As I was walking home yesterday, I was practicing counting to ten in Italian in my head. We leave this week for our Vision Trip to see if Italy is where the LORD is leading us to move long-term to share the Gospel.
I started thinking about potential future Italian language school...and how important it is. We must learn to communicate {and effectively} in order to share the Gospel with dear souls. This is the POINT of going. And we have to know our audience-- what do certain words mean to them? What is the cultural context? What is their background? How do they define words that I might define slightly differently? etc.
It then hit me: we need to be doing this all the time in life everywhere-- learning the "language" of others.
It is so easy to take our understanding and definitions of "God" and "justice" and "mercy", wrath, love, grace, atonement, sacrifice, etc. and share with others who might have a very different understanding of those words than us, the Bible, or maybe even no definition at all!
If I walked the streets of Italy sharing the Gospel in English, a few heads might turn recognizing the language. And while God can perform miracles, for the sake of argument: it would be an incredibly ineffective use of my time. However, I could still go home and say, "I shared the Gospel with over 1,000 people today!" and feel pretty good about that.
Yet...not ONE of those 1,000 people really heard the Gospel. I did not give grace to those who heard. I sat ignorant of my audience, speaking in words they couldn't understand, and yet "checking" off my list that I've evangelized or did ministry "the best I could."
I started wondering how often I've done that in my life. Spoken more than asked questions. Wanted to "answer" before really understanding what was being asked. Left a conversation feeling good that I'd done all I could, when perhaps I needed a bit more education in that area.
This affects the way we interact with Believers as well. We must be careful to listen-- quick to listen. Slow to speak. How many times are we encouraged with these very words in Scripture? This means listening to the WHOLE story; the bigger picture-- getting a better idea of where people's hearts are at. Our hearts are, in fact, where our sin first resides, and the reason why Christ came! He is clearly after our hearts.
So what about you? Have you ever had someone just totally miss you, as though they answered in another language? Are you a student of those you love and care for? Desiring to go to their "language school" to love and communicate with them more effectively?
As we face our mundane lives, conflict, marriage, seek to comfort those facing tragedy, singleness, discipling or being discipled, parenting...whatever context we are speaking in: would we learn the languages of humility, love, active-listening, and...the language of our audience. That we might love them in wisdom to the glory and praise of God.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Insensitive Passing Comments
I'm finding that regardless of the season of life we're in...
...words {even just a few} can be tremendously discouraging, belittling, or condemning without the slightest intention of being so.
We, collectively, do a poor job of giving grace to those who hear. Or meeting people where they're at: weeping with those who weep, or rejoicing with those who rejoice.
A tired and exhausted mom, with her arms full, her children screaming, desperate for a moment of silence...is met with, "Those young and little days are nothing compared to teenage years!"
A dating couple who is desperately in love, and is the last of their friends to get married, has been patiently waiting, and communicates their excitement about marriage hears, "Oh, just wait. It'll get so much harder when you get married. There are so many difficult conflicts, and so much hard work; you'll see. Dating is so easy and wonderful- just enjoy that."
A pregnant woman isn't sleeping at night and makes a comment about how she wishes she was awake with the baby at night, so excited for his/her arrival...and she hears, "Oh no, you'll never sleep again. You won't be saying that when you ARE awake at night with a baby!"
I don't know what it is. If its our culture, or if we think everyone's experience will be the same as ours...or if we want to "teach" and "warn" or change people...? But our words {or facebook comments} can be so discouraging and disheartening.
Sometimes, I overhear parenting conversations and my heart just squeezes. I want to shout, "Are you TRYING to steal her joy?!" or "Do you WANT to minimize the genuine, real-life difficulty she's facing?!"
So often these comments seem like they're supposed to be "Take it from me, The Expert on Life" talks. Like we should stop, drop what we're doing, and applaud the difficulty of whoever is giving this counsel or warning.
We unintentionally put pressure on people and communicate expectations of them:
-- a mom to somehow enjoy her exhaustion...
...there are countless joys of little ones, ABSOLUTELY! But there are days when a weary heart needs to be freshly, sweetly, humbly reminded and encouraged, that Jesus is near and does not grow tired or weak. And not made to feel that looming days of DOOM are ahead, or that she'll miss the difficulty of now. Even if there are difficult days ahead...will not the Saviour be there? Guiding, encouraging, helping, leading?
--a younger couple not "together as long as me and mine"
...while talking about our lives and what we've learned more than has it's place, there is such a difference between sharing and teaching or instructing. No one will marry my husband. So. I can't tell them "just how to be a wife" or "what marriage is like", because my experience and knowledge...comes from being JOSH'S wife. As marrieds, we cannot make blanket statements that "marriage is so wonderful/difficult/ encouraging/hard..." whatever adjective yours is in this season. We are not the author of our listener's marriage. Their marriage will be different from ours. There will be seasons to it: times to celebrate and rejoice with them, and other times to pray for, encourage, and uphold them. But we must STOP thinking all relationships are like ours!!
-- pregnant women to be anxious about the future, and suppress the difficulties of their pregnancy.
...I have three very dear friends and a sister-in-law who are pregnant or who've recently had a baby. I have wanted to delete comments or posts FOR THEM on facebook. What happened to celebrating and rejoicing WITH others? When it comes to pregnancy, there is such little encouragement, it is so sad. And then there's little compassion, too...what do we want from them?! When a night's been sleepless or morning sickness wearisome, there is a flood of comments about how "this is preparing you for how awful and difficult your life is going to be." When cute new clothes are bought, there are comments about "how many times you'll have to wash that", or "wait til its got poop all over it." Dear Pregnant Reader, on behalf of everyone who's said hurtful or insensitive things to you, I am so sorry.
Can I also take this opportunity to say, that no two pregnancies have ever been alike. I've never been pregnant, and yet am flabbergasted at the ways conversations take place, and things that are said. We cannot talk about "pregnancy" as though its the same experience for everyone!
As a church in America especially, we are weak in this. Someone experiences tragedy and we slap a, "God is faithful!" on their facebook wall. Is God faithful? Oh, INDEED. More than we can know or comprehend. But what our friend needs in this moment perhaps, is something that more accurately reflects the heart of God for them. Humility. Care. Compassion. Love. Not instruction. Teaching. Correction.
I know this post is a bit bold. Perhaps my impatience at such communication is evident. My heart and desire is that we, as Christians, would look to support, encourage, and love others well where they're at. There are times for teaching. For correction. For reproof. But the majority of the time...passing comments are not those places...
...words {even just a few} can be tremendously discouraging, belittling, or condemning without the slightest intention of being so.
We, collectively, do a poor job of giving grace to those who hear. Or meeting people where they're at: weeping with those who weep, or rejoicing with those who rejoice.
A tired and exhausted mom, with her arms full, her children screaming, desperate for a moment of silence...is met with, "Those young and little days are nothing compared to teenage years!"
A dating couple who is desperately in love, and is the last of their friends to get married, has been patiently waiting, and communicates their excitement about marriage hears, "Oh, just wait. It'll get so much harder when you get married. There are so many difficult conflicts, and so much hard work; you'll see. Dating is so easy and wonderful- just enjoy that."
A pregnant woman isn't sleeping at night and makes a comment about how she wishes she was awake with the baby at night, so excited for his/her arrival...and she hears, "Oh no, you'll never sleep again. You won't be saying that when you ARE awake at night with a baby!"
I don't know what it is. If its our culture, or if we think everyone's experience will be the same as ours...or if we want to "teach" and "warn" or change people...? But our words {or facebook comments} can be so discouraging and disheartening.
Sometimes, I overhear parenting conversations and my heart just squeezes. I want to shout, "Are you TRYING to steal her joy?!" or "Do you WANT to minimize the genuine, real-life difficulty she's facing?!"
So often these comments seem like they're supposed to be "Take it from me, The Expert on Life" talks. Like we should stop, drop what we're doing, and applaud the difficulty of whoever is giving this counsel or warning.
We unintentionally put pressure on people and communicate expectations of them:
-- a mom to somehow enjoy her exhaustion...
...there are countless joys of little ones, ABSOLUTELY! But there are days when a weary heart needs to be freshly, sweetly, humbly reminded and encouraged, that Jesus is near and does not grow tired or weak. And not made to feel that looming days of DOOM are ahead, or that she'll miss the difficulty of now. Even if there are difficult days ahead...will not the Saviour be there? Guiding, encouraging, helping, leading?
--a younger couple not "together as long as me and mine"
...while talking about our lives and what we've learned more than has it's place, there is such a difference between sharing and teaching or instructing. No one will marry my husband. So. I can't tell them "just how to be a wife" or "what marriage is like", because my experience and knowledge...comes from being JOSH'S wife. As marrieds, we cannot make blanket statements that "marriage is so wonderful/difficult/ encouraging/hard..." whatever adjective yours is in this season. We are not the author of our listener's marriage. Their marriage will be different from ours. There will be seasons to it: times to celebrate and rejoice with them, and other times to pray for, encourage, and uphold them. But we must STOP thinking all relationships are like ours!!
-- pregnant women to be anxious about the future, and suppress the difficulties of their pregnancy.
...I have three very dear friends and a sister-in-law who are pregnant or who've recently had a baby. I have wanted to delete comments or posts FOR THEM on facebook. What happened to celebrating and rejoicing WITH others? When it comes to pregnancy, there is such little encouragement, it is so sad. And then there's little compassion, too...what do we want from them?! When a night's been sleepless or morning sickness wearisome, there is a flood of comments about how "this is preparing you for how awful and difficult your life is going to be." When cute new clothes are bought, there are comments about "how many times you'll have to wash that", or "wait til its got poop all over it." Dear Pregnant Reader, on behalf of everyone who's said hurtful or insensitive things to you, I am so sorry.
Can I also take this opportunity to say, that no two pregnancies have ever been alike. I've never been pregnant, and yet am flabbergasted at the ways conversations take place, and things that are said. We cannot talk about "pregnancy" as though its the same experience for everyone!
As a church in America especially, we are weak in this. Someone experiences tragedy and we slap a, "God is faithful!" on their facebook wall. Is God faithful? Oh, INDEED. More than we can know or comprehend. But what our friend needs in this moment perhaps, is something that more accurately reflects the heart of God for them. Humility. Care. Compassion. Love. Not instruction. Teaching. Correction.
I know this post is a bit bold. Perhaps my impatience at such communication is evident. My heart and desire is that we, as Christians, would look to support, encourage, and love others well where they're at. There are times for teaching. For correction. For reproof. But the majority of the time...passing comments are not those places...
Saturday, May 25, 2013
The Discipline of Rest
What?! Rest isn't a discipline...
Getting up early, going running, eating healthy, spending consistent time in my Bible...those are disciplines.
Yes, they can be. But for some of us-- for those of us who are "do-ers"...who like to get things done, who want to stay one step ahead of life, who can be tempted to push ourselves to do just one more thing and either slide into, or DIVE into self-sufficiency...those of us who make SUCH ambitious to-do lists, that we never accomplish them in one day. And we find ourselves writing down things that we've already done, just to cross something off the list! We have a hard time sitting down and doing nothing and often describe things as "a waste of time." We think making the best-use-of-the-time means having the most successful and productive day by accomplishing as many tasks as possible in a reasonable time frame. For us, rest is something to be disciplined in. It is probably one of the most un-disciplined areas of my life.
