For Moms

Having lived with a large handful of families, my heart is always eager to encourage, help, support moms.

I'm not a mom yet...so I'll let this amazing woman do all the talking. If you are a mom in need of encouragement...click

HERE.

How He lived.

I've been contemplating and considering the life of Christ a lot recently. In Radical, David Platt uses Christ's example and teaching to challenge a lot of my American mindset.

I've thought and prayed about various homeless ministries I could be apart of. I want to let the challenges in Radical change and alter my cultural mindset. I've been involved in conversations and debates about homosexuality and abortion...and what it means for the Church to love others and stand for truth like Christ has loved and been Truth Himself. Have we begun to compartmentalize sin? {I hate when others do that to me!} I am so aware of the great extent I think we've failed to be Jesus to the world.

And as a few new faces and I began talking about how to "stand up" for what is right, without preaching moralism or being a hypocrite, or interacting with others through a narrow view of "their sin" that bothers us {does OUR sin bother us?}...

I started thinking about Jesus. I wondered what He'd do. Would He be initiating committees and non-profits? How would He deal with homelessness? Would He protest with a sign at an abortion clinic? How would He care for a gay friend?

I pictured Christ speaking to crowds, and then ministering to the individuals He met along His journeys. The lame, the blind, the woman at the well. I was affected by how He loved those He was around...whoever He came in contact with. He didn't seek people out by categories.

In my head I concluded, "Ya, it's not like He came and tried to save the world." And then I laughed...because actually, He did.

But what I tend to think "saving the world" looks like, is changing the world as a whole. In large groups with conferences and megaphones and really good one-liners that are posted and re-posted on fb and cut to the heart so unbelievers see their need for a Saviour. In my mind, all of this is done quickly and effectively. But that is not what Jesus came to do.

He came to save us. And to individually and uniquely save us from our sin. That's the beautiful thing about testimony's: no two are ever alike.

As we discussed in Community Group Tuesday night- there is a temptation to think that we could be more successful in ministry if we had a title or status of some kind.

...but Jesus didn't. He was a carpenter's son. Who loved and served and taught and discipled those whom the Father gave Him.

So as I go about my week nannying, running business and having countless business meetings for insurance, marketing, hiring employees, etc., or as I grocery shop and do laundry at the laundromat, or take my class on Thursday nights, go to youth group, or ride the train...am I being sensitive to how God might use me to interact with people He puts in my path? I am convicted even as I write this.

Last week in class, David Powlison said, "Jesus was busy. But He was never rushed." We talked about how strong and prevalent distraction is in our culture today. I am constantly distracted. I am aware of a need to change. I need the Holy Spirit to work in and through me. To help me build relationships {real friendships} with unbelievers...for the purpose of sharing Hope and Life with them. Am I too busy with the "big vision" of getting groceries, or finishing laundry, or doing business...that I miss those "little visions" of how I can love, serve, and care for others in the mundane?

From what I can tell, all of Jesus' ministry was done in the mundane.

Lord, please. Help me better know who You are, that I might reflect You to those You put in my path. Help me fight distraction and be focused on You even in the mundane.

Challenged

It's been a challenging few weeks. Not circumstantially...but inwardly. In my heart, and my mind. Josh and I, along with some family members, have just finished the book Radical by David Platt.

It has been life-transforming. Perspective-altering. I recommend it to you. Highly.

The reader is challenged to take a look at the wealth in America. I have never in my life considered myself to be wealthy...until reading this book. Mere shelter, water, food, and transportation of any kind {including public} make me among a very small percent of the wealthiest in the WORLD.

Josh just finished reading Forgotten God by Francis Chan and I have benefited from his thoughts on it greatly. Can't wait to dig into it myself.

God is using these books {they are mere tools...He is the One working} to open my eyes and challenge my perspective.

I take pride in how little money we have spent on our furniture or decorations in our apartment. I make it a personal goal to spend as little as I can on food for us each month. Often, I make gifts instead of purchasing them. I love coupons, and getting deals. I take comfort in knowing we give money away regularly and work to live on as little as possible. We have what I would consider a small savings account for emergencies.

Emergency.

