Lookin' good

It's amazing to me how un-creative the enemy is, how sneaky my sin is, and how surprised I am when new temptations arise.

If I begin something new, in a matter of weeks the Holy Spirit will be revealing to me how I've begun emphasizing the wrong thing in my initial "want to do good" endeavor. Welcome to Romans 7.

This time, it's vanity.

About a month ago I began working out consistently and just keeping an eye on what I'm eating and at what time. Though I've always technically weighed more than most of my friends because I'm tall and have left over muscle from years of childhood gymnastics, I wasn't looking for results on the scale. The goal was to have more energy during the day and feel better: just tone up a bit. No big deal.

Things were going great; I was seeing the results I was looking for and even sleeping better at night and waking up so refreshed in the morning. There have been far more bonuses than I'd even realized!

Then. Today happened. For some reason, I just felt like I went 4 weeks backwards...felt no different than when I started. Technically gained weight (I think- I hope! due to muscle) and became discouraged. Fed up, actually. To the point of anger: "This is stupid. I don't care anyways. Nevermind."

Thankfully, the Lord does not leave me in my sin. He began prompting and probing my heart. I then started having thoughts like this:

"So, when I was getting what I wanted...the results I wanted...this was all fine and dandy and wonderful. But when I stopped getting what I wanted...this ceased to ever be about wanting to honour the Lord with good stewardship of my body...and became about ME. How I look. How I feel. How I feel about how I look..."

...and I was convicted of my vanity. I became central. I'd made this an idol.

I think being in the hair and make-up industry, the pull towards vanity can be even stronger. My profession is beauty. Making things more beautiful to the eye. Being critical to then "fix" something. I've been praying that I would believe Scripture, "Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." I've been asking God to grow my fear of Him...and to make me more concerned about my fear of Him than what I look/feel like. I want to prioritize my soul over my body.

And as I've been confessing this today and getting my (wonderful) boyfriend to pray with me and for me, the depth of it has really begun to increase in my eyes. I've noticed that subtly and in fleeting thoughts, I've made someone else's body an idol. "I want to look like THAT."

Now. Is there anything inherently wrong with that thought? I don't think necessarily. Having goals can be wonderful and motivate us-- and being healthy and in shape can be a great thing! But I've been asking myself...what emphasis am I putting on it? Is it in it's right place? Am I COVETING something I don't have? Or am I seeking to honour the Lord with my body; as a temple of His Holy Spirit and trusting that He's being honoured in my journey as I seek to accomplish my goal?

There are many "good" reasons to lose weight and get in shape. A teenager could exercise faithfully to make the team-- seeking to glorify God with her athleticism. A wife could want to tone up to bless her husband. Or a mom might be fighting for energy to play with the kids and (oddly enough) working out seems to be the way to go. Whatever the reason, desiring to be more in shape is not always discontentment.

It's not the "what" we're doing. It's the "why." And its constantly examining our hearts and inviting the Lord into our thoughts as we go that will help us grow in godliness. We can grow nearer to Him, enjoy and treasure the Gospel more, and glorify Him in new ways in our lives by inviting Him in...even to the mundane. Into our work outs. :)

Anyways, I know enough ladies battle vanity that there might be at least one reader that this might hopefully encourage: you're not alone.

May our hearts be fully His as our gaze is on His glory and not our own.

Entrusting to the Lord.

Circumstantially...this is kind of a random post. But I just happened to notice this today:

As I've gotten older and learn more about life (often through my clients), and I hear about parenting and motherhood...marriage and friendship...grace. and trust-- I'm often left utterly amazed at what an amazing job my parents did...

...at entrusting us to the Lord.

Scripture is full of commands to trust God. To entrust our hearts to Him. To cast our cares on Him. To believe He's at work in others. To entrust others to Him.

I imagine this is most difficult with children.

In teaching me to make my own decisions at an early age...my parent's trust in me, and their support of my decisions (even when I knew they didn't agree-- because they told me :)...over the years this has fueled in me a love for counsel and a hunger for wisdom.

I don't feel a need to "prove myself" to my parents. I have their approval. I have their support. Instead, they have LET me learn to hear the voice of God for myself-- without just making decisions for me. They have let me see the faithfulness of God with my own eyes. They have allowed my faith to be challenged and tested by my circumstances and relationships...without trying to shield me from the consequences of my sin or the pain that life brings each of us in different forms.

Instead. They have made themselves a tangible refuge. A shelter I know I will hear truth from. A hug that I know is for me. A praying heart that longs mostly for me to love God more.

And I have watched them trust God. I love watching them trust God.

Their countless prayers for me to know God and love Him more in, through, and amidst life's challenges are invaluable and precious treasure to me.

I so long to emulate them in this way...

This is what I mean...

I just read a very sad blog post.

Immediately it reminded me of my "Praying in a Relationship" post.

If ever faced with similar circumstances, I hope to trust God like this woman of faith:

Click here

Babysitting for Eternity

I had a conversation today with a friend about the importance of babysitting. Releasing couples to go out, be alone, strengthen their marriages, and grow in communication. Giving them time to evaluate their lives (Eph. 5:15), their relationships, their parenting, etc.

