wow. My days are flying by.

One of the repeated questions I'd ask myself being Wales-side was, "What does the Bible ACTUALLY say?" Learning about my American interpretations of things. Clarifying what I've added to Scripture in the way I've seen different things lived out. ONE way of doing something isn't THE way.

We interpret Scripture in our culture (rightly and understandably so) and yet, it is also right that certain things in my life must change being State-side again.

Example? Sarcasm. In Wales, it is the normal form of communication. It is a way to show endearment. (sometimes :) To display affection. (again, sometimes.) To affirm friendship as you take the mick out of the idiosyncrasies of the ones you love. It can "give grace to those who hear."

Buuuuuttt....not really in America. Sarcasm is not quite as common. And is used in a much more destructive way. To the always-encouraging super optimistic American (yes, a British stereotype), sarcasm is discouraging, tearing down, and...well, it does NOT give grace to those who hear.

Lesson number one in reverse culture shock.

The words we say may not necessarily be sin in and of themselves. But the Bible does say we are to "Let no corrupting talk come out of [our] mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Another version says, "Give grace to those who hear."

We must know our audience. What do they need? What will give them grace, and benefit them?

Charlotte, NC

2010-01-03T15:05:00.000-08:00

GAP Girl reunion!

Pictures of whats been lately...

2009-12-29T16:58:00.000-08:00

My last Sunday at Christchurch. All of my LIFE girls except two ::missing them::

Last night in Wales- out with Jo and Lindsey at a pub for dessert and tea. They are seriously amazing friends.

Christmas with the fam. Basically just passing Jack around and staring at him all day as wrapping paper surrounds us. No, just kidding. Sort of. Really great time with the family. Didn't get anything I won't use...which...is wonderful! I am so blessed.

Jack Attack himself. We are currently at the Outter Banks for the week enjoying a very relaxing time with my sister-in-law, Katie's family.

in the US of A

2009-12-26T06:36:00.000-08:00

Yay for America!

Being an aunt, is...oh, one of the best things EVER. Jack is a little over a year now and started crying this morning when I left the room: talk about melting my heart. He is the cutest ever.

Christmas was wonderful. I love my family- and being in the States is so exciting. Texting friends DOESN'T cost 50p (well, unless its AnneMarie or Jo =) and I can just pick up my mobile and ring whoever I want, whenever: because I'm in the same time zone. oh, the gifts of being in the same country.

We're off to the annual beach trip tomorrow for a week or so: I plan to be working on leaflets, handouts, and promotions for "hair business" upon my return to Orlando. So many exciting things all at one time!

Treasuring this time all together.

Life at Heathrow

2009-12-22T13:20:00.000-08:00

oh, severn bridge. why'd you have to go and freeze?

Anne Marie and I took 5 hours to drive the 2 hours to Heathrow...thanks to the bridges freezing. (Anne Marie is a legend. In case you didn't know that already.) I had a not-very-wonderful conversation on the way with Continental (after we suspected I'd miss the flight) where I was told that my only option for leaving the country was 2,000 pounds to fly out tomorrow morning (thats $3,000)...or leaving next week. Thankfully, the LORD provided much grace in those few hours before hearing that was NOT the case. And I'm very grateful for that...(though, Christmas at the Mc Cans would've no doubt been a blast.)

So, here I am, at Heathrow, awaiting my free stand-by flight tomorrow morning at 10:30am. (Praise the LORD.) I am safe, and fed, and warm (and wondering why homeless people don't just pretend they're travelers and live at the airport.)

Will probably hop over to the small pub across the little aisle here in a bit to enjoy a pint- just because I can one last time. VERY grateful for my web-cam gift from the Mc Cans as I was able to ring my parents immediately very inexpensive-ly via skype.

And...enjoying the way God reveals Himself in Isaiah- especially chapters 43-45 at the moment.

Hope your Christmas festivies are gloriously wonderful as the Gospel becomes sweeter to your soul: for unto us a Saviour is born!

Goodbyes...

2009-12-20T14:19:00.000-08:00

Today was my last Sunday at Christchurch; and the majority of my goodbyes. The Mc Cans graciously hosted a going away party for me.

I was overwhelmed with hugs, encouragements, letters, cards, gifts, and...well...love.

I believe today was just a taste of what heaven will be like. The "cost" it's been to be away this last almost year and a half- the things missed out on: weddings, babies, engagements, etc, the friends in Orlando I wish I could be caring for, the "homesickness" at various times...etc. etc. It all faded away. It was so worth it.

I think that's what heaven will be like. All the energy and effort of fighting sin and sacrificing, and denying self...we'll get there, see what God has done, and be like, "Yeah. So worth it. Doesn't even compare."

I don't know if I've ever been in such disbelief before about what others "attribute" to me, that I see actually no connection to whatsoever. And yet...in this, we find the humility of God.

HE pursues sinners. HE saves. HE reveals Himself. HE prepares works for us to do, HE gives us the strength to carry them out, HE acts- moves in hearts, changes things, does miracles...and uses the little bit of "effort" that we put into it...and then HE prompts others to encourage US. This. This is the mystery of our great God. One who would know sinners. Be associated with us. Redeem us. Call us His own. And then, encourage us in how HE's changed us and then used us: beautiful. glorious. mysterious.

And this is what we celebrate at Christmas. God become man to save us from our sins. The humility of God.

Not to us, but to Your Name alone, be all the glory, the glory forever...for Your faithfulness and steadfast love, receive the glory, the glory, belongs to YOU.

Wrapping things up...

2009-12-19T10:59:00.000-08:00

Friday was my last official day as an employee of Christchurch. Both in the office and with teens. So strange! Definitely feels like I'm going back in on Monday. You better believe I've already pulled the, "I don't know, I don't work there anymore" card a few times.