There is always something to pick up. Always a meal to prepare or dishes in the sink. Always guests coming over or kids to babysit. Fruit or veggies that are in their last days and can be redeemed if cut up and thrown in the freezer. Jr High girls to text, a vaccum to run, cards to write for friends; emails that have been in my inbox for far too long. There are groceries to be bought, things to return. The demands of life are many.
I like to get things done so that I CAN rest. Problem is: I will never be "done" until I see the face of my Saviour. This simple realization has been eye opening :)
Recently, my heart has been prompted and probed to consider this area of discipline again. It was something often on my mind and heart while I lived in Wales.
Our all-powerful, fully-sustained, never growing tired or weary God created the heavens, earth, and all that was in them in six days.
Genesis 2:2, "And on the seventh day God finished his work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done."
Then, He rests. Not out of need...He wasn't tired. He didn't need sleep, or to "take a load off." He rests because He is setting an example...for us.
The difference is: we were actually created to need rest. Not just sleep...rest. To remember we are not the LORD. To entrust our lives and other's- both the weighty and simple areas to Him. To the One who needs no rest. Who is sovereign. Who is working. Who has a plan.
Last weekend I took some time to read at Starbucks. It had been a very full and unexpected week. I had become very overwhelmed by the number of things that had "not gone according to plan" and Josh and I agreed I needed to be better at resting. I sat down at Starbucks with no agenda. No errand to run afterwards, no "to do" looming over my head. I set everything aside, and opened the Word. In a matter of seconds, my heart was softening and changing. My perspective being altered and adjusted; my heart soaring with joy, hope, peace, anticipation, worship. I was sweetly convicted.
This type of rest and "retreating" away from life is something Christ did often in His time on earth. It is something that if neglected, renders the rest of my life essentially in-effective. I give poor counsel because my eyes are man-centered- therefore, I don't love others well. I do things out of obligation, responsibility, or without thinking, instead of delighting in the LORD in the vast array of creative ways He is meeting me or working in or through me. I feel far more responsibility than is mine. The list is endless.
The next day, as this idea had been on my heart, mind, and conversations, the LORD met me again.
Josh had just woken up from a Sunday nap. He came out of our room and was still sleepy- laying on my shoulder with his eyes closed as we sat on the couch.
"What can I get you, babe? Want something to eat? Drink? Do you need a foot massage?" My heart was ready and eager to serve him. To show him I loved him. To bless him.
He was really tired-- nearly falling back asleep, and there were long pauses of silence. I asked a few times. He responded with a smile, "Stop asking- I just want to be with you."
Oh, the sweetness of God's love was revealed afresh in that moment. In the same way my husband doesn't need or want me to "go do" something...even for his benefit...so, the LORD wants that same intimacy of "being" with me un-distracted. He doesn't "just want me to serve Him." He wants my HEART.
It is good to serve. To be involved in our local church and the lives of those around us. To be committed to things that reflect the heart of Christ to a watching world. To be very intentional. To minister to people. To love them. To encourage them. To witness to them. To enjoy the Lord AS we do these things, and as we pray.
But there is something...about doing NOTHING but sitting with the Lord. For an extended period of time. To be like Mary who chose "the better portion."
The last week has been spent with much consideration about how to make this "getting away" something that is incorporated into my regular life. Until it is something that comes naturally...it must be practiced. I currently am so weak, I need to almost make it a task: to force myself to put time on the calendar to "get away" with Jesus. For me, I can't be in our apartment. It is in many ways, my place of work. I have tried and tried and wanted to convince myself I can do it. But my life reveals...I don't.
So as I continue brainstorming and dialoging with others about how to grow in this discipline...I figured I'd share. We are in a very task-oriented culture. And I suspect there may be some others who could join me in needing a "refreshers course" on rest.
Getting up early, going running, eating healthy, spending consistent time in my Bible...those are disciplines.
Yes, they can be. But for some of us-- for those of us who are "do-ers"...who like to get things done, who want to stay one step ahead of life, who can be tempted to push ourselves to do just one more thing and either slide into, or DIVE into self-sufficiency...those of us who make SUCH ambitious to-do lists, that we never accomplish them in one day. And we find ourselves writing down things that we've already done, just to cross something off the list! We have a hard time sitting down and doing nothing and often describe things as "a waste of time." We think making the best-use-of-the-time means having the most successful and productive day by accomplishing as many tasks as possible in a reasonable time frame. For us, rest is something to be disciplined in. It is probably one of the most un-disciplined areas of my life.
There is always something to pick up. Always a meal to prepare or dishes in the sink. Always guests coming over or kids to babysit. Fruit or veggies that are in their last days and can be redeemed if cut up and thrown in the freezer. Jr High girls to text, a vaccum to run, cards to write for friends; emails that have been in my inbox for far too long. There are groceries to be bought, things to return. The demands of life are many.
I like to get things done so that I CAN rest. Problem is: I will never be "done" until I see the face of my Saviour. This simple realization has been eye opening :)
Recently, my heart has been prompted and probed to consider this area of discipline again. It was something often on my mind and heart while I lived in Wales.
Our all-powerful, fully-sustained, never growing tired or weary God created the heavens, earth, and all that was in them in six days.
Genesis 2:2, "And on the seventh day God finished his work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done."
Then, He rests. Not out of need...He wasn't tired. He didn't need sleep, or to "take a load off." He rests because He is setting an example...for us.
The difference is: we were actually created to need rest. Not just sleep...rest. To remember we are not the LORD. To entrust our lives and other's- both the weighty and simple areas to Him. To the One who needs no rest. Who is sovereign. Who is working. Who has a plan.
Last weekend I took some time to read at Starbucks. It had been a very full and unexpected week. I had become very overwhelmed by the number of things that had "not gone according to plan" and Josh and I agreed I needed to be better at resting. I sat down at Starbucks with no agenda. No errand to run afterwards, no "to do" looming over my head. I set everything aside, and opened the Word. In a matter of seconds, my heart was softening and changing. My perspective being altered and adjusted; my heart soaring with joy, hope, peace, anticipation, worship. I was sweetly convicted.
This type of rest and "retreating" away from life is something Christ did often in His time on earth. It is something that if neglected, renders the rest of my life essentially in-effective. I give poor counsel because my eyes are man-centered- therefore, I don't love others well. I do things out of obligation, responsibility, or without thinking, instead of delighting in the LORD in the vast array of creative ways He is meeting me or working in or through me. I feel far more responsibility than is mine. The list is endless.
The next day, as this idea had been on my heart, mind, and conversations, the LORD met me again.
Josh had just woken up from a Sunday nap. He came out of our room and was still sleepy- laying on my shoulder with his eyes closed as we sat on the couch.
"What can I get you, babe? Want something to eat? Drink? Do you need a foot massage?" My heart was ready and eager to serve him. To show him I loved him. To bless him.
He was really tired-- nearly falling back asleep, and there were long pauses of silence. I asked a few times. He responded with a smile, "Stop asking- I just want to be with you."
Oh, the sweetness of God's love was revealed afresh in that moment. In the same way my husband doesn't need or want me to "go do" something...even for his benefit...so, the LORD wants that same intimacy of "being" with me un-distracted. He doesn't "just want me to serve Him." He wants my HEART.
It is good to serve. To be involved in our local church and the lives of those around us. To be committed to things that reflect the heart of Christ to a watching world. To be very intentional. To minister to people. To love them. To encourage them. To witness to them. To enjoy the Lord AS we do these things, and as we pray.
But there is something...about doing NOTHING but sitting with the Lord. For an extended period of time. To be like Mary who chose "the better portion."
The last week has been spent with much consideration about how to make this "getting away" something that is incorporated into my regular life. Until it is something that comes naturally...it must be practiced. I currently am so weak, I need to almost make it a task: to force myself to put time on the calendar to "get away" with Jesus. For me, I can't be in our apartment. It is in many ways, my place of work. I have tried and tried and wanted to convince myself I can do it. But my life reveals...I don't.
So as I continue brainstorming and dialoging with others about how to grow in this discipline...I figured I'd share. We are in a very task-oriented culture. And I suspect there may be some others who could join me in needing a "refreshers course" on rest.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Easter, an "awkward" holiday...
When I was single, I wanted to write blog posts like this one so bad...
but I feared coming across in an unhelpful way.
Now that I've got a ring on my finger and have said my vows...I feel liberty to speak freely with other "marrieds".
Just a friendly reminder {or maybe a heads up if you don't already know...} from my own personal experience.
Easter goes in the category of "awkward holidays" as a single who lives far away from family.
Mother's Day. Father's Day. Also in that category.
...Holidays that aren't "big" enough on the work calendar to get a day off for to maybe visit family...yet...everyone and their mother {literally} seems to be busy because family is in town or getting together.
There's something a little bit more lonely about knowing the majority of the church is with family. And mine were hundreds {sometimes thousands} of miles away. No one is free to go out to lunch. Or to text back. Facebook is bare. With the exception of pictures of families celebrating Easter.
Maybe its physically not possible to do anything but what your family has scheduled this year. Sometimes, that is entirely legitimate.
But. Maybe you're able to consider inviting a single with long-distance {or no} family to join you? Or maybe just snag coffee with them after relatives leave?
Just a thought.
We are in fact, family in the Lord. And if your daughter or son lived far away...I imagine it would bless you if someone cared for them during the "awkward" holidays...
Saturday, March 9, 2013
The question of "Where?"
It's the most asked question about our desire to do cross-cultural mission's work.
Where?
This leads me to explain one of the things we love most about World Team.
World Team sees themselves as an aid. Helping local churches send missionaries across the Globe.
Many, many local churches around America {and around the world} don't have the knowledge, information, or cultural experience that it takes to effectively send missionaries cross-culturally.
But, World Team does.
So, sort of "holding the hand" of our local church, World Team will help us {Josh, me, and Warrington Fellowship Church} walk through this process...and that includes determining WHERE.
I am ridiculously and shamefully ignorant.
There are so many places, and peoples, cultures and even countries that I don't know about. It is daunting trying to "pick one" when I know very little {or nothing} about them.
...especially when we're planning on moving to this "unknown place" for decades...
This is where World Team comes in.
With their past and current knowledge of cultures and existing teams on various fields all over the world, they will help us as we walk through this process. Next Friday, March 16th, we will begin a week long Orientation. World Team will be watching us, interacting with us, assessing and counseling us in very deep, intentional ways. As they learn about our strengths and weaknesses, giftings and failings, at the end of the week- if they see fit to invite us to be apart of World Team-- they will suggest a number of places for us {and our local church} to prayerfully consider.
So at this point...we don't know yet. We don't know where in the world {literally} we will be going.
But, we are so blessed to have such enthusiastic support from both our local church and the members at World Team, and we are thrilled about deciding together, where "Josh and Janelle Morrison would 'fit' best as missionaries cross-culturally."