We talked about how it's a joy and privilege to be able to, as a Single in the local church, directly build into the future church: the next generation. It is all of our responsibility to pass the Gospel onto them- whether they're our kids or not; to be an example and a light. The most direct way I can think of, is this. (Surely there are others.) But when we support marriages, we strengthen the core of the family. The parents can take a breath, gain composure, set their face to what's important: pursuing the Lord and keeping their spouse as their #1 ministry. When that is in line, parenting is far more effective. The Gospel is communicated and demonstrated more clearly. Discipline is more consistent and grace-filled. And hopefully, the result is softer hearts and better soil for the seeds to take root.

The beauty is that we are family: so we can make ourselves at home in other people's houses. Pick up toys, make meals, do dishes, bathe kids, fold laundry, unload the dishwasher, etc. Because we "live life together" its no big deal to lend a helping hand-- just as you would at home.

We talked about how much parents need date nights. How much their kids need them to have date nights. How helpful it is when we volunteer to babysit without being asked.

...and we also talked about the importance of "taking an interest" in your babysitter. It is very easy to accidentally put a single in the "babysitter" category...forgetting they have a soul, and needs, and desire relationships too. At times, there may only be a small difference in your ages...you just happen to be seasons apart. But even then: Married couples, please invite your single friends to events even if only married couples are going. Certainly there are times you're not able...but singles still want to hang out with you. Better to be a 3rd, 5th, 7th, or 9th wheel than not be invited to something just because the title "not married yet" is held. It's best to let the one being invited say, "No thanks" instead. (Well. In my opinion.)

And, I told my friend I'd blog about our conversation.

Here ya go, Meghann. Love you.

Praying in a Relationship

I began thinking the other day about how I haven't blogged in a while.

"I don't really know what to blog about..." was my first thought. Usually my blog posts have some direct correlation to my life, and while I certainly CAN talk about Josh forever, I'm pretty sure you don't want to read about it.

Then I began to think of all you teen ladies at Christchurch in Newport. About how I want to share in this season with you-- clue you in on things I'm learning or nuggets I've picked up along the way for when you're in perhaps a similar season: This blog post is for you.

Pretend we're sitting in Bob McCan's office with pizza and cans at a typical LIFE meeting. (oh how I miss those!) Pull out your sheet of paper; let's talk.

You know how we hear about how people in relationships are "praying for God's will" all the time. Well...what exactly is that? What does that mean? How do you do that in a relationship? How do you know if a guy is "the one" you're supposed to marry?

You ask yourself: Is his character good enough? Are you attracted to him enough? Will he be faithful to you? Will he be a good provider? Will he love you well? Will he be a good dad?

The "evaluation" questions are endless.

And they are good questions- certainly practicals to consider and get other's observations and counsel on, no doubt.

But I wonder if in only praying through the character of the MAN, we miss hearing from God.

I have attempted to make it common practice at times in my relationships to "set aside" the evaluation part of the relationship in prayer, and instead SEEK THE LORD about His will. Here's what I mean:

I'm a hairstylist. I've heard TONS of stories. Men who've been unfaithful in their marriages. Men who are strong godly leaders and then 10 years into their marriage decide they're not a Christian and leave. Men who die unexpectedly at a young age. I would be a fool to think that "those things couldn't happen to me" no matter how wonderful a man's character might be. I can't know what God has in store.

And...it's possible. My future husband could be unfaithful. We could get to our honeymoon, and he could tell me he's been lying to me about some huge secret that I never could've guessed that affects me dramatically. He could tragically die much sooner than old age. He could have a disease he doesn't know about that we accidentally give to all of our children...and then he could pass away...leaving me with very ill children to provide and care for. Maybe 20 years into our marriage he decides that there's a major part of the Gospel he doesn't see the same as he once did and I'm confused about how to follow him. Maybe just 2 years into it he tells me one night, "I'm not sure what I believe anymore..."

The thing I'm seeking to do in this season of prayer, is hear from the Lord...that EVEN IF one or all of those things took place...could I with confidence, look back and know that I heard from the Lord that I was to marry that man. That it pleased God for me to commit my life to be faithful and serve this soul. When the romantic feelings wax and wane later in life (I hear they do), will I, before the Lord, have peace that I didn't rush into a decision emotionally, but I sought His face...and His will even above my own. Is my love for this man based on GOD'S love for me and not his love for me-- do I believe God is calling me to love this man no matter what he does, who he becomes, what he believes in the future, or what trials we face?

If the answer is "no"...that shouldn't scare us. It's not necessarily a reflection of us...or our willingness to work hard at relationships. The Lord just might simply not be leading us to marry that man.

...because, here's the thing: there's only one man the Lord does lead us to marry. Just one.

This is about me and God. Me trusting my future with HIM. Is HE leading me to this man?

What happens in the future is out of my control. But I know and trust the One who is in control and who has marked all of my days. I just want to do my part to seek HIM in this decision and commitment.