I got to babysit the Gweedo (Gaweda- [Guh-veh-duh]) kids today- it was so much fun! We made some sugar cookies-- using butter knives as our "cookie cutters." Lots of laughs and smiles and "will you help me"s. As you can tell...I am QUITE the artist.

And earlier this week- with all the talk of logos and websites and hair business, my "itch" to do updos was getting the best of my sleep. Yes, indeed, dreams of doing hair. So, in order to help my mind rest, I attacked Alex and Caroline's hair.

Well, packing has begun...and continued...and continued again...how much stuff can a girl have?! My excuse is: two completely different climates. (Is that a good one?) I brought all (ok, most of)my Florida stuff over here because its all the clothes I had...and then, I've accumulated several pairs of boots, warm socks, jumpers (jackets), etc.

In the LORD's amazing kindness and care for me, there are a group of guys going to visit Peter Benson right after Christmas- and I've managed to bribe them into taking some stuff back to the States for me. And still, I've had two "give aways" at different teens events of clothes I don't want, etc.

Gosh, am I boring anyone else?! I'm leaving now, sorry. Packing and clothes are on my mind.

SEE YOU SOON!

One place to another...(again...)

2009-12-15T05:05:00.000-08:00

All the way my Savior leads me
Who have I to ask beside
How could I doubt His tender mercy
Who through life has been my guide
-Chris Tomlin

Recently I've been meditating on Isaiah 43:18-19

Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?

Returning to Orlando is not going to be a "back to the good ol' days" kind of season. It's different now. And I think I'm a little different too. This is a NEW season. NEW family, NEW relationships, NEW perspective, priorities, convictions, etc.

Yet, as I studied the context of this verse (ie: Isaiah 43 the chapter) I left my time with the LORD this morning FULL of reasons to hope in Him and His future grace. His promised care, His guaranteed provision, His goodness and mercy...will follow me.

"You go before me, You're behind me, nothing is hidden from You."

My ESV Study Bible notes say of this verse that the original exodus (the "former things") out of Egypt did not exhaust the power of God. (YAY.) But provided a new pattern of exodus.

So, if I'm understanding correctly, what Isaiah is prophecying ("new thing")...is about Jesus. The "exodus" and freedom from slavery to sin.

HOW MUCH GREATER is the Cross, and the freedom we have in Christ, than the already amazing escape/freedom from Pharoah in Egypt?

This is what awaits me: God's past faithfulness, because of His unchanging character, is prophetic of future faithfulness.

To this, I cling.

Christmastime in Wales

2009-12-13T09:13:00.000-08:00

Last Tuesday, I went over to Cardiff and introduced my dear friend, Jo, to meatloaf for the first time. She made the chocolate chip cookies.

Decorating the Christmas Tree with the Mc Cans!

2009-12-13T09:09:00.000-08:00

Conor Mc Can

Lindsey and Graham Sisk having sloppy joes for the first time!

Rebecca Lee and I decorated Christmas Trees this week- I love her.

2009-12-13T09:04:00.000-08:00

Friday night, our teens gave their presentations from the "attributes of God" study they've done.

Saturday morning, after YPD (discipleship group), my LIFE girls and I had our last little party. They presented me with a farewell gift: a book of pictures and letters full of grace-filled words. Ah, it is a dearly treasured gift.

And I gave them their bags with their names on them. Oh, how I love them.

2009-12-13T08:56:00.000-08:00

Home Group Christmas Party at Toby Carvery!

I could list all the names of the faces...but, you won't know them; so it doesn't matter. This is my Home Group! I love them so much. A tremendous part of the LORD using Christchurch to affect and impact my life has been through the examples and encouragements of those pictured here.

I was very surprised to be BOMBARDED with gifts: each one had a note.

"A little something to be going home with...because we wouldn't wish American chocolate on anyone."
"Because its just plain WRONG not to have one!..." (a kettle)
"For a busy business woman to keep track of all her HAIR appointments" (a 2010 diary aka calendar)
"For a lady of letters...so she can write to us ALL!" (address book complete with HG addresses, and stationary)
"With LOVE from us all" (Welsh love spoon)
"So that wherever you are in the world you can enjoy a nice cup of tea!" (a teapot and mug with various teas)

My dearest Jo opening her Secret Santa.

Andy and Sue Rees. LOVE them. Will miss them dearly.

::mixed emotions::

2009-12-11T15:37:00.001-08:00

I've not been able to go to sleep quickly recently because the excitement of what's ahead is almost un-bearable! I have been learning (slowly) how to take things one day at a time...and the joy that has come from that is full of peace, abounding in hope, and ever so sweet.

I can't wait to see my family, hug my nephew, get back to doing hair (especially for weddings- last night I was doing updos in my head)...live in a warm climate. ::sigh:: oh, its thrilling.

But...today was that wonderful brisk cold. Like, proper winter. Decorating the massive Christmas tree at Christchurch with Rebecca Lee, who I'm training. (She is SO wonderful- they will not miss me at ALL!) Doing a "preview" of the slideshow I'll play for my LIFE girls tomorrow at my "farewell" party...over 400 pictures. Over 20 minutes long. Getting a facebook message just moments ago from a Bettws girl saying, "tell me more about God- He's fascinating!" ::sigh:: I will miss this place and these faces.

What struck me today as various songs played on my laptop was the tender, and caring way that my Heavenly Father has lead me. He has guided me from one country to another...and He is guiding me back again. He has carried me when the storms in this last year were more than I thought I could bear. He has given me strength when I knew not if I could ever be weaker. He has revealed grace as more amazing-- and promises to continue to do that for eternity. He has been Faithful. So faithful to me.