We invite you to join us as we pray for the Lord's leading!!
Where?
This leads me to explain one of the things we love most about World Team.
World Team sees themselves as an aid. Helping local churches send missionaries across the Globe.
Many, many local churches around America {and around the world} don't have the knowledge, information, or cultural experience that it takes to effectively send missionaries cross-culturally.
But, World Team does.
So, sort of "holding the hand" of our local church, World Team will help us {Josh, me, and Warrington Fellowship Church} walk through this process...and that includes determining WHERE.
I am ridiculously and shamefully ignorant.
There are so many places, and peoples, cultures and even countries that I don't know about. It is daunting trying to "pick one" when I know very little {or nothing} about them.
...especially when we're planning on moving to this "unknown place" for decades...
This is where World Team comes in.
With their past and current knowledge of cultures and existing teams on various fields all over the world, they will help us as we walk through this process. Next Friday, March 16th, we will begin a week long Orientation. World Team will be watching us, interacting with us, assessing and counseling us in very deep, intentional ways. As they learn about our strengths and weaknesses, giftings and failings, at the end of the week- if they see fit to invite us to be apart of World Team-- they will suggest a number of places for us {and our local church} to prayerfully consider.
So at this point...we don't know yet. We don't know where in the world {literally} we will be going.
But, we are so blessed to have such enthusiastic support from both our local church and the members at World Team, and we are thrilled about deciding together, where "Josh and Janelle Morrison would 'fit' best as missionaries cross-culturally."
We invite you to join us as we pray for the Lord's leading!!
The honest truth.
It's only happened two or three times. Only two that I really remember.
My heart starts racing, my eyes get wide, my mind is whirling, and I start to get knots in my stomach or a lump in my throat-- just for like 15 seconds. And then it goes away. Sort of like a freaking out, "AHHH!!"
We are going to be moving. To another country. Permanently. For the rest of our lives. Like, forever.
It's a really big deal.
This freaking out feeling is familiar. I felt it a lot more often while preparing to go to Wales. Thoughts like, "I'm giving up everything I love about my life."
I remember one night specifically before leaving Wales- at Starbucks with people who had just recently become dear, dear friends. I remember thinking, "I'll never do this with them again. This is the last time."
...I was right. By the time I got back to the States, various members of that Starbucks gathering had gotten married, or relationships had naturally shifted. I had to start all over with friends in a lot of ways when I returned.
In these 15 second freak outs, I dread nieces and nephews being born and growing up thousands and thousands of miles away. Or my own children- knowing their grandparents through skype or by pictures. I don't like the three months that separate family visits now...how will I survive with three YEARS?!
I hate time differences and how impossible it is to keep in touch with people.
I don't want to eat new food-- I like the food I eat now. It's familiar. It tastes good. I know how to cook here. In the UK it was different- Celsius, strange measurements, and their shops lacked "normal" ingredients to recipes I knew how to make. I don't want to do that again...in another language.
I don't want to learn a new language from scratch. I'm bad at studying and academics I often end up in tears. And for the academic, it takes like 2-3 years to learn...sometimes 5 to be fluent. I literally won't be able to make friends cause I can't talk to anyone!!
As all of these whirl in my mind and I can tangibly feel the reality of moving...only a few things make them go away. But. They go away very, very quickly.
I must hate this life if I'm truly going to live for the next.
That doesn't mean I'm never going to love the people, the food, the terrain, the life we establish in whatever country we go to.
In fact, Wales turned from "the Scary Sacrificial Unknown" into "one of the dearest places on earth with very close friends" in a year and a half.
But it does mean "giving up" the sweet little life I had planned in my mind. A big house with a fireplace for tons of company and foster kids; family visits at our place for Holidays, having a little salon in our home to do hair while the kids are napping...and just enjoying life. Enjoying relationships. Loving on people. Ministering to them, witnessing to them...
But.
There are people who do not have access to the Gospel.
Now that I am informed about "the unreached"...it will literally haunt me unless I go. I cannot with a clear conscience, stay here in the States knowing that there thousands and millions of people all over the world who have never HEARD the name of Jesus. Who CAN'T pick up a Bible because there ISN'T one in their language. And I'm not just talking about in some remote village. In countries you and I know about, have heard of, have seen on the news, and maybe even have vacationed to.
"How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in Him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent?" Romans 10:14-15
The Lord will always be with me.
And this time, when I go. I will have my best friend with me. That makes a huge difference practically and culturally.
Josh and I are both excited about studying and learning more about Heaven; The New Earth. We want our hearts to be stirred...to be further convinced-- that this life...is just for the next.
Let's try to pack the place out.
My heart starts racing, my eyes get wide, my mind is whirling, and I start to get knots in my stomach or a lump in my throat-- just for like 15 seconds. And then it goes away. Sort of like a freaking out, "AHHH!!"
We are going to be moving. To another country. Permanently. For the rest of our lives. Like, forever.
It's a really big deal.
This freaking out feeling is familiar. I felt it a lot more often while preparing to go to Wales. Thoughts like, "I'm giving up everything I love about my life."
I remember one night specifically before leaving Wales- at Starbucks with people who had just recently become dear, dear friends. I remember thinking, "I'll never do this with them again. This is the last time."
...I was right. By the time I got back to the States, various members of that Starbucks gathering had gotten married, or relationships had naturally shifted. I had to start all over with friends in a lot of ways when I returned.
In these 15 second freak outs, I dread nieces and nephews being born and growing up thousands and thousands of miles away. Or my own children- knowing their grandparents through skype or by pictures. I don't like the three months that separate family visits now...how will I survive with three YEARS?!
I hate time differences and how impossible it is to keep in touch with people.
I don't want to eat new food-- I like the food I eat now. It's familiar. It tastes good. I know how to cook here. In the UK it was different- Celsius, strange measurements, and their shops lacked "normal" ingredients to recipes I knew how to make. I don't want to do that again...in another language.
I don't want to learn a new language from scratch. I'm bad at studying and academics I often end up in tears. And for the academic, it takes like 2-3 years to learn...sometimes 5 to be fluent. I literally won't be able to make friends cause I can't talk to anyone!!
As all of these whirl in my mind and I can tangibly feel the reality of moving...only a few things make them go away. But. They go away very, very quickly.
I must hate this life if I'm truly going to live for the next.
That doesn't mean I'm never going to love the people, the food, the terrain, the life we establish in whatever country we go to.
In fact, Wales turned from "the Scary Sacrificial Unknown" into "one of the dearest places on earth with very close friends" in a year and a half.
But it does mean "giving up" the sweet little life I had planned in my mind. A big house with a fireplace for tons of company and foster kids; family visits at our place for Holidays, having a little salon in our home to do hair while the kids are napping...and just enjoying life. Enjoying relationships. Loving on people. Ministering to them, witnessing to them...
But.
There are people who do not have access to the Gospel.
Now that I am informed about "the unreached"...it will literally haunt me unless I go. I cannot with a clear conscience, stay here in the States knowing that there thousands and millions of people all over the world who have never HEARD the name of Jesus. Who CAN'T pick up a Bible because there ISN'T one in their language. And I'm not just talking about in some remote village. In countries you and I know about, have heard of, have seen on the news, and maybe even have vacationed to.
"How then will they call on Him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in Him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent?" Romans 10:14-15
The Lord will always be with me.
And this time, when I go. I will have my best friend with me. That makes a huge difference practically and culturally.
Josh and I are both excited about studying and learning more about Heaven; The New Earth. We want our hearts to be stirred...to be further convinced-- that this life...is just for the next.
Let's try to pack the place out.
Monday, February 18, 2013
Dear Christian Parent...
I do not yet have kids, but I'd like to share my observations-- and the temptations I imagine you might be facing...
When you hear about the extravagant birthday party a friend threw for their kid...do you feel discouraged? Is it difficult knowing you have "100 ways to save money in your grocery budget" pinned on pinterest, and you don't even have time to read the post, let alone implement anything? Does everyone else seem like they're just "doing life" a little bit better than you? Cuter, and cheaper, and more elaborate? They're kids are just better behaved? Happier?
I received a small note from my own dad on my Birthday last week. His readiness to boast {yet again} in the grace of God almost DESPITE he and my mom's parenting...was a fresh reminder to me:
"Biblical Parenting" isn't flawless. Honouring God doesn't mean everything is decorated nicely and everyone is happy and smiling with the most recent holiday-themed, decorated lunch. Parenting, like life, looks different for everyone. Yet, what we strive for, should be rooted in Biblical Principles. Your kids, if they are going to follow Christ, need to learn how to forgive, overlook, forbear, pursue humility, etc. And God gives them opportunities THROUGH your weaknesses in parenting, to allow their small, frail, perhaps beginning faith to grow and be strengthened. He will use every mistake for their good AND your good. How will they learn to forgive if they are not sinned against? How will they know they need Jesus unless they watch you lean and depend on Him- knowing you are weak and He is strong?
Think of "perfect parenting" in your mind. Now consider: Where is there room or need for Jesus? How could your children watch and experience grace? Or see a need for Christ at all? Parenting that is flawed, helps kids see our need for Jesus. It's on purpose that you are human. "Fun Pinterest Mom" everyday doesn't do what you ARE doing everyday; demonstrating how to live a life that is dependent on God. THAT is far more important than how often you do crafts, make home-made granola, or cut your kids PBJ in cute shapes.
May the grace of God keep your blinders on- so that you may rejoice with others in their gifts, and compare yourself only to Christ. You will fall woefully short. He will saturate you in grace, and encourage your weary heart: giving you wisdom as you seek Him and ask.
His grace to you this morning,
Janelle
When you hear about the extravagant birthday party a friend threw for their kid...do you feel discouraged? Is it difficult knowing you have "100 ways to save money in your grocery budget" pinned on pinterest, and you don't even have time to read the post, let alone implement anything? Does everyone else seem like they're just "doing life" a little bit better than you? Cuter, and cheaper, and more elaborate? They're kids are just better behaved? Happier?
I received a small note from my own dad on my Birthday last week. His readiness to boast {yet again} in the grace of God almost DESPITE he and my mom's parenting...was a fresh reminder to me:
"Biblical Parenting" isn't flawless. Honouring God doesn't mean everything is decorated nicely and everyone is happy and smiling with the most recent holiday-themed, decorated lunch. Parenting, like life, looks different for everyone. Yet, what we strive for, should be rooted in Biblical Principles. Your kids, if they are going to follow Christ, need to learn how to forgive, overlook, forbear, pursue humility, etc. And God gives them opportunities THROUGH your weaknesses in parenting, to allow their small, frail, perhaps beginning faith to grow and be strengthened. He will use every mistake for their good AND your good. How will they learn to forgive if they are not sinned against? How will they know they need Jesus unless they watch you lean and depend on Him- knowing you are weak and He is strong?