Funny word, huh? Francis Chan challenges the perspective of our "Emergency Funds"...to maybe fix a car. Or not need to be uncomfortable, but just keep right on living as if a great expense hadn't come up unexpectedly. {makes it kind of easy to not trust God if our hearts aren't engaged} Yet. Isn't starvation around the world an emergency? Or sex trafficking? Kind of puts my "emergency" in a different category...do I not think other's lives are as important as mine? Or...as my running-perfectly car? ::gulp::

Do I turn and look away from how a sacrifice of my earthly comforts, could make a difference in eternity? Do I ACTUALLY believe this life is temporary, and the next is forever? Ugh. It is so sad. So often, I do not live to believe this.

I have been challenged by the teaching of Christ. To give. My time. My gifts. My resources. He has given them all to me. To enjoy, yes. And to give away to bless others.

Not giving what is comfortable to give...or what's left over. David Platt talks about "What we can spare" and "What it will take." He has helped me re-define "necessity."

Just think how different the Gospel would look if God didn't ask the question, "What will it take" in regards to saving us. Praise Him for sending our Saviour!

"Well ya, but..." has been the beginning of many, many, many thoughts as I've listened, dialogued, read, and prayed. Yet, the probing of my heart has not stopped.

I am so grateful for a husband who so understands the message of Christ-- one that challenges our hearts. He has been an amazing godly encouragement and leads me so well. Encouraging me with things like, "Wealth is not wrong. Loving it is."

Right. It's not about how much I am giving or what homeless/poverty ministry {if any} I'm involved in. But where is my heart? What am I really passionate about? How MUCH do I want to help others? Am I willing to sacrifice? Do I even know what that means?

This blog post has no resolution to it...it is mere musings. Thoughts not fully processed. Join me in wrestling with what this looks like for you. It will be different for both of us.

But my prayer is that as a nation especially...with more wealth and resources than any other...that as a church, we would be affected by the needs around us...mostly the spiritual needs. And that we would be bothered enough to actually do something about them.

You surpass them all.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

I was going to make a list up to how old you are...but I thought...you might not appreciate that. So...its up to how old I am :)

Things I love about you:

1. How you consistently encourage me to trust the LORD.

  Whether it was waiting for a husband, needing guidance about moving overseas {or back}, dealing with relationships, confusion about circumstances...your counsel is the same: Trust. Trust the One who does know.

2. How you live your own counsel...you trust the LORD.

While the ways to list this are beyond number...the one that most has affected my life...is how you trust God with your children. {Any moms reading: this is the secret!!!} Whether it was in my High School rebelious years, or releasing us kids to move to various parts of the world with your prayers and support...or perhaps its even been most in my adult life that I've enjoyed this: You honestly and fully 100% completely believe and trust that I am seeking God...and HE WILL LEAD ME. There are no words to thank you for this. Your confidence in the Holy Spirit's work in my life, has granted me more freedom in grace than you could know. Your girls love it so much...we talk over the phone about how much of a blessing it is to us. Thank you, Mom.

3. How you always put your left hand on your hip when you cook.

 Turns out...its hereditary ;)

4. The way you toss popcorn in that big silver bowl.

  Hundreds and thousands of times. To bless people, to thank them, to say, "thinking of you and love you"...or just to fill a box you're popping in the post. Better to have edible popcorn than the styrofoam kind, right? ;)

5. How you submit to your husband.

  I was over 18 years old before I learned you and daddy didn't always fully agree on rules for us!

This same submission {and trust in God} has moved you from the place you called home for over 20 years...the wood floors that your children learned to walk on...the poles we slild down in the basement...the sidewalks we rode our bikes on and then wrote Nan, Pops, and Nicole "welcome" signs with chalk...you left it to follow what God was leading you and daddy to. A place where you knew no one. Just to do the same thing a few years later, and move again. You have done this with joy, and trust in both daddy, and the LORD.

6. Your warmth.

  Everyone feels like your kid because of how much you love.

7. That you're more expressive and enthusiastic than me.

8. That you're older than your husband and met him at a wedding.

  Turns out...that's hereditary too.