No one in the world will really "understand" my Wales experiences- all that this last year and a half has held for me. But found in that...is such sweetness. Only my Jesus knows. He walked it with me. He listened. He carried. He answered prayer. It was like a secret get-a-way with Him.
Oh, how grateful I am.

Bye Dingo!

2009-12-06T07:52:00.000-08:00

Dave Elsing (the Australian from the GAP Team) left Saturday night to head home.

Ten of us piled into my car and what is still labeled as "The GAPmobile" or "GAP car" and headed to London for the day.

Traffic was bad at this junction. One lady pushed in front, and when we passed her, Dingo rolled his window down and calmly informed her he thought it was rude how she did that. She laughed and rolled up the window. =)

The last of the Gappers. Toms, Me, and Dingo.

Smushed in the Tubes here is Toms, Jack Pemberton, Taylor Rees, and Nicky Davies.

2009-12-06T07:29:00.000-08:00

What a bunch o' lurkers. (I say that with affection.)

Tay, Pembo, and Dave

This is pronounced "Ber-uh Market". Jamie Oliver gets his food here, apparently. It was SO fun- I could've walked around there all day. Like super nice spices, cheeses, wines, etc. being sold at these little tables.

A proper London "hot dog" (sausage with onions) - it was so good.

Daddy, this is for you:

2009-12-06T07:25:00.000-08:00

Dingo getting a steak sandwich- it looked lush. (And Emily in the background looking adorable as always.)

We went to get cakes! so delish.

2009-12-06T07:23:00.000-08:00

We went ice skating in "Winter Wonderland" at Hyde Park; so incredibly fun. I had such a blast.

The only socially acceptable time to quickly approach a stranger with a full embrace and screaming...is while ice skating. Just ask Nicky.

Nicky, me, Dave, Anna

Toms, Dingo, Me, Nicky, Dave (wow. lots of Davids. "Toms" and "Dingo" are also "Davids".)

taking the tubes back to the cars.

Nicky, Anna, Dave, and Emily. Rhys is on the end, but didn't make it into the picture.

What a great day in London!

Wales is now down a Dingo...

Last VJ

2009-12-04T16:17:00.000-08:00

Tonight was my last VJ. Ah, my heart breaks for these kids.

Four of "my Bettws girls" from last year have changed so much in even just the last six months. Their hairstyles, make up, language, topic of conversation, and their attitudes. They think they're 25...

VJ is so good for me. It reminds me of the real-life pain in this world that I don't know about. The broken families...oh, so broken. The deaths. The brothers' who are in the hospital for attempting suicide this week. Drugs, drinking, sex, partying...constantly craving attention, approval, affirmation. That room is stuffed full of HUNGER. These kids are hungry for love, for truth, for meaning...

...and they don't even know it.

I don't know what I can do State-side that will remind me like VJ does that my little struggles and "worries" and "fears" in my safe bubble-wrapped world are absolutely infinitesimal. But I need something to remind me.

I have Jesus. He's all that matters in this life. His promises are why I keep going. And its nights like tonight, that my life gets a little perspective.

While at VJ, I usually just can't wait for it to be over. The noise level, breaking up fights, being disrespected to my face, being laughed at...watching Jesus come up on the screen and hearing the kids mock Him...

but when VJ is over, I'm so glad I went. I'm so glad my patient God, by His Holy Spirit, prompted me in my anger, sadness, fatigue and sense of "not knowing what else to do" to pray for these teens. Their souls. They are lost...and just like me, they need Jesus.

Lord, help.

Encouragement for mums.

2009-11-29T14:24:00.000-08:00

"What you teach the children- sticks" was a note I made during my lunch with Hettie and Eirwen. Not only did they directly draw attention to this, but woven in and out of our time together were stories, truths stated, or hymns rehearsed that they were taught when they were young.

[Its never ceased to amaze me that our brains can constantly learn new songs while never forgetting old ones. I believe whole-heartedly that it was on purpose God made our minds as such. Always building upon our knowledge of Him. I have confidence that this will not change even when we reach the Glorious Paradise.]

So, moms, (or mums- whatever country you're in) please do not complete reading this blog post without being encouraged. YOU, dear heros, are witnessing to your little children each and every single day. They are watching you. (Possibly more than you'd like them to.) And even though, time and again, you are repeating yourself- over and over, "Don't touch this" "Don't say that" "What's the magic word?" "Say you're sorry" "Forgive your sister" "Obey mummy the first time"...whatever phrases are used most commonly throughout your day...

THEY ARE NOT IN VAIN!

I sat with two women who QUOTED for me things their parents or teachers had taught them over 80 years ago. Did you catch that? 80 years later these truths and words live on. While they're parents have gone to be with the LORD many years ago, the investment they made remains...and continues. Because while Hettie and Eirwen don't have children of their own...they are passing what they've learned along to others- including me.

For this specific note to be made in my time with them, spoke volumes to me: It sticks. So, TEACH! Whatever you're training them in, whatever you're telling your children...they're not going to forget it. This then merely begs the question,

"What are you teaching them?"

In attitude and action, let alone words. Though I do not yet have children, I've gotten a small taste of what this "stickiness" is like with my LIFE girls. Often I am afraid when they begin to quote me and I don't have any recolection of that particular conversation, nor the statement that is being quoted back to me. My words must be watched far more carefully than they are.

For us as Singles, what about when we babysit? Even just yesterday, I was asked by parents if Americans used the phrase, "[Something] is a keeper." Their 4 year old daughter had said, "It's a keeper" about a picture and they'd never heard the expression before. Yep. That would be me.

Yet again I realized the power of words sticking in kid's minds. I don't ever remember saying that in front of her; but I must've! Sort of a scary thought. It made me wonder, "What else have I said?!"

