Full days, full of mercy

My days the last few weeks have been packed.

I'm down a car (which is a blessing, I must remember) so am often thinking ahead and looking at days-- planning when I can borrow which car from whom and what will be least inconvenient for all.

Because my boyfriend is the most sacrificial person ever (well, maybe besides my mom...I guess letting me live inside of her for 9 months and then giving birth to me, gives her some territory for "most...ever"), he has made himself joyfully and willingly inconvenienced in order to bless me. every.single.day.

I get up before the crack of dawn, drive him to work, and come home. Sleep for an hour or so. Wake up again, get ready and pack my things, and head out the door to clients. After about 3 clients, I go pick Josh up from work, drive him home, and continue on in doing hair until 9pm or later. (Leaving him car-less.) Long days. Lots of miles on his car. Gallons of gas.

My wonderfully amazing scheduling coordinator is on holiday this week (hope you're enjoying your hubby, Em!) I'm getting home after 9:30pm to emails to respond to, phone calls to make, contracts to compile, profiles to be updated, etc.

My days are full.

And OH, how the Lord is meeting me. He's used the verse that most encouraged me when I thought my car was worth nothing and un-sell-able to minister to me in so many ways.

"Keep your life free from the love of money and be content with what you have, for He has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.'" Heb 13.

God is providing for me even as I await His future provision.

I have cars to borrow. I have clients I'm still able to take to save money. He's not left me. He's not forsaken me. He's here. Amazing.

As I began praying for my "needs" the other day (because God loves when we come to Him and cast our cares at His feet) I felt prompted in that moment, to instead make a list of the needs I have that are provided FOR.

And as the list was written, it was almost as though my, "Lord please do _____" prayers shut up. I was even stirred with gratefulness for the toilets we have in America. I am so glad we have clean toilets to sit on-- not holes or outhouses. My comforts are ridiculous.

God delights to bless us, so I know I'm still to ask Him for things...He loves to show His faithfulness...but my perspective was so shifted, that I didn't even really remember the things I needed. He's provided SO MUCH, surely He'll meet those needs...whatever they are!

But it was a bit of a perspective adjustment as I considered that where Adam went wrong...was that he was focused on the thing he DIDN'T have...instead of EVERYTHING that he DID have.

And as these truths have been transforming me, my eyes are focusing more clearly on what's really important. It's not important how much money I have saved. Or what "timely manner" I'm able to find a reliable car in. What matters is that each and every single day, my clients are loved on, and have an opportunity to either hear the Gospel proclaimed, or in some way, see it demonstrated. That's it.

Because eventually, all the money I save, will be spent, and I'll be working on saving new money. Eventually, my new car (which I don't even have yet) will die, and I'll be car hunting again. Eventually, this season of life will be over...and I won't have an opportunity again to interact with those that I do now. And eventually me and my clients will die...and stand before a Holy Judge. And all that really matters will be revealed. And it will matter forever.

This is it: embrace this time.

He is Able.

Do you ever have things happen where you think, "Oh my gosh, this is the Lord blessing me in just the way I've asked!" or "Wow, God has so specifically answered that prayer request"...

...to only have that circumstance "fall through"...and you're left wondering,

"God, what was that? That was perfect...you were answering me...what happened?"

It's that "rug being pulled out from under you" feeling. (Though that is not the heart of God.)

I am sadly tempted to think subconsciously in those moments, that God is weak. Or that I somehow messed up. (ew. so NOT the Gospel.)

Sometimes its disappointing news back to back; other times the seeming rug-pull is so devastating it takes months to recover. Regardless, as these seasons and circumstances have come my way over the years, I have wondered what a God-centered and hope-filled response to "answered-prayer-request-followed-by-disappointment" would be or look like.

One perspective has helped and encouraged me: "He is reminding me that He is able."

A week ago I was told unexpectedly that my car needed almost $1,000 of repair. Disappointed, I decided to sell it. Only to be told I wouldn't get anything for it. UGH. I've been saving money for a while...but "new car fund" was certainly not the title of my savings.

Really? I mean. I have an on location business. I've been working so hard to save as much as I can. And this is pretty bad timing to be spending thousands of dollars I don't have. God, what are you doing?

...and in the midst of wrestling these thoughts, I continued to be comforted by the truths of Scripture.