Think of "perfect parenting" in your mind. Now consider: Where is there room or need for Jesus? How could your children watch and experience grace? Or see a need for Christ at all? Parenting that is flawed, helps kids see our need for Jesus. It's on purpose that you are human. "Fun Pinterest Mom" everyday doesn't do what you ARE doing everyday; demonstrating how to live a life that is dependent on God. THAT is far more important than how often you do crafts, make home-made granola, or cut your kids PBJ in cute shapes.
May the grace of God keep your blinders on- so that you may rejoice with others in their gifts, and compare yourself only to Christ. You will fall woefully short. He will saturate you in grace, and encourage your weary heart: giving you wisdom as you seek Him and ask.
His grace to you this morning,
Janelle
Thursday, February 7, 2013
You vs Me
It's an ugly trap.
Our culture is saturated in this comparing game. Who's better? Who is more gifted? Who's making healthier decisions about their eating? Who works out more regularly? Who is more successful? I am 100% guilty. On facebook, in comments, in my own thoughts.
What is it we're saying?
Apparently there is some "perfect superhuman" we think we're supposed to aspire to be. Someone who works out, eats healthy, loves their spouse {but doesn't over-due telling the world that; a perfect balance is necessary}. Someone who can juggle their time and responsibilities, who home-makes everything and is frugal, who's crafty and cute, who is adored, loved, cherished, worshipped...
...wait. Worshipped? That's going a little overboard.
But. Is it?
Scripture rehearses the beauty of boasting in weakness over and over again. The Perfect Superhuman above doesn't have room for real weakness. They don't need Jesus.
What happened to us celebrating and rejoicing in our differences? Excited about one another's gifts, and yes, encouraging those....without communicating, "Your gifts are better than mine." Is this a mis-guided effort to pursue humility?
ARE we encouraging? Are we encouraging the body of Christ? Or are we puffing others up and tearing down what God has given us?
"For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function....Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them..."
If we all were on the same journey in life {which we're not} and all had the same grace given for the same gifts {which we don't} then this life would feel like a race. To be better, and do better.
But God specifically made us different. So that we CAN'T compare. We are to compare ourselves to the One Perfect Human, Jesus. And we fall woefully short in every way. It is there, in our weakness, He rescues us.
Consider this a small rant. :) More to come on it in the future, I suspect...
Our culture is saturated in this comparing game. Who's better? Who is more gifted? Who's making healthier decisions about their eating? Who works out more regularly? Who is more successful? I am 100% guilty. On facebook, in comments, in my own thoughts.
What is it we're saying?
Apparently there is some "perfect superhuman" we think we're supposed to aspire to be. Someone who works out, eats healthy, loves their spouse {but doesn't over-due telling the world that; a perfect balance is necessary}. Someone who can juggle their time and responsibilities, who home-makes everything and is frugal, who's crafty and cute, who is adored, loved, cherished, worshipped...
...wait. Worshipped? That's going a little overboard.
But. Is it?
Scripture rehearses the beauty of boasting in weakness over and over again. The Perfect Superhuman above doesn't have room for real weakness. They don't need Jesus.
What happened to us celebrating and rejoicing in our differences? Excited about one another's gifts, and yes, encouraging those....without communicating, "Your gifts are better than mine." Is this a mis-guided effort to pursue humility?
ARE we encouraging? Are we encouraging the body of Christ? Or are we puffing others up and tearing down what God has given us?
"For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function....Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them..."
If we all were on the same journey in life {which we're not} and all had the same grace given for the same gifts {which we don't} then this life would feel like a race. To be better, and do better.
But God specifically made us different. So that we CAN'T compare. We are to compare ourselves to the One Perfect Human, Jesus. And we fall woefully short in every way. It is there, in our weakness, He rescues us.
Consider this a small rant. :) More to come on it in the future, I suspect...
Friday, February 1, 2013
Unreached Passion
"I want to go where no one else wants to go."
In my very first conversation with Josh as we drove away from the airport and to a wedding where he knew the groom, and I knew the bride...he uttered the above sentence.
Little did I know then, the depth to which he meant this, nor the profound impact it would have on my own life.
As conversations have been uttered, and prayers have been prayed, it is increasingly more clear that we want to move to another country and people group. One who has not yet heard the good news of Christ, or of eternal salvation. Steps have been taken to evaluate, grow, and prepare us for what we hope will be a life-long journey. We hope you'll join us!
"But my friend hasn't yet heard the Gospel and she lives right next door...why go to another country when there are people in America who need Jesus?"
Great question.
One that I think David Platt answers very well in his message at Together For the Gospel- a conference for pastors.
In it, he emphasizes: local mission and local ministry are totally necessary. Our defenses can go up when missionaries talk about the "urgent need" somewhere thousands of miles away when our own hearts ache for neighbors, co-workers, or family members who still don't know the love of Christ. And for the sake of those dear souls here in America...we need people to stay.
But that doesn't mean that all people are to stay: we, as a church, need people to go too.
Global missions is tragically neglected.
David Platt defines unreached in this way, and I pray it is helpful as you consider journeying with us through this blog:
"Unreached means you're lost and you don't have access to the Gospel by which you can be found. There's no church, no Christian, no Bible available around you. Practically, to live among an unreached people means that you will be born, you will live, and you will die without ever hearing the Gospel that we celebrate....
And there's two billion people in six thousand people groups for whom that is a reality at this moment."
I wish I could pay you to watch this message on line. It's that good. Comments welcome.
In my very first conversation with Josh as we drove away from the airport and to a wedding where he knew the groom, and I knew the bride...he uttered the above sentence.
Little did I know then, the depth to which he meant this, nor the profound impact it would have on my own life.
As conversations have been uttered, and prayers have been prayed, it is increasingly more clear that we want to move to another country and people group. One who has not yet heard the good news of Christ, or of eternal salvation. Steps have been taken to evaluate, grow, and prepare us for what we hope will be a life-long journey. We hope you'll join us!
"But my friend hasn't yet heard the Gospel and she lives right next door...why go to another country when there are people in America who need Jesus?"
Great question.
One that I think David Platt answers very well in his message at Together For the Gospel- a conference for pastors.
In it, he emphasizes: local mission and local ministry are totally necessary. Our defenses can go up when missionaries talk about the "urgent need" somewhere thousands of miles away when our own hearts ache for neighbors, co-workers, or family members who still don't know the love of Christ. And for the sake of those dear souls here in America...we need people to stay.
But that doesn't mean that all people are to stay: we, as a church, need people to go too.
Global missions is tragically neglected.
David Platt defines unreached in this way, and I pray it is helpful as you consider journeying with us through this blog:
"Unreached means you're lost and you don't have access to the Gospel by which you can be found. There's no church, no Christian, no Bible available around you. Practically, to live among an unreached people means that you will be born, you will live, and you will die without ever hearing the Gospel that we celebrate....
And there's two billion people in six thousand people groups for whom that is a reality at this moment."
I wish I could pay you to watch this message on line. It's that good. Comments welcome.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Twisted Truth.
A very wise woman once asked me, "What truth is it that's 'gone wrong' for you to be thinking this way? What good thing has become distorted?"
At the time, I was convinced God was more pleased with me in seasons of suffering. In suffering I'd thought, "This is God's kindness to me. He loves me and wants me to enjoy more of Him and His promises right now. He loves to grow me, and I grow in trials. He wants to keep me near Him- that's why this trial is here."
Now, can that thought be true? Absolutely it can.
But when taken to the "enth" degree, seasons of prosperity {ehem, like now for me} can feel like God is far away. Or that something is wrong if I don't tangibly feel my need for Him like I did in a more trying time.
...unless it is replaced with thoughts like, "This prosperity is God's kindness to me. He loves me and wants me to enjoy more of Him and His gifts right now. He wants to keep me near Him and show me His goodness- that's why this prosperity is here."
...why is it that the second is far more difficult for me to believe? And remind myself of?
I live as though I believe it is more godly to suffer.
We cannot control whether we suffer or prosper, nor the seasons they change. The "season" is not more godly or ungodly. It's how we RESPOND to the season that reveals our hearts.
I am currently doing a project for my counseling class on "the fear of disillusionment." Basically, the twisted truth here, is over-weighing the thoughts and observations of others to the degree that my own discernment or perspective is not valid.
I fear that I am walking, living in, and blind to destructive sin patterns in my life that others from far away can see, but I {and those closest to me} can't. When incorrectly accused, even if I have many observations from people very close to me that strongly disagree with the accusation, I find it incredibly difficult to dismiss it.
...and not because I want to protect my reputation...but because I fear there MUST be truth in what they brought.
I am learning that my definition of humility and understanding of how to pursue it, is incomplete and at times, totally inaccurate.
My husband and I just read through Job...and it was revealed only more. Job did not waiver to "agree" with the wrong conclusions his friends presented/corrected/rebuked him with. And somehow, at the end of Job, God does not correct Job for dismissing and disagreeing with his "WISE" friend's correction. In fact, God tells these accusing counselors, that they "did not speak what was right about Him" but that Job HAD. This literally blows my mind.
As I am searching Scripture in preparation for this paper, I am finding so many verses that I mentally use as my "reasoning" or "logic" behind how I respond to accusation that I believe is false.
The "good thing" is that I distrust myself and value other's input in my life.
...but this has been taken to an unhealthy, sinful level. I am instead dismissing my own thoughts/perspective, and at times, down-right FACTS to somehow make these observations plausible. And the spiral affect is that I hesitate to bring observations to others because I don't want to cause the same difficulty for them if they don't agree and my observation is just incomplete. Oh, it affects so many things...
I know I can't see things totally clearly. But I have a hard time resolving that OTHERS can't always see things totally clearly.
I don't think a whole lot of people read this blog anymore :) but if you're reading this, would you mind praying for me? As I sort thought my thoughts and emotions and even pain at times, I want to hunger for God more and see things through His eyes. I want to discover and explore how I can more fully trust Him and cling to the cross.
At the time, I was convinced God was more pleased with me in seasons of suffering. In suffering I'd thought, "This is God's kindness to me. He loves me and wants me to enjoy more of Him and His promises right now. He loves to grow me, and I grow in trials. He wants to keep me near Him- that's why this trial is here."
Now, can that thought be true? Absolutely it can.
But when taken to the "enth" degree, seasons of prosperity {ehem, like now for me} can feel like God is far away. Or that something is wrong if I don't tangibly feel my need for Him like I did in a more trying time.
...unless it is replaced with thoughts like, "This prosperity is God's kindness to me. He loves me and wants me to enjoy more of Him and His gifts right now. He wants to keep me near Him and show me His goodness- that's why this prosperity is here."
...why is it that the second is far more difficult for me to believe? And remind myself of?
I live as though I believe it is more godly to suffer.
We cannot control whether we suffer or prosper, nor the seasons they change. The "season" is not more godly or ungodly. It's how we RESPOND to the season that reveals our hearts.
I am currently doing a project for my counseling class on "the fear of disillusionment." Basically, the twisted truth here, is over-weighing the thoughts and observations of others to the degree that my own discernment or perspective is not valid.
I fear that I am walking, living in, and blind to destructive sin patterns in my life that others from far away can see, but I {and those closest to me} can't. When incorrectly accused, even if I have many observations from people very close to me that strongly disagree with the accusation, I find it incredibly difficult to dismiss it.