I can't tell you how true this is in my own life: Things I've learned from my mother. Songs like, "When I am afraid I will trust in You" to a little picture she used to have of a man on a yellow ladder leaning against the wall with, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." My mom taught me how to make butter: "We're going to make butter, by mixing milk and cream, we're going to make butter, soon you will see. Shake it shake it shake it, shake it all around, shake it shake it shake it- shake it up and down!" We'd jump around in the basement with a tupperwear container making butter for HOURS on end. (Moms: I highly recommend this activity.) Even today at 23 the tunes of those songs and various memories fill my mind. It's fun telling my mom things about my childhood that she doesn't even remember. Think about all the things your mom has taught you. Let's praise God for mothers!

But for us: what are we communicating about God to others? About the Gospel? What will our grandkids and great-grandkids be quoting about us 100 years from now?

It's certainly worth evaluating and making intentional changes where needed...because what we teach will live much longer than we do.

broken vessel. emphasis on the broken.

2009-11-27T14:11:00.000-08:00

This girl (me) had the most pathetic time with the LORD this morning if you measured on a scale of time or distraction. My prayers on the way to work about today and for tonight were pleas for faith that He is working and not indifferent or unexcited. Because...that's what I am. Indifferent. And unexcited.

Today was a day of being homesick.

In increasing exhaustion, I've begun to lose my voice. Friday's are long days. Work til 5, home for a little over an hour, back to set up for Teens.

I find VJxtra the least motivating because few come, and my relationships there are not yet strong. Guess what tonight was?

So, I go early to get fondue ready. And on my drive over, thanks to not having a working radio or CD player (really, such a blessing) I confessed aloud to the LORD that I didn't want to go.

I asked Him to change my heart. To blow my mind away like He has so many times- to please give opportunities for the Gospel to go forth in a changing way in someone's life tonight. For something SO big to happen, that I'd have to blog about it. Yes. I actually prayed that.

So...guess who "randomly" showed? A girl from Bettws who's not been to church in about 9 months and has been rebelling.

Guess who was in my "group discussion" at the end? Just her.

We sat in Pete's office and talked about how the idea of getting our life together or forgiving ourself first before going to God for forgiveness isn't the Gospel. We go in our mess. In our sin. Not having anything together. We point to Christ and say, "I'm with Him." It is ALL of Christ and none of us. Her smile warmed my heart and beckoned me to join her-- enjoying the beauty of the Gospel and what freedom is found in it!

Praise God for the Gospel Primer to quote when I'm not sure how to explain what I mean in simple words. Can't tell you how many times I've drawn from that resource.

The night ended with her saying she wanted to go home and pray for forgiveness.

I don't know if she'll do that. I don't know if she "gets it" yet. I don't know if she'll ever be saved. I don't know anything about her. But what I do know...

is that our God is a humble God. A Faithful God. And that it is good for our own souls, to share the Gospel with unbelievers.

Please join me in praying that salvation would be hers toinght. Father, reveal Yourself.

What's been up as of late...

2009-11-25T13:25:00.000-08:00

Lots to post about it feels like.

I picked up "The Prodigal God" again- always a good decision. Once again, this book has proven to challenge, encourage, and rebuke me. God is holier than I realize. My sin is more grotesque than I think. Jesus Christ has saved me far beyond what I'll ever know. Not just from my sins- but from my damnable good works too. (Damnable because of my motivation in doing them.)

The Gospel is not man-centered. It's not about us. Or "what we can do" for God. It's about Him. The Maker, Creator, Sustainer, and Saviour. It's not about living moral or "good" lives. It's about being changed. And being set free. And out of joy, with eyes set on Him, being amazed that we are children of the Living God-- and enjoying that we are heirs of eternal glory in heaven!

I could not commend this book to you more highly.

More news on the "going home" front: I have a place to live in Orlando!

In God's provision, yet again (He never fails me), He has given me another family to live with- I'm thrilled! Chris and Emily Morgan. They have a daughter, Sophia who's 3, and a son, Thomas, who's 18 months. I just got off the phone with Emily, and I am very excited. God's timing is always perfect-- sometimes I just recognize it more than others. Can't wait to tell you more about them.

Oh, and about going home. My hope/plan is to pick up my "hair business" again from the angle of evangelism. I have such amazing opportunities to talk to people on a regular basis and be involved in their lives...and I've been brainstorming for years about what this could look like. Lots of counsel, lots of prayers...thousands of ideas, and made-up promotions later- here I am: full of faith. Faith not because its fun (though it so is) but faith because God has just put it there. I am so excited about what is ahead.

...but along with the excitement of "going" is the sadness of "leaving"...

Friends. "Family." Life girls. Christchurch. Working in the office.

I am thrilled at the thought of heaven.

Tomorrow we will have Thanksgiving Dinner at the Mc Cans with the Pastoral Team and their families. (Yes. Anne Marie is amazing. I know. I get to LIVE with her!) I have had several people ask how I'm doing/if I'm sad about not being with my family for Thanksgiving...but there is so much grace. (Thank you for praying. And thank you for asking.) Because the rest of the country doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving, it doesn't actually feel like a holiday ::gasp:: I know; you're horrified.

Neither the "leaving" nor the "going" has really hit me yet. Less than 4 weeks until I'm in the States. 47ish days until I'm in Orlando. I want to squeeze every second out of what I have left here! I covet your prayers for wisdom of how to spend my time. Different events, invitations, offers, etc.

Goodness, I am so stinkin' spoiled.

Much love to you all- and Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy your families and, of course, the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.

Reinforce what we profess to believe by how we live...

2009-11-21T05:15:00.000-08:00

Practice. Practice. Practice. Practice what we believe. Practice faith. Practice trust. Learn it, and keep learning it. Not just head knowledge, but live it out. Work it into your life.

This was a repeated thought throughout my conversation with Hettie and Eirwen several weeks ago. Their commitment to learn evidenced beautifully glorious humility, and reflected their heart: they are still in this race...and they're going strong.