"He who promised is faithful" would come to mind...and then I'd go read Matthew 6 to be reminded of the sparrows and lilies. My favourite verse this week became, "Keep your life free from the love of money, and be content with what you have, for He has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.'"

I kept being amazed at how much JOY I was experiencing through God's Word even when I had no idea what was happening with my car or where in the world money was going to come from. I was marveling at the peace God was giving me; convinced others were praying. Sweetly refreshed by my tangible need for Him to provide.

After talking about it...Josh and I decided...I'd try to honestly sell it on Craigslist warts and all and see what I could get for it.

I got a phone call yesterday a few hours after our post went up...ok, JOSH got a phone call (he's handled everything car-related for me. He is so wonderful.) We heard from someone who wanted it for what I was hoping to get for it, and my heart soared with worship. I texted a bunch of friends to pray it went through smoothly, and was just elated. Worshipping, praising God, thanking Him; so excited. Marveling at how quickly it was all working out.

Got home and found my title, cleaned out the car this morning, arrived early at the "meeting place" with Josh...and as I pulled into the parking lot (knowing nothing was a "done deal" yet) I prayed, "Lord, please let me not be the one who drives this car out of this parking lot."

...and the guy was a no-show.

UGH. "But God, wasn't this you answering my prayers?" "What was the point of that? He could have just said he didn't want it."

In my disappointment, I sought to talk to myself and not listen to myself. "Be encouraged: God is just reminding you and demonstrating that HE CAN DO WHATEVER He wants and WHENEVER He wants to. He is showing me His power and strength. He doesn't need lots of time. He CAN do something quickly and soon with my car...if its best for me. But unless it's best, He won't. Trust His wisdom."

Josh drove us to church and we prayed in the car. And as we drove, his phone rang...

...and at 1:00 this afternoon, my car was sold for more than the first buyer was willing to pay. I did not drive my car out of the parking lot.

Surely such a quick "turn around" isn't the norm when it comes to the Lord's ways being higher than ours. And quite frankly, sometimes his ways don't look higher until years and years later.

But. We can trust that they ARE.

Whether your disappointment has come after years of waiting and hoping, or its something you just prayed about for the first time 5 minutes ago, you can take heart: He is able. Let His power and strength encourage you and build your faith. He CAN. He has the power. He is not weak. He is all-wise. He wants to remind you He knows best...will you trust Him?

Would our hearts be steadfastly assured of His love for us...and would we trust His wisdom.

God is faithful; REJOICE!

Lookin' good

It's amazing to me how un-creative the enemy is, how sneaky my sin is, and how surprised I am when new temptations arise.

If I begin something new, in a matter of weeks the Holy Spirit will be revealing to me how I've begun emphasizing the wrong thing in my initial "want to do good" endeavor. Welcome to Romans 7.

This time, it's vanity.

About a month ago I began working out consistently and just keeping an eye on what I'm eating and at what time. Though I've always technically weighed more than most of my friends because I'm tall and have left over muscle from years of childhood gymnastics, I wasn't looking for results on the scale. The goal was to have more energy during the day and feel better: just tone up a bit. No big deal.

Things were going great; I was seeing the results I was looking for and even sleeping better at night and waking up so refreshed in the morning. There have been far more bonuses than I'd even realized!

Then. Today happened. For some reason, I just felt like I went 4 weeks backwards...felt no different than when I started. Technically gained weight (I think- I hope! due to muscle) and became discouraged. Fed up, actually. To the point of anger: "This is stupid. I don't care anyways. Nevermind."

Thankfully, the Lord does not leave me in my sin. He began prompting and probing my heart. I then started having thoughts like this:

"So, when I was getting what I wanted...the results I wanted...this was all fine and dandy and wonderful. But when I stopped getting what I wanted...this ceased to ever be about wanting to honour the Lord with good stewardship of my body...and became about ME. How I look. How I feel. How I feel about how I look..."

...and I was convicted of my vanity. I became central. I'd made this an idol.

I think being in the hair and make-up industry, the pull towards vanity can be even stronger. My profession is beauty. Making things more beautiful to the eye. Being critical to then "fix" something. I've been praying that I would believe Scripture, "Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." I've been asking God to grow my fear of Him...and to make me more concerned about my fear of Him than what I look/feel like. I want to prioritize my soul over my body.