These considerations have helped me pursue sober-mindedness...in what can be a very wonderfully "cloudy" time. I have found great comfort in the faithfulness of God, the power of His promises, the gift of infallible Scripture, and the joy of knowing that "A man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." (Proverbs 16:9)

I pray something in here is of some use to someone...somewhere...at some time.

Filadelphia to Phlorida.

Well. It was all in the works on my last post, but now it's official.

Josh will be a resident of Florida on Wednesday of this week!

Since he just graduated when we started dating- he was job searching in PA while maintaining his part-time job he'd had in school. After a little over a month of dating, he asked me about beginning to include Orlando as another location to search for jobs.

Then. A BUNCH of crazy and random (things are never random) situations and circumstances happened in just the way that increased his need for a job here immediately, OR that would commit him to PA through the summer. Out of no where, God miraculously provided him a job and a moving-time that...literally, couldn't be more perfect. (If I were to write details, this post would literally be categorized into "chapters" and would be pages and pages long.)

God made the situation look impossible. I knew it was because He wanted to build my confidence that 1. either HE was going to do something when I could do nothing else, and I would see it is HIS will, or 2. He was going to show us, "This is not my will- this is not my timing." Both would've been an answer to prayer...as we were praying God would reveal His will.

Time with the Lord has been so sweet. He is faithful to grow our love and affection for Him when He reveals our need to be fully dependent on Him for prayer, direction, and wisdom. The Gospel is beautiful.

Josh and I are going from 1,006 miles apart to 4.7 :)

GOODBYE LONG-DISTANCE!!!

It's about time you hear the story...

I have a "random friend." (A few actually.) The one I'm referring to is named Danielle. I call her one of my "soul" friends. She's actually how I found out about the GAP Team and the opportunity to live in Wales.

We met at a conference 5 years ago and swapped email addresses. Many emails, prayer phone calls, and a few visits later, she invited me to her very small destination wedding in Highlands, NC the Monday before this last Christmas.

Through a series of dumbfounding providential events, I was able to go...when, by the looks of all circumstances...shouldn't have been the case.

I went to the wedding several days early to spend time with her and help with the "getting ready." When I asked how I could help, she informed me that the best man needed to be picked up from the airport. The groom's brother was supposed to be his ride, but had his appendix removed the week before and wasn't allowed to drive.

The nearest airport was a 3 hour drive away.

I called the best man on my way so he'd have my number in case his flight got delayed or something. He'd graduated earlier that DAY with a double bachelors in Biblical Studies and Business Administration from PBU. (Philadelphia Biblical University)

"Welcome to the wedding weekend!" was my pre-meditated greeting at baggage claim with no hand shake and no hug- also pre-meditated. I hate awkwardness. I wanted to be prepared.

Well, given his studies and my love for doctrine, and business experience...added to our shared love for other countries/cultures and travel overseas...conversation was easy. Very easy. The 3 hours flew. I'm a hairstylist-- I talk to strangers for a living. And he was a really seriously cute stranger. :) My mom told me the next day, "How was picking up the best man from the airport? Is he cute? I prayed he was cute..." Only my mother.

There was much hype over the weekend (ignored by both of us) with everyone and their mother trying to set us up; some were subtle, others blatantly obvious. We pretended it didn't exist. We were even independently reminding the bride and groom that it was THEIR weekend!

The cake pull and guarder toss were even rigged so we'd have a picture together.

World, meet Joshua Morrison.

I hoped he'd call.

He didn't.

For weeks.

But.

Then.

He did. :)

I wish you could've heard my scream and witnessed my jumping up and down. "EM! EM! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Guess who's calling?!" I couldn't answer the phone-- I was too excited. Emily was in the hallway hitting me telling me to get it-- I ran into the living room, cleared my throat and calmly and softly answered, "Hello?"

...and I'd missed his call.

Rang back right away and we set up a time to talk later because I was headed out the door...and he was asking if I had time to "talk."

Loved that. Loved his intentionality when we did talk later that night. His clear communication- his boldness, his intent.

He asked if he could start calling me regularly and we agreed to start getting to know each other over the phone.

...and then I drilled him with questions about his doctrine. And was surprisingly...very impressed. Both with his submission to Scripture and humility in how he communicates his perspective. His humility was (and is :) a noted strength. His love for Scripture obvious. And His affection for God contagious.

A week and a half of that turned into dating.

Which turned into him vising Orlando over my Birthday weekend. And me heading to Philly for a long weekend. And then me heading back to Philly again a few weeks later (my last wedding-free weekend until June!) for a road trip together to VA and then NC so he could meet my siblings, and I could meet the rest of his. (He has nine. Yes. NINE.) And I returned to Orlando this Monday.

---------------------------------------------

That is a very self-controlled, detail-free (can you believe it?) version of my side of the story.

Long distance is not-so-much-fun but skype has been a great help. Things are going well! I'm pretty crazy about him.

Here are a few more pics for your enjoyment :)

Oh. And this is my excuse for not blogging in so long.