How 'bout us? Would those closest to us describe us as being "committed to learn?" Do we think we know it all...or at least a lot? Are there areas we think, "I've got this down."?

From what I understood Hettie and Eirwen to be saying, this is DANGEROUS.

When I asked Eirwen what she would tell herself when she was 23 if she could go back in time, she hessitated not even for a moment and said, "Be more consistant with Bible reading." She emphasised the importance of her OWN Bible reading...not just fellowship with others. She said, "You can feel on top and then shockingly see that you've cooled off. Start again."

The "start again" tagged onto the end revealed to me their grip of grace...or rather, their understanding of grace's grip on them. It was almost as if to say, "Don't be condemned, don't wallow in self pity...just change." This shows a faith in God to change their hearts. Knowing He doesn't want our hearts to "cool off." Knowing and trusting He will ignite passion in us once again.

It's this transfer of head knowledge to heart-in-action that seemed urgent to our generation. Don't just believe it. LIVE it. Where is it in your week? With any truth- we would do well to pick one, and start working it from our head, into our life.

Another quote I wrote down, "If you do something once, its easy to do it again." This was elaborating on the importance to stick by our convictions. To not give in to temptation; for that is a slippery slope.

Perseverance. That's all I kept hearing. Keep going. Keep trusting. Keep having faith. Keep learning. Keep growing. Keep asking. Don't lose heart. Work it out. Work out your faith. Live it. Do it. Don't just say it.

He is with us. He is our Help. And as we rest in His strength, this "living what we profess" can be ours too.

News is out...

2009-11-15T10:01:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to let everyone know that after much prayer and counsel, I've decided to move back to the States right before Christmas.

It has been a long (at times agonizing) decision because I love Wales and Christchurch so dearly, but I'm just ready to go home and get back to "normal life"...whatever that is. =)

The final destination is (well, heaven, but for now,) Orlando. With friends and family all over that I haven't seen in almost a year and a half, a few stops will hopefully be made on my way down there. Arriving in FL around mid-January. (Plans are very fluid at the moment.)

I'll be with the fam for the holidays and can't believe its less than 6 weeks away. So many mixed emotions. So coveting your prayers- thank you!

2009-11-10T08:48:00.000-08:00

so beautiful.

i can't take credit for this picture- someone else took it...wow. captures it so well.

a picture of a picture!

sea foam would get caught in the air and FLY up that whole moutain-ous cliff onto the top where we were; crazy!

I had such a fun weekend. It was wonderful to experience the British culture with friends in the technically "not British" Northern Ireland. Well, western. I have been marvellinig at the kindness of God. Mercy that not only saves, but blesses. Grace that climaxes at Redemption, but overflows with every good thing...

It was a great weekend away enjoying sweet fellowship and having deep conversations about humility, our speech, and what God is doing in each of our lives.

And yes. I am totally spoiled.

2009-11-10T08:37:00.000-08:00

castle.

cliffs of moher. cliffs of insanity. this is sarah morgan and me. she worked so hard planning this whole trip.

the gang: luke, john, steph, rebekah, sarah, demaris and me.

ireland.

2009-11-10T08:31:00.000-08:00

I interupt this "learning from the wise" program with a few pictures from the weekend. I had some friends from Florida going to Ireland for a week, so, for $30 USD, (20 pounds) I hopped on a plane to see them for the weekend!

We met at the airport in Dublin early Saturday morning-- lots of hugs and squeals and, "I can't believe it"s.

Got the rental car (I was the co-pilot explaining how round-a-bouts work and reminding John to stay on the left hand side...he did great) and we went to Trinity College and the Guiness Brewery. (thought of you the whole time, JRo.)

Went to Sean's Bar- the oldest pub in the world! Heard some good irish music, but left soon after we got there because they didn't sell food...and we were HUNGRY.

arrived in Doolin late on Saturday night (ha, not really that late- like half 8) but it was PITCH black and had been for hours. Stars were breathtaking. This is the cottage! They're all still in it until this Saturday.

We went to the castle the family of the cottage ownes. This was the view from the top.

Acknowledge gifts from the LORD and thank Him...

2009-11-05T14:22:00.000-08:00

On Sunday, Hettie and Eirwen's gratefulness and expressions of praise and worship were woven throughout each question answered and topic discussed. The faithfulness of God. The kindness of God. Wonder and amazement at His care in the details. Expressions of faith and excitement in things to come and the power of God...all because of His character- and then words of adoration would follow.

Without really saying much about thanksgiving or a grateful heart, Hettie and Eirwen taught me so much. When we recognize something as the providence of God, or His mercy...instead of just seeing it, we would do well to imitate their example and turn our hearts to praise and gratitude. Not a long-winded "fluffy" prayer, but even the quick but deeply felt, "Thank you, LORD" is good for our hearts. (And it is so good for me to remind myself that He is involved in the intimate details of my everyday life.)

Even as I type, I am reminded of the story of Hannah in the Bible. She wanted a baby SO badly and wasn't able to have one. After casting her cares on the LORD and leaving them with Him, she later became pregnant...and her prayer of "praise" is longer than her prayer of petition and request.

If you were to make a diagram of my prayers of thanksgiving compared to my prayers of request, I would be horribly ashamed at the result.

Monday, on my drive home from work, I gave it a go. Since I've purposed to dedicate my commute to intentional time in worship or prayer (for our teens discipleship group) for this month, I took the opportunity to implement one of my recent lessons.

I started praising God and thanking Him for different things: people, relationships, this season of life...you know what? It took the entire drive home, and my list had hardly begun. One thing lead to the next, which lead to the next...I was overflowing with joy and practically giddy in my car. When I start to recognize gifts as from the LORD...I start to see them everywhere!