And as I've been confessing this today and getting my (wonderful) boyfriend to pray with me and for me, the depth of it has really begun to increase in my eyes. I've noticed that subtly and in fleeting thoughts, I've made someone else's body an idol. "I want to look like THAT."

Now. Is there anything inherently wrong with that thought? I don't think necessarily. Having goals can be wonderful and motivate us-- and being healthy and in shape can be a great thing! But I've been asking myself...what emphasis am I putting on it? Is it in it's right place? Am I COVETING something I don't have? Or am I seeking to honour the Lord with my body; as a temple of His Holy Spirit and trusting that He's being honoured in my journey as I seek to accomplish my goal?

There are many "good" reasons to lose weight and get in shape. A teenager could exercise faithfully to make the team-- seeking to glorify God with her athleticism. A wife could want to tone up to bless her husband. Or a mom might be fighting for energy to play with the kids and (oddly enough) working out seems to be the way to go. Whatever the reason, desiring to be more in shape is not always discontentment.

It's not the "what" we're doing. It's the "why." And its constantly examining our hearts and inviting the Lord into our thoughts as we go that will help us grow in godliness. We can grow nearer to Him, enjoy and treasure the Gospel more, and glorify Him in new ways in our lives by inviting Him in...even to the mundane. Into our work outs. :)

Anyways, I know enough ladies battle vanity that there might be at least one reader that this might hopefully encourage: you're not alone.

May our hearts be fully His as our gaze is on His glory and not our own.

Entrusting to the Lord.

Circumstantially...this is kind of a random post. But I just happened to notice this today:

As I've gotten older and learn more about life (often through my clients), and I hear about parenting and motherhood...marriage and friendship...grace. and trust-- I'm often left utterly amazed at what an amazing job my parents did...

...at entrusting us to the Lord.

Scripture is full of commands to trust God. To entrust our hearts to Him. To cast our cares on Him. To believe He's at work in others. To entrust others to Him.

I imagine this is most difficult with children.

In teaching me to make my own decisions at an early age...my parent's trust in me, and their support of my decisions (even when I knew they didn't agree-- because they told me :)...over the years this has fueled in me a love for counsel and a hunger for wisdom.

I don't feel a need to "prove myself" to my parents. I have their approval. I have their support. Instead, they have LET me learn to hear the voice of God for myself-- without just making decisions for me. They have let me see the faithfulness of God with my own eyes. They have allowed my faith to be challenged and tested by my circumstances and relationships...without trying to shield me from the consequences of my sin or the pain that life brings each of us in different forms.

Instead. They have made themselves a tangible refuge. A shelter I know I will hear truth from. A hug that I know is for me. A praying heart that longs mostly for me to love God more.

And I have watched them trust God. I love watching them trust God.

Their countless prayers for me to know God and love Him more in, through, and amidst life's challenges are invaluable and precious treasure to me.

I so long to emulate them in this way...

This is what I mean...

I just read a very sad blog post.

Immediately it reminded me of my "Praying in a Relationship" post.

If ever faced with similar circumstances, I hope to trust God like this woman of faith:

Click here

Babysitting for Eternity

I had a conversation today with a friend about the importance of babysitting. Releasing couples to go out, be alone, strengthen their marriages, and grow in communication. Giving them time to evaluate their lives (Eph. 5:15), their relationships, their parenting, etc.

We talked about how it's a joy and privilege to be able to, as a Single in the local church, directly build into the future church: the next generation. It is all of our responsibility to pass the Gospel onto them- whether they're our kids or not; to be an example and a light. The most direct way I can think of, is this. (Surely there are others.) But when we support marriages, we strengthen the core of the family. The parents can take a breath, gain composure, set their face to what's important: pursuing the Lord and keeping their spouse as their #1 ministry. When that is in line, parenting is far more effective. The Gospel is communicated and demonstrated more clearly. Discipline is more consistent and grace-filled. And hopefully, the result is softer hearts and better soil for the seeds to take root.

The beauty is that we are family: so we can make ourselves at home in other people's houses. Pick up toys, make meals, do dishes, bathe kids, fold laundry, unload the dishwasher, etc. Because we "live life together" its no big deal to lend a helping hand-- just as you would at home.

We talked about how much parents need date nights. How much their kids need them to have date nights. How helpful it is when we volunteer to babysit without being asked.