...and not because I want to protect my reputation...but because I fear there MUST be truth in what they brought.
I am learning that my definition of humility and understanding of how to pursue it, is incomplete and at times, totally inaccurate.
My husband and I just read through Job...and it was revealed only more. Job did not waiver to "agree" with the wrong conclusions his friends presented/corrected/rebuked him with. And somehow, at the end of Job, God does not correct Job for dismissing and disagreeing with his "WISE" friend's correction. In fact, God tells these accusing counselors, that they "did not speak what was right about Him" but that Job HAD. This literally blows my mind.
As I am searching Scripture in preparation for this paper, I am finding so many verses that I mentally use as my "reasoning" or "logic" behind how I respond to accusation that I believe is false.
The "good thing" is that I distrust myself and value other's input in my life.
...but this has been taken to an unhealthy, sinful level. I am instead dismissing my own thoughts/perspective, and at times, down-right FACTS to somehow make these observations plausible. And the spiral affect is that I hesitate to bring observations to others because I don't want to cause the same difficulty for them if they don't agree and my observation is just incomplete. Oh, it affects so many things...
I know I can't see things totally clearly. But I have a hard time resolving that OTHERS can't always see things totally clearly.
I don't think a whole lot of people read this blog anymore :) but if you're reading this, would you mind praying for me? As I sort thought my thoughts and emotions and even pain at times, I want to hunger for God more and see things through His eyes. I want to discover and explore how I can more fully trust Him and cling to the cross.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
How He lived.
I've been contemplating and considering the life of Christ a lot recently. In Radical, David Platt uses Christ's example and teaching to challenge a lot of my American mindset.
I've thought and prayed about various homeless ministries I could be apart of. I want to let the challenges in Radical change and alter my cultural mindset. I've been involved in conversations and debates about homosexuality and abortion...and what it means for the Church to love others and stand for truth like Christ has loved and been Truth Himself. Have we begun to compartmentalize sin? {I hate when others do that to me!} I am so aware of the great extent I think we've failed to be Jesus to the world.
And as a few new faces and I began talking about how to "stand up" for what is right, without preaching moralism or being a hypocrite, or interacting with others through a narrow view of "their sin" that bothers us {does OUR sin bother us?}...
I started thinking about Jesus. I wondered what He'd do. Would He be initiating committees and non-profits? How would He deal with homelessness? Would He protest with a sign at an abortion clinic? How would He care for a gay friend?
I pictured Christ speaking to crowds, and then ministering to the individuals He met along His journeys. The lame, the blind, the woman at the well. I was affected by how He loved those He was around...whoever He came in contact with. He didn't seek people out by categories.
In my head I concluded, "Ya, it's not like He came and tried to save the world." And then I laughed...because actually, He did.
But what I tend to think "saving the world" looks like, is changing the world as a whole. In large groups with conferences and megaphones and really good one-liners that are posted and re-posted on fb and cut to the heart so unbelievers see their need for a Saviour. In my mind, all of this is done quickly and effectively. But that is not what Jesus came to do.
He came to save us. And to individually and uniquely save us from our sin. That's the beautiful thing about testimony's: no two are ever alike.
As we discussed in Community Group Tuesday night- there is a temptation to think that we could be more successful in ministry if we had a title or status of some kind.
...but Jesus didn't. He was a carpenter's son. Who loved and served and taught and discipled those whom the Father gave Him.
So as I go about my week nannying, running business and having countless business meetings for insurance, marketing, hiring employees, etc., or as I grocery shop and do laundry at the laundromat, or take my class on Thursday nights, go to youth group, or ride the train...am I being sensitive to how God might use me to interact with people He puts in my path? I am convicted even as I write this.
Last week in class, David Powlison said, "Jesus was busy. But He was never rushed." We talked about how strong and prevalent distraction is in our culture today. I am constantly distracted. I am aware of a need to change. I need the Holy Spirit to work in and through me. To help me build relationships {real friendships} with unbelievers...for the purpose of sharing Hope and Life with them. Am I too busy with the "big vision" of getting groceries, or finishing laundry, or doing business...that I miss those "little visions" of how I can love, serve, and care for others in the mundane?
From what I can tell, all of Jesus' ministry was done in the mundane.
Lord, please. Help me better know who You are, that I might reflect You to those You put in my path. Help me fight distraction and be focused on You even in the mundane.
I've thought and prayed about various homeless ministries I could be apart of. I want to let the challenges in Radical change and alter my cultural mindset. I've been involved in conversations and debates about homosexuality and abortion...and what it means for the Church to love others and stand for truth like Christ has loved and been Truth Himself. Have we begun to compartmentalize sin? {I hate when others do that to me!} I am so aware of the great extent I think we've failed to be Jesus to the world.
And as a few new faces and I began talking about how to "stand up" for what is right, without preaching moralism or being a hypocrite, or interacting with others through a narrow view of "their sin" that bothers us {does OUR sin bother us?}...
I started thinking about Jesus. I wondered what He'd do. Would He be initiating committees and non-profits? How would He deal with homelessness? Would He protest with a sign at an abortion clinic? How would He care for a gay friend?
I pictured Christ speaking to crowds, and then ministering to the individuals He met along His journeys. The lame, the blind, the woman at the well. I was affected by how He loved those He was around...whoever He came in contact with. He didn't seek people out by categories.
In my head I concluded, "Ya, it's not like He came and tried to save the world." And then I laughed...because actually, He did.
But what I tend to think "saving the world" looks like, is changing the world as a whole. In large groups with conferences and megaphones and really good one-liners that are posted and re-posted on fb and cut to the heart so unbelievers see their need for a Saviour. In my mind, all of this is done quickly and effectively. But that is not what Jesus came to do.
He came to save us. And to individually and uniquely save us from our sin. That's the beautiful thing about testimony's: no two are ever alike.
As we discussed in Community Group Tuesday night- there is a temptation to think that we could be more successful in ministry if we had a title or status of some kind.
...but Jesus didn't. He was a carpenter's son. Who loved and served and taught and discipled those whom the Father gave Him.
So as I go about my week nannying, running business and having countless business meetings for insurance, marketing, hiring employees, etc., or as I grocery shop and do laundry at the laundromat, or take my class on Thursday nights, go to youth group, or ride the train...am I being sensitive to how God might use me to interact with people He puts in my path? I am convicted even as I write this.
Last week in class, David Powlison said, "Jesus was busy. But He was never rushed." We talked about how strong and prevalent distraction is in our culture today. I am constantly distracted. I am aware of a need to change. I need the Holy Spirit to work in and through me. To help me build relationships {real friendships} with unbelievers...for the purpose of sharing Hope and Life with them. Am I too busy with the "big vision" of getting groceries, or finishing laundry, or doing business...that I miss those "little visions" of how I can love, serve, and care for others in the mundane?
From what I can tell, all of Jesus' ministry was done in the mundane.
Lord, please. Help me better know who You are, that I might reflect You to those You put in my path. Help me fight distraction and be focused on You even in the mundane.
Monday, September 3, 2012
Challenged
It's been a challenging few weeks. Not circumstantially...but inwardly. In my heart, and my mind. Josh and I, along with some family members, have just finished the book Radical by David Platt.
It has been life-transforming. Perspective-altering. I recommend it to you. Highly.
The reader is challenged to take a look at the wealth in America. I have never in my life considered myself to be wealthy...until reading this book. Mere shelter, water, food, and transportation of any kind {including public} make me among a very small percent of the wealthiest in the WORLD.
Josh just finished reading Forgotten God by Francis Chan and I have benefited from his thoughts on it greatly. Can't wait to dig into it myself.
God is using these books {they are mere tools...He is the One working} to open my eyes and challenge my perspective.
I take pride in how little money we have spent on our furniture or decorations in our apartment. I make it a personal goal to spend as little as I can on food for us each month. Often, I make gifts instead of purchasing them. I love coupons, and getting deals. I take comfort in knowing we give money away regularly and work to live on as little as possible. We have what I would consider a small savings account for emergencies.
Emergency.
Funny word, huh? Francis Chan challenges the perspective of our "Emergency Funds"...to maybe fix a car. Or not need to be uncomfortable, but just keep right on living as if a great expense hadn't come up unexpectedly. {makes it kind of easy to not trust God if our hearts aren't engaged} Yet. Isn't starvation around the world an emergency? Or sex trafficking? Kind of puts my "emergency" in a different category...do I not think other's lives are as important as mine? Or...as my running-perfectly car? ::gulp::
Do I turn and look away from how a sacrifice of my earthly comforts, could make a difference in eternity? Do I ACTUALLY believe this life is temporary, and the next is forever? Ugh. It is so sad. So often, I do not live to believe this.
I have been challenged by the teaching of Christ. To give. My time. My gifts. My resources. He has given them all to me. To enjoy, yes. And to give away to bless others.
Not giving what is comfortable to give...or what's left over. David Platt talks about "What we can spare" and "What it will take." He has helped me re-define "necessity."
Just think how different the Gospel would look if God didn't ask the question, "What will it take" in regards to saving us. Praise Him for sending our Saviour!
"Well ya, but..." has been the beginning of many, many, many thoughts as I've listened, dialogued, read, and prayed. Yet, the probing of my heart has not stopped.
I am so grateful for a husband who so understands the message of Christ-- one that challenges our hearts. He has been an amazing godly encouragement and leads me so well. Encouraging me with things like, "Wealth is not wrong. Loving it is."
Right. It's not about how much I am giving or what homeless/poverty ministry {if any} I'm involved in. But where is my heart? What am I really passionate about? How MUCH do I want to help others? Am I willing to sacrifice? Do I even know what that means?
This blog post has no resolution to it...it is mere musings. Thoughts not fully processed. Join me in wrestling with what this looks like for you. It will be different for both of us.
But my prayer is that as a nation especially...with more wealth and resources than any other...that as a church, we would be affected by the needs around us...mostly the spiritual needs. And that we would be bothered enough to actually do something about them.
It has been life-transforming. Perspective-altering. I recommend it to you. Highly.
The reader is challenged to take a look at the wealth in America. I have never in my life considered myself to be wealthy...until reading this book. Mere shelter, water, food, and transportation of any kind {including public} make me among a very small percent of the wealthiest in the WORLD.
Josh just finished reading Forgotten God by Francis Chan and I have benefited from his thoughts on it greatly. Can't wait to dig into it myself.
God is using these books {they are mere tools...He is the One working} to open my eyes and challenge my perspective.
I take pride in how little money we have spent on our furniture or decorations in our apartment. I make it a personal goal to spend as little as I can on food for us each month. Often, I make gifts instead of purchasing them. I love coupons, and getting deals. I take comfort in knowing we give money away regularly and work to live on as little as possible. We have what I would consider a small savings account for emergencies.
Emergency.