9. How hilarious you are!

  No text is received without a laugh! {sometimes...I forward the really funny ones to my friends.}

10. How welcoming you are.

  Everyone is invited. All the time. Even if we just met them over a weekend and we don't really know them...they can come on our family vacation. {my favourite part about this example...is that its not an exaggeration.}

11. How you try to come up with reasons to give us money.

  "um...this is for doing my hair. And to get something to eat before you get on the plane." When you've really given me 1500x the amount that would cost. "This is for letting us come see you..." ...right. and ALLLL the expenses that entails. "This is for gas." "But mom, someone else drove me." "Well, this is for the gas you would've spent."

12. How you tell me I'm so creative whenever I make a craft of any kind.

  ...when in reality...you make more crafts than anyone on the planet.

13. How you always say that Pops would be proud of me and my business.

14. That all you wanted when we were little was for us "to get along" with eachother.

  ...and how 20 years later...its one of the things that blesses you the most: your kids' relationships with each other.

15. The Crazy 8's are still in your life...how many years later? {shhh. no one will tell.}

  High School friends and relationships that have lasted DECADES.

16. The way you're "From New Jersey" when you mean business.

  and that you came up with that expression and all your kids know what it means ;)

17. How hard you fight for peace in relationships.

18. The way you say, "Oh honey!"

19. How absolutely amazing you are with any child anywhere.

20. The ways you rejoiced with me and encouraged me that Josh was "the one" and so very evidently who God was leading me to.

  "How was picking up the Best Man? Was he cute?! I PRAYED he was cute!"

21. How you "could talk to me all day" every time we talk.

22. That cheese and crackers is always the first snack offered.

  Of course with a glass of wine.

23. The way you tell stories.

  They are the BEST.

24. How you used to make us watch random Oprah shows so we'd remember not to talk to strangers.

  It worked! :)

25. How sympathetic you are.

  You always tell me I must be so tired and I'm working so hard. I need a nap and to have some fun.

26. That you're MY mom.

  And you always will be.

I love you so much! Happy Birthday!

{Dear everyone: please feel free to comment about the reasons YOU love my mom}

The Voices of Others

Satan loves it. He encourages lies. He wants us to feel our filth without finding cleansing. He doesn't want us to silence the voices of others in our heads...

I imagine everyone battles this to some degree. I would imagine girls struggle more...probably because we DO it more.

Its the sneaky, un-stated, un-communicated expectations that we put on others...and that they put on us. That when un-met, breed tension, difficulty, strife, and confusion.

Chances are, we've all been on both the giving and receiving ends of this disgusting expectation. We've helped rob joy from others because of our selfishness. We've communicated legalistically with others, while giving ourselves heapings of grace. We've voluntarily withheld love. We've closed our mouths in self-righteousness thinking we were "being the bigger person" when we should've opened it to communicate our struggle. We've stopped pursuing because other's aren't responding-- and we try to come up with a reason in our minds as to "why" they're not doing what we want. We've ignored conflict. Or on the other end, we've instigated conflict by judging those who've not met our own expectations- calling it sin while not knowing their heart.

...and the sad part is...I'm sure we're more aware of when its done TO us, than when we are the culprits.

I find it incredibly hard to feel "forgiven" for these un-stated offenses. It's as though I think, because they are "hidden" (have not been communicated to me)...God must not be aware of them either...so He can't forgive them...but they still exist. I am still condemned for them.

Not matter how hard anyone tries to convince me that it's not my responsibility to "figure out" what I've done wrong, or to trust that God will bring something out if and when He chooses...I am fighting so.stinkin.hard to let it go. I want to KNOW what I must've done wrong for someone to've "said this" or "done that". It is hard to pretend "I don't know" that they talk to others about whatever it is I've not measured up to. And I desperately want to know. I want to change. I want to hear those conversations and ask questions...

Years ago, this looked like reputation-preservation in myself. By the grace of God, I don't believe that's as strong as it once was. Yet, in recent months, He is tugging at sinful roots that go far deeper.

I am not trusting. I feel I cannot trust. Without hearing the other's "side" or perspective...surely I am guilty of whatever it is they have against me. I don't trust God. I don't trust the consistent observation of those closest to me and most involved in my life. I think to myself, "We all must be deceived. Whatever my 'condemner' says must be the real truth."

And as I drove down the road yesterday, contemplating these things...the Holy Spirit brought His Word to me,

"So far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." Romans 12:18

...I just looked it up to find the reference and found another absolute beauty: it begins, "If possible..."