I find it gloriously mysterious that the righteousness of Christ, even in the area of intercession, is on our record. Praise God.

So, how 'bout you? What are you grateful to God for?

Learn to graciously say no...

2009-11-03T12:33:00.000-08:00

Two points to this post. Learning to graciously say no...tied in with "don't rush."

Hettie responded to Eirwen's comment of not worrying by informing me that my generation or "young people nowadays" are so busy. We say "yes" to too many things. She said when they were my age, everything was done at a much more leisurely pace. Here are just a few points she said that I took down:

It'll all fall if it's not in His Name and Power. (meaning the things we do.)

It's a discipline. (Saying no to people or opportunities. They've had to re-inforce this in recent years as they've been able to do less without taking naps inbetween. Made me wonder: am I senstive to my current season and what discipline looks like with my schedule...and how saying yes/no today might affect my schedule differently than last season?)

It takes grace to say no.

Hettie said that she almost said "No" to me coming over for lunch. But with Eirwen's, "Yes! That would be lovely!" -- she couldn't let her down. She looked up at me and said with a smile, "And now we're suffering the result."

There's a difference between what has to be done and what can be done.

Ask, "Why am I doing this? For self or to honour the LORD?"

Again, I asked: How? How do we know when to say no? The answer:

Keep close to the LORD. Moment by moment; keep close. Ask Him to show you the way. He will give you promptings.

(Just a note: in the midst of this, their hearts overflowed with praise and thanksgiving to the LORD as they recounted for me different times that the sovereign hand of God had arranged things JUST SO in their schedule. When they had said "yes" and then it got canceled, with a real need immediately popping up to take its place. This heart of gratefulness was woven throughout our conversation. They even shared about how God regularly provides parking spaces for them!)

I began to ask: What? What are the things to keep as priorities?

Out of all the things I'm sure they do throughout the weeks, you know what the only two were they shared with me besides church meetings?

1. Fellowship and accountability with very very close friends once a week. We're talking hours devoted to this. A commitment all afternoon each and every week. To prevent their hearts from "coolinig off" they said.

2. Reaching out to an un-saved friend once a week-- again, really investing hours into this relationship.

I thought this was a great picture of what our priorites could look like. Sure, it looks different for everyone- and different within respective seasons...but we need to be reminded of the Gospel in our own lives...and then share it with others.

I was struck by their "no rush" approach to everything. Even when Hettie was giving me directions in the car it was, "When it's convenient for you, get in the next lane." They lived and spoke as if they had all the time in the world! What if I did that? Why do I feel like I need to get on to the next thing? Am I feeding my idol of productivity? Am I enjoying the LORD in this moment- here and now?

It's funny how much growth I can see in this area of my life just being out of the American culture...and yet, oh, how much more growth needs to take place! America is very "productivity driven"...it's built into us and we don't even know it. (obviously this is a very general, broad sweeping statement...) I still battle regularly reminding myself that certain things just "aren't that big of a deal."

I've gotten a lot of grief over the last several years for "being a granny" or "never doing anything" or "being boring" when I say no. (I wonder if I've missed the gracious part.) But in listening to Hettie and Eirwen and the fear they have of the LORD and their desire to honour Him, even if no one understands...provoked me once again. In some ways, only I know my limitations. And I need to not be afriad or apologetic of them. This will be an ever-changing thinig in our lives: schedules. We need much grace and wisdom. (Good thing we know where to get that from!)

So, what about you? Are you learning the art of graciously saying, "no"?

Be anxious for nothing...

2009-11-03T11:54:00.000-08:00

My first question was something very general-- I just wanted to get them talking. Something to the effect of, "So. Tell me something I need to know."

Eirwen did not hessitate for a moment. She (in a very British way) looked to Hettie and said, "We've been learning not to worry, haven't we?" (Brits regularly look to the person next to them and ask for affirmation/confirmation when sharing something involving both of them. Asking, "haven't we?" or "didn't I?", etc. I think its so sweet.)

(and I noted the humility and beauty of finishing strong...they are both still learning...)

Then she looked me dead in the eye and said, "Be anxious for nothing." She must've said this sentence at least ten times that afternoon. And not becacuse she forgot she said it before.

To be honest, I wondered to myself..."What in the world do you have to be anxious about?"

Things that I tend to be anxious about at 23...won't exist when I'm in my 80s and 90s. But...different things will. Apparently, worry is not something that goes away no matter what season we're in. Trusting is an always-learning thing; we never fully arrive in this life.

At one point, I asked Eirwen: how? How do we keep our hearts still? She said, "We choose it. It's a decision."

How come that sounds so simple, and yet I live like it's impossible?

Hettie shared a story her dad used to tell her, it went something like this:

There was a woman who had a basket of things she's bought at the market. On her walk home, a man stopped in his carriage and asked if she'd like a ride. She said yes. She sat in the carriage with her basket of things on her lap.
After a while, the man said, "You can put your basket on the floor..." She looked at him and said, "Oh, no! I've troubled you enough with a ride, I can't ask you to carry my things as well."

We all chuckled. She said, "If you've cast it on the Lord, why do you carry it around? God gives grace to the humble. Repent of impatience and lack of faith. Ask Him to guard your heart."

As I think about things to cast on the LORD...uh, yeah, that list is really long. So, why not start now? With the next "concern" that pops into my head. I don't have to tackle all of my sin at once. Just the next thought. And then the next one after that. One at a time. Slowly.

These ladies talk and live like there is absolutely no rush; which I find so ironic...because I'm much younger and live as though there IS a rush. Ok, I'm getting on to the next point already...more to come...

Wisdom from the wise...