Funny word, huh? Francis Chan challenges the perspective of our "Emergency Funds"...to maybe fix a car. Or not need to be uncomfortable, but just keep right on living as if a great expense hadn't come up unexpectedly. {makes it kind of easy to not trust God if our hearts aren't engaged} Yet. Isn't starvation around the world an emergency? Or sex trafficking? Kind of puts my "emergency" in a different category...do I not think other's lives are as important as mine? Or...as my running-perfectly car? ::gulp::
Do I turn and look away from how a sacrifice of my earthly comforts, could make a difference in eternity? Do I ACTUALLY believe this life is temporary, and the next is forever? Ugh. It is so sad. So often, I do not live to believe this.
I have been challenged by the teaching of Christ. To give. My time. My gifts. My resources. He has given them all to me. To enjoy, yes. And to give away to bless others.
Not giving what is comfortable to give...or what's left over. David Platt talks about "What we can spare" and "What it will take." He has helped me re-define "necessity."
Just think how different the Gospel would look if God didn't ask the question, "What will it take" in regards to saving us. Praise Him for sending our Saviour!
"Well ya, but..." has been the beginning of many, many, many thoughts as I've listened, dialogued, read, and prayed. Yet, the probing of my heart has not stopped.
I am so grateful for a husband who so understands the message of Christ-- one that challenges our hearts. He has been an amazing godly encouragement and leads me so well. Encouraging me with things like, "Wealth is not wrong. Loving it is."
Right. It's not about how much I am giving or what homeless/poverty ministry {if any} I'm involved in. But where is my heart? What am I really passionate about? How MUCH do I want to help others? Am I willing to sacrifice? Do I even know what that means?
This blog post has no resolution to it...it is mere musings. Thoughts not fully processed. Join me in wrestling with what this looks like for you. It will be different for both of us.
But my prayer is that as a nation especially...with more wealth and resources than any other...that as a church, we would be affected by the needs around us...mostly the spiritual needs. And that we would be bothered enough to actually do something about them.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
You surpass them all.
Happy Birthday, Mom!
I was going to make a list up to how old you are...but I thought...you might not appreciate that. So...its up to how old I am :)
Things I love about you:
1. How you consistently encourage me to trust the LORD.
Whether it was waiting for a husband, needing guidance about moving overseas {or back}, dealing with relationships, confusion about circumstances...your counsel is the same: Trust. Trust the One who does know.
2. How you live your own counsel...you trust the LORD.
While the ways to list this are beyond number...the one that most has affected my life...is how you trust God with your children. {Any moms reading: this is the secret!!!} Whether it was in my High School rebelious years, or releasing us kids to move to various parts of the world with your prayers and support...or perhaps its even been most in my adult life that I've enjoyed this: You honestly and fully 100% completely believe and trust that I am seeking God...and HE WILL LEAD ME. There are no words to thank you for this. Your confidence in the Holy Spirit's work in my life, has granted me more freedom in grace than you could know. Your girls love it so much...we talk over the phone about how much of a blessing it is to us. Thank you, Mom.
3. How you always put your left hand on your hip when you cook.
Turns out...its hereditary ;)
4. The way you toss popcorn in that big silver bowl.
Hundreds and thousands of times. To bless people, to thank them, to say, "thinking of you and love you"...or just to fill a box you're popping in the post. Better to have edible popcorn than the styrofoam kind, right? ;)
5. How you submit to your husband.
I was over 18 years old before I learned you and daddy didn't always fully agree on rules for us!
This same submission {and trust in God} has moved you from the place you called home for over 20 years...the wood floors that your children learned to walk on...the poles we slild down in the basement...the sidewalks we rode our bikes on and then wrote Nan, Pops, and Nicole "welcome" signs with chalk...you left it to follow what God was leading you and daddy to. A place where you knew no one. Just to do the same thing a few years later, and move again. You have done this with joy, and trust in both daddy, and the LORD.
6. Your warmth.
Everyone feels like your kid because of how much you love.
7. That you're more expressive and enthusiastic than me.
8. That you're older than your husband and met him at a wedding.
Turns out...that's hereditary too.
9. How hilarious you are!
No text is received without a laugh! {sometimes...I forward the really funny ones to my friends.}
10. How welcoming you are.
Everyone is invited. All the time. Even if we just met them over a weekend and we don't really know them...they can come on our family vacation. {my favourite part about this example...is that its not an exaggeration.}
11. How you try to come up with reasons to give us money.
"um...this is for doing my hair. And to get something to eat before you get on the plane." When you've really given me 1500x the amount that would cost. "This is for letting us come see you..." ...right. and ALLLL the expenses that entails. "This is for gas." "But mom, someone else drove me." "Well, this is for the gas you would've spent."
12. How you tell me I'm so creative whenever I make a craft of any kind.
...when in reality...you make more crafts than anyone on the planet.
13. How you always say that Pops would be proud of me and my business.
14. That all you wanted when we were little was for us "to get along" with eachother.
...and how 20 years later...its one of the things that blesses you the most: your kids' relationships with each other.
15. The Crazy 8's are still in your life...how many years later? {shhh. no one will tell.}
High School friends and relationships that have lasted DECADES.
16. The way you're "From New Jersey" when you mean business.
and that you came up with that expression and all your kids know what it means ;)
17. How hard you fight for peace in relationships.
18. The way you say, "Oh honey!"
19. How absolutely amazing you are with any child anywhere.
20. The ways you rejoiced with me and encouraged me that Josh was "the one" and so very evidently who God was leading me to.
"How was picking up the Best Man? Was he cute?! I PRAYED he was cute!"
21. How you "could talk to me all day" every time we talk.
22. That cheese and crackers is always the first snack offered.
Of course with a glass of wine.
23. The way you tell stories.
They are the BEST.
24. How you used to make us watch random Oprah shows so we'd remember not to talk to strangers.
It worked! :)
25. How sympathetic you are.
You always tell me I must be so tired and I'm working so hard. I need a nap and to have some fun.
26. That you're MY mom.
And you always will be.
I love you so much! Happy Birthday!
{Dear everyone: please feel free to comment about the reasons YOU love my mom}
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
The Voices of Others
Satan loves it. He encourages lies. He wants us to feel our filth without finding cleansing. He doesn't want us to silence the voices of others in our heads...
I imagine everyone battles this to some degree. I would imagine girls struggle more...probably because we DO it more.
Its the sneaky, un-stated, un-communicated expectations that we put on others...and that they put on us. That when un-met, breed tension, difficulty, strife, and confusion.
Chances are, we've all been on both the giving and receiving ends of this disgusting expectation. We've helped rob joy from others because of our selfishness. We've communicated legalistically with others, while giving ourselves heapings of grace. We've voluntarily withheld love. We've closed our mouths in self-righteousness thinking we were "being the bigger person" when we should've opened it to communicate our struggle. We've stopped pursuing because other's aren't responding-- and we try to come up with a reason in our minds as to "why" they're not doing what we want. We've ignored conflict. Or on the other end, we've instigated conflict by judging those who've not met our own expectations- calling it sin while not knowing their heart.
...and the sad part is...I'm sure we're more aware of when its done TO us, than when we are the culprits.
I find it incredibly hard to feel "forgiven" for these un-stated offenses. It's as though I think, because they are "hidden" (have not been communicated to me)...God must not be aware of them either...so He can't forgive them...but they still exist. I am still condemned for them.
Not matter how hard anyone tries to convince me that it's not my responsibility to "figure out" what I've done wrong, or to trust that God will bring something out if and when He chooses...I am fighting so.stinkin.hard to let it go. I want to KNOW what I must've done wrong for someone to've "said this" or "done that". It is hard to pretend "I don't know" that they talk to others about whatever it is I've not measured up to. And I desperately want to know. I want to change. I want to hear those conversations and ask questions...
Years ago, this looked like reputation-preservation in myself. By the grace of God, I don't believe that's as strong as it once was. Yet, in recent months, He is tugging at sinful roots that go far deeper.
I am not trusting. I feel I cannot trust. Without hearing the other's "side" or perspective...surely I am guilty of whatever it is they have against me. I don't trust God. I don't trust the consistent observation of those closest to me and most involved in my life. I think to myself, "We all must be deceived. Whatever my 'condemner' says must be the real truth."
And as I drove down the road yesterday, contemplating these things...the Holy Spirit brought His Word to me,
"So far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." Romans 12:18
...I just looked it up to find the reference and found another absolute beauty: it begins, "If possible..."
If possible. As far as it is my responsibility.
That is it. I must find peace. Peace in knowing that GOD...the Almighty Creator of the Universe...against whom I have sinned so horrifically, no human's offense- real or perceived, could compare...HE has forgiven me. HE has seen me, HE has spoken to me in many moments of me asking what I can do to fulfill "as far as it depends on me." All I can do is my responsibility. Then, I must trust Him. He is working where I cannot see. And He is obviously using this in my own heart and life as well...to draw Him to Himself. To show the cross bigger...to see grace abound even more.
...I must give it up. I cannot, and will not please/serve others well. Especially by their own definition. I cannot guarantee them that they will not be hurt by my actions...when there is real sin, or perceived. I am not in control of my relationships: I am responsible for my own actions. I must learn this distinction.
...and I must let His voice...be the voice most heard:
"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..." Romans 8
So what about you? What voices are playing in your head? What lies do you hear? When you feel you don't measure up, are you quick to boast in the cross...or do you want to know and understand and make it right?
May the LORD sweetly and gently teach our hearts...that His is the Only Voice that matters.
I imagine everyone battles this to some degree. I would imagine girls struggle more...probably because we DO it more.
Its the sneaky, un-stated, un-communicated expectations that we put on others...and that they put on us. That when un-met, breed tension, difficulty, strife, and confusion.
Chances are, we've all been on both the giving and receiving ends of this disgusting expectation. We've helped rob joy from others because of our selfishness. We've communicated legalistically with others, while giving ourselves heapings of grace. We've voluntarily withheld love. We've closed our mouths in self-righteousness thinking we were "being the bigger person" when we should've opened it to communicate our struggle. We've stopped pursuing because other's aren't responding-- and we try to come up with a reason in our minds as to "why" they're not doing what we want. We've ignored conflict. Or on the other end, we've instigated conflict by judging those who've not met our own expectations- calling it sin while not knowing their heart.
...and the sad part is...I'm sure we're more aware of when its done TO us, than when we are the culprits.
I find it incredibly hard to feel "forgiven" for these un-stated offenses. It's as though I think, because they are "hidden" (have not been communicated to me)...God must not be aware of them either...so He can't forgive them...but they still exist. I am still condemned for them.
Not matter how hard anyone tries to convince me that it's not my responsibility to "figure out" what I've done wrong, or to trust that God will bring something out if and when He chooses...I am fighting so.stinkin.hard to let it go. I want to KNOW what I must've done wrong for someone to've "said this" or "done that". It is hard to pretend "I don't know" that they talk to others about whatever it is I've not measured up to. And I desperately want to know. I want to change. I want to hear those conversations and ask questions...
Years ago, this looked like reputation-preservation in myself. By the grace of God, I don't believe that's as strong as it once was. Yet, in recent months, He is tugging at sinful roots that go far deeper.