If possible. As far as it is my responsibility.

That is it. I must find peace. Peace in knowing that GOD...the Almighty Creator of the Universe...against whom I have sinned so horrifically, no human's offense- real or perceived, could compare...HE has forgiven me. HE has seen me, HE has spoken to me in many moments of me asking what I can do to fulfill "as far as it depends on me." All I can do is my responsibility. Then, I must trust Him. He is working where I cannot see. And He is obviously using this in my own heart and life as well...to draw Him to Himself. To show the cross bigger...to see grace abound even more.

...I must give it up. I cannot, and will not please/serve others well. Especially by their own definition. I cannot guarantee them that they will not be hurt by my actions...when there is real sin, or perceived. I am not in control of my relationships: I am responsible for my own actions. I must learn this distinction.

...and I must let His voice...be the voice most heard:

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..." Romans 8

So what about you? What voices are playing in your head? What lies do you hear? When you feel you don't measure up, are you quick to boast in the cross...or do you want to know and understand and make it right?

May the LORD sweetly and gently teach our hearts...that His is the Only Voice that matters.

Style Me Pretty Blog

Our wonderful wedding photographer, Cheryl {cheryldawnphotography.blogspot.com} submitted our wedding to Style Me Pretty...and they posted it on their blog!

Check it out HERE!

Very weak in joy.

I imagine very few people will be able to relate to this posting. It is obscure, and I would guess...unusual.

Here I am, in my home-- making a salad with local produce from next door. I'm beyond-happily married to the most amazing man ever. And I cannot believe a man such as THAT loves ME. I am about to sit down and open my Bible and enjoy Truth. Today has consisted of so many fun things- creating a care package for a friend going out of the country on a missions trip, baking, cleaning, riding my bike through our adorable town to run an errand at CVS {the weather is beautiful} and I am just soaking in all of the temporary, yet so hoped-for and waited-for blessings this current season holds.

And I notice yet again, this bizarre mis-conception of God that I've seen at other times in recent years and in re-occurring conversations...

It's as though, I'm "afraid" or hesitant to go to God in abundant joy continuing to thank Him for all of these beautiful things that remind me of His love.

You see, with back-to-back traumatic, heart wrenching, rug pulled out from under me trials and heart aches in circumstances and relationships for a consecutive 5 years...I learned of God's love as I could tangibly feel my weakness. He ministered to me so sweetly in the midst of darkness. As I quoted His promises and swallowed tears. As I journaled about "hope" and "the future" and "redemption." In countless times of loneliness and misunderstanding, I knew He was with me and He understood. Glorious. Beautiful. Wouldn't trade those things I've learned for anything.

And yet, that is the opposite kind of season I find myself in now. My distorted perspective that's been revealed in the past couple of years, is that God prefers when I go through trials and tangibly experience my need for Him. He would rather me be alone and in pain because that's when I'm most rigorously being conformed to the image of Christ. I functionally believe the lie that God is more pleased with me when I'm struggling...because I know His nearness in a different way than in times of rejoicing.

And yet...this season of rejoicing has been long-lasting. The longest-lasting I can remember. The longest "stretch" of happiness and ease in my life. {And without question, the happiest time in my life.} And I am still sorting out how to best glorify God from my heart in this season. I at times find myself reluctant to thank Him for all the little blessings, because {oh this is so ridiculous!} I think if He realized how many gifts He was giving me all at one time, He might take some of them away to better "balance" this season out. Horrifying. That is so not His character. As if He "keeps track" to not "overdue it." What does this reveal about my lack of understanding of the Gospel?!

He loves to bless me. It is easy for me to remember that in times of trial. I look ahead to the "blessings" that whatever "growth" I'm experiencing will lead to. But it is so hard for me to TRULY believe He loves to bless me...when I'm receiving the blessing. Which is so ironic...because I could counsel someone else all day long on how much God loves to bless them. I must subconsciously think I don't fall under the same category.

I have been so perplexed about how to overcome this perspective and how to replace it with truth. Not just in my mind...but in my heart. I want to LIVE like I believe this.

It turns out...I am weak in seasons of joy. I am reluctant and hesitant. Oh, how I want that to change. I want to be strong in joy. Unashamed of the blessings God is giving me!