2009-11-03T11:27:00.000-08:00

On Sunday afternoon I had the distinct honour and privilege of going to Hettie and Eirwen's for lunch. Our Home Group takes turns bringing them lunch each week...this week was my turn. Being cheeky, I asked if I could come along.

As we sat eating stuffed shells (thanks, Meghann!) I began to ask just a few strategic and purposeful questions about God and life. It was less than 60 seconds before I ran into the next room to grab my journal to document their answers. I hardly said a word the whole time I was there.

I was astounded by the things they were saying, and the great truth contained in them. I have purposed to dedicate several posts to what they had to share with me, in hopes that you can benefit as well. None of this is new. Most of us have heard these things time and again...but to hear them from women like Hettie and Eirwen who are seasoned women who love the Lord (and have been Christians for about 80 years)...these are what they considered most important to share with me.

1. Be anxious for nothing.

2. Learn to graciously say no.

3. Acknowledge gifts from the LORD and thank Him.

4. Reinforce what we profess to believe by how we live.

5. What you teach the children, sticks.

Hearts of Servants...

2009-10-26T13:01:00.000-07:00

These are my parents. (Can I please look like my mom when I grow up?) They...are amazing.

Justin, the baby of the family, went to college in August...and my parent's first order of business as "empty nesters" was to take my grandparents to DC- where they've always wanted to go. Every museum and cemetery imaginable. The hearts of servants.

Since my dad's parents aren't as mobile as they used to be, this took lots of work, patience, and MILES of walking pushing wheelchairs.

I just got off the phone with Granny and Grampa-- we normally don't talk that long on the phone, just a quick catch up...but this time, they told me every last thing they did and saw-- down to what they ate and how sweet my mom was in getting all their bags together and through the different security checkpoints of museums. Granny kept saying that its a good thing my parents like to walk!

When a toiletry bag was discovered to be missing the first night (containing an important charger) my dad drove from DC back to Charlottesville and then BACK AGAIN in the same night to fetch it. Arriving back at the hotel at like 2 am, only to start a day of walking and pushing a wheelchair just a few hours later.

Mommy and Daddy, you guys take honouring your mother and father to a new level. I love watching you not conform to the ways of this world...

The love of Christ shines bright in you!!!

YPD

2009-10-22T08:18:00.000-07:00

YPD is our teens discipleship group on a Saturday morning once a month. About 20 or so of us gather together in Junction 26 (a room in the church building...that's just what we call it) and share what God is doing.

Last Saturday was amazing. The girls really opened up and seemed to be a help to eachother- I love watching it all unfold...seeing them interact and the Lord draw them closer to Himself.

We were to pick a specific way to enjoy the Gospel this next month, and email each other what it was so we can ask how it went when we meet next month.

I thought, in updating you, I'd just copy and paste my email to them from Monday:

Well I don't know about you, but getting psyched and encouraged and ready to fight my sin and enjoy the Gospel on Saturday morning at YPD...sure seems to decrease by the time Monday morning rolls around and my alarm is going off. None of you are sitting in my room oozing with joy as you talk about what Jesus has done in your life. No music is on. No one is around. And no one is going to know if I read…or if I’m paying attention to my reading… (well, no one except God. But He can seem not-so-exciting in the morning. It grieves me to say that, but that’s my sin. That’s what I can feel like. And God already knows I think that. In fact, He poured out His wrath for that sin on His innocent Son…and now, its not on my record anymore…)

Anybody else feel like me?

Something I’m going to try for the next month, is dedicating my drive to work to enjoy the Gospel more. Whether I'm listening to, or quoting aloud portions of Scripture (the Psalms I recorded on my ipod) or "The Gospel Primer", or praying, or actively listening to music...not just having it on because its nice, but for the PURPOSE of engaging my heart to worship God.

This morning I quoted The Gospel Primer and prayed a bit. What struck me as I reminded myself of these truths is something God keeps repeating to me recently in various ways: He is not “nearer” or “more pleased” when I’m wrestling with something and suffering in life then when everything seems fine and is going well. You see, my last few years have had some pretty massive challenges and trials one after another…and now that they have “settled” a bit, I’m often struggling feeling like I’m not growing, or God would get more glory if I was struggling. NOT true! His grace is to enjoy for even when things are going great! He’s not in heaven wishing things were hard so I’d be running to Him in desperation like before. Instead, I get to run to Him because of my love for Him!

What about you? Did you remember to do your “new idea” this morning? If not, don't feel condemned; remember: Jesus has paid it ALL! (What are your plans for tomorrow?)

Anyone get to read Week 1 Monday’s devotional? What’d you think?

Am I cheating?

2009-10-11T15:22:00.000-07:00

"It feels like I'm doing it all wrong. It can't be like this- I'm missing something. What have I forgotten? What's been lost? What sin am I blind to?"

Those are the thoughts/questions that can run through my mind as I feel like I have an "unaffected heart" and wonder if I'm abusing grace.

I can try it all. Getting up earlier. Reading the Bible slower. Reading different passages. Fasting. Reading other books. Crying out to God...wanting to do "my part." (Ha! as if this wasn't all HIS work...)

As the storms of life have seemed heavy and one after another in the last several years...it seems as though my most "normal" relatings to God have been out of tangible desperation, weakness, or confusion. This isn't a bad thing-- but when life is sunny and bright with no rain clouds in view...do I think something is wrong?

(Haha...yep, I do! But, its not. This, with the help of others, I am slowly learning...)

When the sun shines bright I can enjoy running to God out of abundant love for Him! God doesn't promise to only grow me when things are hard. It's not more holy or godly to have trials and pains than to enjoy the gifts the Good Giver bestows. (ah, do I really believe that?)