I am not trusting. I feel I cannot trust. Without hearing the other's "side" or perspective...surely I am guilty of whatever it is they have against me. I don't trust God. I don't trust the consistent observation of those closest to me and most involved in my life. I think to myself, "We all must be deceived. Whatever my 'condemner' says must be the real truth."
And as I drove down the road yesterday, contemplating these things...the Holy Spirit brought His Word to me,
"So far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." Romans 12:18
...I just looked it up to find the reference and found another absolute beauty: it begins, "If possible..."
If possible. As far as it is my responsibility.
That is it. I must find peace. Peace in knowing that GOD...the Almighty Creator of the Universe...against whom I have sinned so horrifically, no human's offense- real or perceived, could compare...HE has forgiven me. HE has seen me, HE has spoken to me in many moments of me asking what I can do to fulfill "as far as it depends on me." All I can do is my responsibility. Then, I must trust Him. He is working where I cannot see. And He is obviously using this in my own heart and life as well...to draw Him to Himself. To show the cross bigger...to see grace abound even more.
...I must give it up. I cannot, and will not please/serve others well. Especially by their own definition. I cannot guarantee them that they will not be hurt by my actions...when there is real sin, or perceived. I am not in control of my relationships: I am responsible for my own actions. I must learn this distinction.
...and I must let His voice...be the voice most heard:
"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..." Romans 8
So what about you? What voices are playing in your head? What lies do you hear? When you feel you don't measure up, are you quick to boast in the cross...or do you want to know and understand and make it right?
May the LORD sweetly and gently teach our hearts...that His is the Only Voice that matters.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Style Me Pretty Blog
Our wonderful wedding photographer, Cheryl {cheryldawnphotography.blogspot.com} submitted our wedding to Style Me Pretty...and they posted it on their blog!
Check it out HERE!
Check it out HERE!
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Very weak in joy.
I imagine very few people will be able to relate to this posting. It is obscure, and I would guess...unusual.
Here I am, in my home-- making a salad with local produce from next door. I'm beyond-happily married to the most amazing man ever. And I cannot believe a man such as THAT loves ME. I am about to sit down and open my Bible and enjoy Truth. Today has consisted of so many fun things- creating a care package for a friend going out of the country on a missions trip, baking, cleaning, riding my bike through our adorable town to run an errand at CVS {the weather is beautiful} and I am just soaking in all of the temporary, yet so hoped-for and waited-for blessings this current season holds.
And I notice yet again, this bizarre mis-conception of God that I've seen at other times in recent years and in re-occurring conversations...
It's as though, I'm "afraid" or hesitant to go to God in abundant joy continuing to thank Him for all of these beautiful things that remind me of His love.
You see, with back-to-back traumatic, heart wrenching, rug pulled out from under me trials and heart aches in circumstances and relationships for a consecutive 5 years...I learned of God's love as I could tangibly feel my weakness. He ministered to me so sweetly in the midst of darkness. As I quoted His promises and swallowed tears. As I journaled about "hope" and "the future" and "redemption." In countless times of loneliness and misunderstanding, I knew He was with me and He understood. Glorious. Beautiful. Wouldn't trade those things I've learned for anything.
And yet, that is the opposite kind of season I find myself in now. My distorted perspective that's been revealed in the past couple of years, is that God prefers when I go through trials and tangibly experience my need for Him. He would rather me be alone and in pain because that's when I'm most rigorously being conformed to the image of Christ. I functionally believe the lie that God is more pleased with me when I'm struggling...because I know His nearness in a different way than in times of rejoicing.
And yet...this season of rejoicing has been long-lasting. The longest-lasting I can remember. The longest "stretch" of happiness and ease in my life. {And without question, the happiest time in my life.} And I am still sorting out how to best glorify God from my heart in this season. I at times find myself reluctant to thank Him for all the little blessings, because {oh this is so ridiculous!} I think if He realized how many gifts He was giving me all at one time, He might take some of them away to better "balance" this season out. Horrifying. That is so not His character. As if He "keeps track" to not "overdue it." What does this reveal about my lack of understanding of the Gospel?!
He loves to bless me. It is easy for me to remember that in times of trial. I look ahead to the "blessings" that whatever "growth" I'm experiencing will lead to. But it is so hard for me to TRULY believe He loves to bless me...when I'm receiving the blessing. Which is so ironic...because I could counsel someone else all day long on how much God loves to bless them. I must subconsciously think I don't fall under the same category.
I have been so perplexed about how to overcome this perspective and how to replace it with truth. Not just in my mind...but in my heart. I want to LIVE like I believe this.
It turns out...I am weak in seasons of joy. I am reluctant and hesitant. Oh, how I want that to change. I want to be strong in joy. Unashamed of the blessings God is giving me!
Here I am, in my home-- making a salad with local produce from next door. I'm beyond-happily married to the most amazing man ever. And I cannot believe a man such as THAT loves ME. I am about to sit down and open my Bible and enjoy Truth. Today has consisted of so many fun things- creating a care package for a friend going out of the country on a missions trip, baking, cleaning, riding my bike through our adorable town to run an errand at CVS {the weather is beautiful} and I am just soaking in all of the temporary, yet so hoped-for and waited-for blessings this current season holds.
And I notice yet again, this bizarre mis-conception of God that I've seen at other times in recent years and in re-occurring conversations...
It's as though, I'm "afraid" or hesitant to go to God in abundant joy continuing to thank Him for all of these beautiful things that remind me of His love.
You see, with back-to-back traumatic, heart wrenching, rug pulled out from under me trials and heart aches in circumstances and relationships for a consecutive 5 years...I learned of God's love as I could tangibly feel my weakness. He ministered to me so sweetly in the midst of darkness. As I quoted His promises and swallowed tears. As I journaled about "hope" and "the future" and "redemption." In countless times of loneliness and misunderstanding, I knew He was with me and He understood. Glorious. Beautiful. Wouldn't trade those things I've learned for anything.
And yet, that is the opposite kind of season I find myself in now. My distorted perspective that's been revealed in the past couple of years, is that God prefers when I go through trials and tangibly experience my need for Him. He would rather me be alone and in pain because that's when I'm most rigorously being conformed to the image of Christ. I functionally believe the lie that God is more pleased with me when I'm struggling...because I know His nearness in a different way than in times of rejoicing.
And yet...this season of rejoicing has been long-lasting. The longest-lasting I can remember. The longest "stretch" of happiness and ease in my life. {And without question, the happiest time in my life.} And I am still sorting out how to best glorify God from my heart in this season. I at times find myself reluctant to thank Him for all the little blessings, because {oh this is so ridiculous!} I think if He realized how many gifts He was giving me all at one time, He might take some of them away to better "balance" this season out. Horrifying. That is so not His character. As if He "keeps track" to not "overdue it." What does this reveal about my lack of understanding of the Gospel?!
He loves to bless me. It is easy for me to remember that in times of trial. I look ahead to the "blessings" that whatever "growth" I'm experiencing will lead to. But it is so hard for me to TRULY believe He loves to bless me...when I'm receiving the blessing. Which is so ironic...because I could counsel someone else all day long on how much God loves to bless them. I must subconsciously think I don't fall under the same category.
I have been so perplexed about how to overcome this perspective and how to replace it with truth. Not just in my mind...but in my heart. I want to LIVE like I believe this.
It turns out...I am weak in seasons of joy. I am reluctant and hesitant. Oh, how I want that to change. I want to be strong in joy. Unashamed of the blessings God is giving me!
Friday, May 4, 2012
Timeless Truth
I love Scripture.
It never changes. It always applies. God is the same...always.
I've recently taken an opportunity to make some extra cash but it's meant being away from my husband for ten days.
When I was single and waiting for God to bring my husband into my life, I regularly took comfort in Psalm 139, pouring my heart out to the Lord. Trusting He knows my desires and what I need and the un-utterable things I was looking for in a husband. Waiting on God's timing. Trusting He knows best.
"O Lord, you have searched me and known me!"
"You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways."
...and then when I'd met Josh and we were waiting for him to get a different job before we got engaged, I had this on an index card on the bathroom mirror,
"...in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me when as yet there was none of them."
I used that to remind me that GOD knew my wedding date even if I didn't. He could see what I couldn't and it had been planned since before I was created...nothing could change it.
And this morning, as I'm 994 miles away from the man I most love in all the world and haven't been able to talk to very much in the last 8 days, here I am reading this same truth.
God has known today completely since before I was born. He knows my thoughts- He discerns them from afar. HE IS NEAR. He knows the conversations I need to have today...and he's "altogether" known my words even before they are on my tongue.
So when I read, "I awake, and I am still with you"...I'm aware that I'm NOT waking up next to my beloved husband.
BUT. This timeless truth gives such comfort and peace: HE is with me. The One who has known all of my days. The One's whose eyes saw my unformed substance before I was made.
There is sweetness in the beauty of it all. My seasons of life have changed drastically: yet here He is. The same God, the same promises and truth.
Gorgeous.
It never changes. It always applies. God is the same...always.
I've recently taken an opportunity to make some extra cash but it's meant being away from my husband for ten days.
When I was single and waiting for God to bring my husband into my life, I regularly took comfort in Psalm 139, pouring my heart out to the Lord. Trusting He knows my desires and what I need and the un-utterable things I was looking for in a husband. Waiting on God's timing. Trusting He knows best.
"O Lord, you have searched me and known me!"
"You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways."
...and then when I'd met Josh and we were waiting for him to get a different job before we got engaged, I had this on an index card on the bathroom mirror,
"...in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me when as yet there was none of them."
I used that to remind me that GOD knew my wedding date even if I didn't. He could see what I couldn't and it had been planned since before I was created...nothing could change it.
And this morning, as I'm 994 miles away from the man I most love in all the world and haven't been able to talk to very much in the last 8 days, here I am reading this same truth.
God has known today completely since before I was born. He knows my thoughts- He discerns them from afar. HE IS NEAR. He knows the conversations I need to have today...and he's "altogether" known my words even before they are on my tongue.
So when I read, "I awake, and I am still with you"...I'm aware that I'm NOT waking up next to my beloved husband.
BUT. This timeless truth gives such comfort and peace: HE is with me. The One who has known all of my days. The One's whose eyes saw my unformed substance before I was made.
There is sweetness in the beauty of it all. My seasons of life have changed drastically: yet here He is. The same God, the same promises and truth.
Gorgeous.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Vows
Because vows are the focal point of the wedding {in my opinion} I thought it'd be fun to share our vows with you, the blogging world. That way, you can feel like you attended the ceremony :)
Eat some banana chocolate chip bread/cake, have a sip of coffee, and do a little dance and you've attended the reception too.
Josh's vows:
Beautiful Janelle,
Eat some banana chocolate chip bread/cake, have a sip of coffee, and do a little dance and you've attended the reception too.