...and we also talked about the importance of "taking an interest" in your babysitter. It is very easy to accidentally put a single in the "babysitter" category...forgetting they have a soul, and needs, and desire relationships too. At times, there may only be a small difference in your ages...you just happen to be seasons apart. But even then: Married couples, please invite your single friends to events even if only married couples are going. Certainly there are times you're not able...but singles still want to hang out with you. Better to be a 3rd, 5th, 7th, or 9th wheel than not be invited to something just because the title "not married yet" is held. It's best to let the one being invited say, "No thanks" instead. (Well. In my opinion.)

And, I told my friend I'd blog about our conversation.

Here ya go, Meghann. Love you.

Praying in a Relationship

I began thinking the other day about how I haven't blogged in a while.

"I don't really know what to blog about..." was my first thought. Usually my blog posts have some direct correlation to my life, and while I certainly CAN talk about Josh forever, I'm pretty sure you don't want to read about it.

Then I began to think of all you teen ladies at Christchurch in Newport. About how I want to share in this season with you-- clue you in on things I'm learning or nuggets I've picked up along the way for when you're in perhaps a similar season: This blog post is for you.

Pretend we're sitting in Bob McCan's office with pizza and cans at a typical LIFE meeting. (oh how I miss those!) Pull out your sheet of paper; let's talk.

You know how we hear about how people in relationships are "praying for God's will" all the time. Well...what exactly is that? What does that mean? How do you do that in a relationship? How do you know if a guy is "the one" you're supposed to marry?

You ask yourself: Is his character good enough? Are you attracted to him enough? Will he be faithful to you? Will he be a good provider? Will he love you well? Will he be a good dad?

The "evaluation" questions are endless.

And they are good questions- certainly practicals to consider and get other's observations and counsel on, no doubt.

But I wonder if in only praying through the character of the MAN, we miss hearing from God.

I have attempted to make it common practice at times in my relationships to "set aside" the evaluation part of the relationship in prayer, and instead SEEK THE LORD about His will. Here's what I mean:

I'm a hairstylist. I've heard TONS of stories. Men who've been unfaithful in their marriages. Men who are strong godly leaders and then 10 years into their marriage decide they're not a Christian and leave. Men who die unexpectedly at a young age. I would be a fool to think that "those things couldn't happen to me" no matter how wonderful a man's character might be. I can't know what God has in store.

And...it's possible. My future husband could be unfaithful. We could get to our honeymoon, and he could tell me he's been lying to me about some huge secret that I never could've guessed that affects me dramatically. He could tragically die much sooner than old age. He could have a disease he doesn't know about that we accidentally give to all of our children...and then he could pass away...leaving me with very ill children to provide and care for. Maybe 20 years into our marriage he decides that there's a major part of the Gospel he doesn't see the same as he once did and I'm confused about how to follow him. Maybe just 2 years into it he tells me one night, "I'm not sure what I believe anymore..."

The thing I'm seeking to do in this season of prayer, is hear from the Lord...that EVEN IF one or all of those things took place...could I with confidence, look back and know that I heard from the Lord that I was to marry that man. That it pleased God for me to commit my life to be faithful and serve this soul. When the romantic feelings wax and wane later in life (I hear they do), will I, before the Lord, have peace that I didn't rush into a decision emotionally, but I sought His face...and His will even above my own. Is my love for this man based on GOD'S love for me and not his love for me-- do I believe God is calling me to love this man no matter what he does, who he becomes, what he believes in the future, or what trials we face?

If the answer is "no"...that shouldn't scare us. It's not necessarily a reflection of us...or our willingness to work hard at relationships. The Lord just might simply not be leading us to marry that man.

...because, here's the thing: there's only one man the Lord does lead us to marry. Just one.

This is about me and God. Me trusting my future with HIM. Is HE leading me to this man?

What happens in the future is out of my control. But I know and trust the One who is in control and who has marked all of my days. I just want to do my part to seek HIM in this decision and commitment.

These considerations have helped me pursue sober-mindedness...in what can be a very wonderfully "cloudy" time. I have found great comfort in the faithfulness of God, the power of His promises, the gift of infallible Scripture, and the joy of knowing that "A man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." (Proverbs 16:9)

I pray something in here is of some use to someone...somewhere...at some time.