I find myself saying, "Really?!" to all the answers of grace I've received about my questions over this weekend. After hearing Pete's message this morning and being so affected by the holiness, humility, and love of Jesus...or Dave's message tonight-- Christ knew even the ways I would fail Him before He chose to save me...and here it is: grace abounds to me. It's nuts! It's crazy! It's not only undeserved, its ill-deserved...and yet...

here it is...

Mine. Grace unmeasured, vast, and free. It knew me from eternity.

It's all of grace. No matter what season of life I'm in, who my friends are, who I live with, what decisions lie ahead of me, what my time with the LORD looks like, how my "performance" has been in the last weeks or months...

...it's all of grace. God does not love me any more or any less. Jesus Christ took EVERY sin that I have or will commit throughout my lifetime...and He gave me His perfection.

I want to do as the Israelites did in Exodus 12:27...bow my head, and worship.

HE IS WORTHY!!!

I have a pound, lets go spend twenty!

2009-10-11T08:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my LIFE girls and I went shopping in Cardiff (Capital of Wales, 15-20 mins away). I drove the Newport girls (loving this driving thing) and we had far too much fun.

Rowanne tells of the angry drivers we came across:

2009-10-11T08:18:00.000-07:00

I'd never driven into Cardiff to meet others before...I learned a lot. =)

After parking woah far away (yay for the lady who gave us her parking space AND her ticket so we could park for free!) we walked to meet the rest of the girls who we'd met at the train station and then had to leave to find a place to park...what was I thinking?! Terrible planning...we had some very patient, gracious mothers.

Shh, don't tell the other girls we got ice cream...

(Gap team, this is for you: "If you could ask God any question, what would it be?" "Why Topshop?" It's all I could think of the whole time I was in the store!)

2009-10-11T08:08:00.000-07:00

Eleri and Alex- my two year 8 girlies

Lois was the only one to actually get coffee in her drink!

Carys (if I'm not mistaken, this was her first Starbucks drink!)

Also Rachel's FIRST Starbucks ever! I was so proud to be apart of this experience- I think they're hooked to Chocolate fraps now. Just look at that excitement!

2009-10-11T08:02:00.000-07:00

Caroline

Rowanne

i heart them.

haha

2009-10-11T07:59:00.000-07:00

Carys, me, Eleri, Lois

Back Row: Caroline, Carys, Rachel, Megan, Alex
Front row: Lois, Rowanne, Eleri

...and to think...people actually buy these...and wear them!

Megz, Cali, Roo, me, Lo

A Project from Orlando

2009-10-08T12:19:00.000-07:00

I received the email below today. Let me preface it by letting you know that "the sweet ladies" are both of Lindsay's grandmothers and her great-aunt Ruby. They live together and have kindly let me keep my belongings in their attic while I've been in Wales.

Enjoy:

Hello dear friend...Ariel, Linds and I went over to the sweet ladies house to make dinner for/visit with them a few nights ago. While we were there, we decided to ransack your personal belongings. The attached photos are the result...enjoy! =)
-- ~Stephanie Lightfoot

(With absolutely no need to confirm, I assure you that this is each friend's interpretation of how I worship while singing. I've seen it before, haha, and it makes me laugh every time. They know me well! lol, just look at those facial expressions! I should probably be embarassed.)

2009-10-08T12:16:00.001-07:00

2009-10-08T12:16:00.000-07:00

Unaffected.

2009-10-07T08:39:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have those mornings? Days? Weeks? Am I the only one?

Where you're aware that you're not as affected by the amazing news of the Gospel as you think you "should be." You're not marveling. Or breaking out in spontaneous worship in your heart. Jesus died for my sins. Great. I'm glad. Good news.

...but it lacks EFFECT. It doesn't stir love within. It's just...information. Good information, sure. We know it well. Say it with a smile and up beat voice. But our heart remains stagnant.

When I'm in that place, and by nothing but the sheer grace of God, I can see that I'm in that place...it makes me cry out and plead for change like nothing else. Welcome to my morning.

We can do all the "things" we "should do" when we're in that place. Pray. Read the Bible. Worship in song anyways hoping our actions lead to a shift in our hearts...but what it comes down to...is we need God. That's it. Plain and simple. He is the Changer of hearts.

As I begged this morning for the Savior to not let my heart grow hard, to cut to my heart with how my sin grieves Him, to reveal His righteousness...nothing happend. Hours of trying to speak truth, and read quotes...trying to amaze myself. I can't.

And yet, slowly, as the day went on...little glimpses of Scripture I came across in typing something up for a pastor (yes, my job rocks), or a word here, or a sentence there...and the sweetness began to gradually sink in. As I typed away, I was reminded of a quote in (I believe) Nancy Lee Demoss' book, Brokenness.

This is a rough quote from what I remember:

God must make you hungry before He feeds you,
Strip you before He clothes you,
Make nothing of you before He can make something of you.

And in that moment, as the quote ran through my head, I realized I could be grateful for the times I feel "unaffected"- its in those times, if I lean on God, and beg for mercy...that hunger can grow. And when hunger grows, truth is beautifully satisfying.

Luke 6:21, "Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you shall be satisfied."

I'll never "arrive." I'll never be sufficiently amazed in this life by what Jesus has done for me. But hunger...is a good thing.

Spa Day!

2009-10-04T09:43:00.001-07:00

Yesterday my LIFE girls came over to the Mc Cans for some haircuts. We turned it into a spa day where they got to pamper and be pampered.

They each got some goodies: a nail file, bobble (hair tie), face mask, flannel (wash cloth), book mark with their name on the front and a verse on the back, and instructions for how to give a manicure.

The girls each brought a kind of "spa food" (like cucumber sandwiches) to share. And I nicked Sarah Paso's orange slices-in-water idea. Delish.

A spa day would be incomplete without chocolate!

We went around to all the "stations" and I explained the proper order of each treatment so the girls would know what to do.

2009-10-04T09:38:00.000-07:00