Josh's vows:
Beautiful Janelle,
You are the love of my life, the most precious and perfect gift from God Almighty to me, His son. I never doubted that God would provide a woman to marry, but of the character of that woman, I could not have dared ask for one as you. You are without question more in love with God and His Word than any woman I have ever met. You are an unwavering encouragement to put all trust in God's faithfulness. You have taught me what true, active faith in the sovereignty of God looks like against life's abundant questions. You regularly display the most ridiculous selflessness towards my preferences and comfort at the neglect of your own. And you have visibly demonstrated your love for God in how you love and care for me. I am convinced that God brought us together and that He placed you in my life to be my wife so that together we would more fervently and passionately serve the name of Jesus. People say to be careful you are not finding your fulfillment in another but what I believe we have is a God-glorifying, God-honouring relationship that has built our faith in God's love and goodness as the One provider of all fulfillment. God promises in His Holy Word that as our Heavenly Father, He knows how to give His children good gifts. And Janelle, as a child of God, I have never in my life received such a purely spectacular, concretely undeserved, stunningly beautiful, exquisitely identifiable gift and demonstration of God's love for me as you, my gorgeous girl, are.
The love I have for you is both a deep attraction and emotional response, but that is just the surface. My love for you, Janelle Ann Leach, is rooted in the faithfulness of God and is as true and lasting a commitment as I have ever made or will make apart from my relationship with Jesus Christ. So in the sight of our dear friends, loving family, and above all, our Creator, Sustainer, God Most High, I make these vows as my marriage covenant to you. These vows are to be an enduring covenant between you and I in the strength of the Holy Spirit without exception until death.
Janelle, I vow today to take you as my wife from this day forward. To live with you in an understanding manner, to love you more than I love myself, being willing to lay down my life for yours. To lead you in the ways of God our Father as He leads me. To provide for your life with my strength. To hold you close in all triumphs, as well as hardships. To encourage you to mortify sin and take hold of obedience. To rejoice with you in God's goodness and faithfulness. To care for you in plenty and in poverty, and above all, to personally strive to loving God with all my heart, soul, and strength as I work to cultivate a humble spirit that seeks His glory and His Kingdom. I vow all of this to you, Janelle, in God's abundant strength, incomprehensible power, and loving wisdom. I commit my life, and all that I have to you as we join together as one in the sight of God through this marriage covenant until the Lord receives one of us to Himself. Love you.
My vows:
Joshua Mark Morrison. You are a gift from God. Aside from
the Gospel, you are the most profound expression of the Lord’s steadfast love
and faithfulness in my life. You are the greatest answer to prayer that I ever
have or ever will experience. Your mere existence has built my faith. Your
pursuit of me, and your humble and bold leadership of our relationship is a
glorious demonstration of the LORD’s listening ear and how He is intimately
acquainted with all of my ways; He has heard all of my requests. Surely, God
does far more abundantly than all we ask or imagine. Glory to His Name.
I love you with all that I am, and with all that I have.
Your character, integrity, and godliness have exceeded even my boldest prayer
requests. Your love and affection for God, your passion for His Word, and your
heart for the lost, has completely won my heart. I love God more because of how
YOU love God, and because of how you love me. Thank you for demonstrating the
grace of the Gospel to me in so many ways.
As I have watched marriages over the years I have come to
realize that I don’t actually know what exactly it is I am committing to today.
I have no idea what trials in this life we will face, or what heart aches await
us. I don’t know where God will lead us or where I’m committing to follow you
to. I can’t predict ways you or I will change over the years or what sacrifices
each of us will need to make. I have no idea how you’ll sin against me, or the
ways I’ll sin against you. I don’t know anything about our future. But what I
do know is that God is faithful. I know that the Gospel will never change, so
there will always be hope. Hope for
us individually, and hope for our marriage. I know that God will never leave us
and that He is committed to making us more like Himself. He is ultimately my
head. He has given you to me for me to follow, submit to, honour, respect,
encourage, and love until the day that I go to be with Him forever. I commit my
life to you not because of who you are (even though you are entirely
amazing)…but because of who God is. I
promise these things to you based on His character…so that no matter what you
do or don’t do, how you fail or succeed, my commitments to you will not waiver
because they are not based on you, but on the Unchanging One and what He has
called me to.
So, it is with deep, passionate, steadfast love for you, and
a sincere confidence that marrying you is submitting in obedience to the will
of our Saviour, that I joyfully make these vows to you today.
I, Janelle Ann Leach, take you, Joshua Mark Morrison to be
my husband. I purpose to love you well by seeking to always love Christ more. I
promise to seek to serve you in our life together- by striving to care for you,
listen to you, respect you, and to be attentive to your needs and wants even above
my own. I want to make it easy for you to always be intoxicated with my love. I
vow to pray for you; fervently and often. I commit myself to studying Scripture
and to cultivating an on-going desire to model Biblical Femininity. I want to
always be open and honest with you- no matter what. I hope that wherever we
call “home” throughout our years, I’m able to make a place of rest and
relaxation for you. I will seek to show hospitality to others and desire that
many would come and experience the love of God and demonstrations of the Gospel
in our home. I purpose to be willingly inconvenienced for the betterment of you
and your schedule. I promise to follow you wherever the LORD leads you; any
city, any state, any country; anytime, anywhere. I devote myself to learning
how to better support you, encourage you, affirm the work I see God doing in
you, and to treasure your strengths and gifting as they compliment my
weaknesses. If the Lord should bless us with children, I desire most to pursue
humility- as your wife, and as their mother. I purpose to respect you and speak
highly of you in front of them and to them. I promise to do all I know how to
train our children in the way they should go; it is my desire to exemplify a life
of one that fears the Lord above all else. I vow to pray for them and their
salvation; I promise to treasure your role as “Leader” in our family. I want to
exemplify humble, wise submission and respect as the Lord leads our family by
speaking to you. I promise to repent to you when the Lord convicts me of sin. When
necessary, I will give my energy and prayer to seeking to forgive you as Christ
has forgiven me; freely, fully, and completely. I want to regularly ask God to
show me how I can be a better wife to you. I intend to glean from other’s
wisdom and experience and to grow in knowledge and understanding as to how I
can be a better wife and mother. I also want to pursue God’s will for US; for our marriage, and our
family, knowing it may be very different than other’s experiences.
As I seek to be regularly affected by God’s love for me, and
grow in understanding the love Christ has demonstrated to us…it is my hope that
our marriage is the first place my overflow of love and joy abounds while I’m
delighting in the Lord. I want you to enjoy the Gospel more because of my love,
as I have enjoyed the Gospel so much more because of YOUR love.
It is because of God’s promise to complete the work He’s
begun in me that I even desire to commit these things to you today. I know that
He is my Helper, and this is what He has called me to. Even when I am
faithless, He will be faithful, and He will have His way. So, Josh, with
everything I am, before God, our family and friends, I pledge my life completely
to serving you all the days of my life.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Me-centered, comfort prayers
I find it so easy to do.
"Lord, I pray that everything would run smoothly"
"God, I ask for an easy transition/quick recovery/prompt response"
I'm not saying I think its wrong to EVER pray things like this. But I can easily get caught in a rut. My heart can at times be praying, "God, let me be comfortable, and please keep everything from disturbing me and my world. Oh. and thanks for Jesus."
I am praying through a book called, "Prayers of an Excellent Wife" right now in praying for my husband. I saw one of my mentors had it and as I first flipped through it, saw that it was saturated in Scripture. I knew I wanted it.
So just now, I read several of the prayers in it...praying Scripture over my husband. As I was adding to it at the end found myself praying, "...and I ask that everything would go smoothly for him at work..."
and the Lord had me take a step back and He shed light on that prayer...and how it kind of contradicted the previous things I'd just been praying. I then changed it, "...no...I ask that when things DON'T run smoothly at work, that you'd give him wisdom and skill to handle the situations in a way that honours and glorifies you..."
It's almost as if at times, I pray things that ignore reality. When do things really EVER go "just" as we planned? Why would we pray for that anyways, if we believe God's ways are infinitely higher than ours? Wouldn't it seem more realistic and sensible to pray, "Father, please help me see with Your eyes and help me trust You when my plans don't happen the way I expect..."
I think of it as, praying towards sanctification and growth.
Instead of ONLY praying for healing {we absolutely should} when a loved one is sick, are we also praying that if it's not the LORD's will to heal today, that He would give sustaining strength, hope, and unwavering trust in the promises of God?
When we pray for our team to win the soccer game, do we also ask for hearts and attitudes that are Kingdom-focused?
When I pray that someone's hair would turn out well...am I seeking to protect my own reputation? Or do I add onto it, "but if it is not your will, please give me wisdom as to how to handle the situation and what to do in a way that will expand Your Kingdom and reflect Your heart."
It certainly takes more concentration for me to think of how to pray God-centered, Gospel-affected prayers instead of me-centered or even need-centered prayers.
One of the prayers today ended with, "Through Your Son and for Your Glory". I thought that would be a good thing for me to contemplate AS I'm praying...am I praying these specific things really through Christ and only for His glory? Or does it sound more like I want everything to revolve around me?
I'd love your thoughts/comments.
"Lord, I pray that everything would run smoothly"
"God, I ask for an easy transition/quick recovery/prompt response"
I'm not saying I think its wrong to EVER pray things like this. But I can easily get caught in a rut. My heart can at times be praying, "God, let me be comfortable, and please keep everything from disturbing me and my world. Oh. and thanks for Jesus."
I am praying through a book called, "Prayers of an Excellent Wife" right now in praying for my husband. I saw one of my mentors had it and as I first flipped through it, saw that it was saturated in Scripture. I knew I wanted it.
So just now, I read several of the prayers in it...praying Scripture over my husband. As I was adding to it at the end found myself praying, "...and I ask that everything would go smoothly for him at work..."
and the Lord had me take a step back and He shed light on that prayer...and how it kind of contradicted the previous things I'd just been praying. I then changed it, "...no...I ask that when things DON'T run smoothly at work, that you'd give him wisdom and skill to handle the situations in a way that honours and glorifies you..."
It's almost as if at times, I pray things that ignore reality. When do things really EVER go "just" as we planned? Why would we pray for that anyways, if we believe God's ways are infinitely higher than ours? Wouldn't it seem more realistic and sensible to pray, "Father, please help me see with Your eyes and help me trust You when my plans don't happen the way I expect..."
I think of it as, praying towards sanctification and growth.
Instead of ONLY praying for healing {we absolutely should} when a loved one is sick, are we also praying that if it's not the LORD's will to heal today, that He would give sustaining strength, hope, and unwavering trust in the promises of God?
When we pray for our team to win the soccer game, do we also ask for hearts and attitudes that are Kingdom-focused?
When I pray that someone's hair would turn out well...am I seeking to protect my own reputation? Or do I add onto it, "but if it is not your will, please give me wisdom as to how to handle the situation and what to do in a way that will expand Your Kingdom and reflect Your heart."
It certainly takes more concentration for me to think of how to pray God-centered, Gospel-affected prayers instead of me-centered or even need-centered prayers.
One of the prayers today ended with, "Through Your Son and for Your Glory". I thought that would be a good thing for me to contemplate AS I'm praying...am I praying these specific things really through Christ and only for His glory? Or does it sound more like I want everything to revolve around me?
I'd love your thoughts/comments.
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