If God loved me, He would...

...how would you finish the sentence?

Give me a job. car. more money to pay the bills. Heal my family member. Reconcile my family. Bring peace to my marriage. Get me a spouse. Give me a child. Save my son/daughter. He would've given me a different past. or upbringing. He wouldn't've let ______ happen. What would you say?

The truth is. God does love you. And though He will continue to demonstrate His love, it HAS been demonstrated. And to its fullest degree...already.

The question is wrong.

God does love you. And He has given you His Son as a propitiation for your sins. He has adopted you and given you a beautiful inheritance...when you deserved separation from Him...and His wrath.

This week, as I've meditated on and studied Psalm 16, I have found my joy and freedom increasing. And. I've watched as God answers my prayer to grow my trust in Him more. As I talked with a friend tonight I felt like I was having an out of body experience. I listened to what I was saying and thought, "Wait. Where is this coming from? How come I'm having faith in what God will do? Why is it so easy to trust Him in this?" I deduced that friends must be praying for me...and I'm sure they are.

I then realized, "Oh! I've been studying this. WOW! It must be taking root in my heart- thank you, GOD!" Worship was the result of seeing God's faithfulness again: His Word does not return void.

This week, as I meditated on, "You hold my lot" and "I have no good apart from you"...many MANY helpful nuggets were concluded as "results" of these glorious truths. God's character is revealed here...let's not miss it.

HE holds my lot. I don't hold it. I don't even know it! I don't know what's ahead. I don't know what He's doing. But. I have a beautiful inheritance. No matter what I do...I cannot change God's plan for my life. AND...my eternity is secure. I can't manipulate Him. I can't "try harder" to fulfill my own desires in this life. Nope. It's in His hands. He's holding it. And He knows me. And my desires. And He's worthy of trust. ::Rejoice::

"I have no good apart from you." Oh my. This has been the sentence most demanding pause this week.

No good apart from you. Not, "...ya, this is probably what's best." or, "You give what's #1." No, not even that! NO GOOD APART. I don't just have "less good" apart from God. And blessings aren't just "better" because of Him. No. NO GOOD APART from Him.

IN Him contains all my good.

And then. It hit me.

That which He withholds, is equally as intentional and a demonstration of His love as that which He gives.

"Wow," I wondered. "Is that true? Is that Biblically sound?" He WITHHOLDS intentionally. On purpose. And He withholds as a demonstration of His love. It would be UNLOVING for Him to give me that which is not good for me. Amazing. And...so helpful! This allows me such freedom to enjoy that which I DO have...and equally, to enjoy that which I do NOT have...and submit to His wisdom, love, care, and truth...because I have no good apart from Him.

So. What's your lot today? Do you see His love for you? In what you have...and in what you don't have. That which you do not have...that you desire...do you see that it's because He loves you that it is not yours? If something is good for you...I mean, really good...like, for your soul...then, it is yours. He does not restrain His mercy from us. He loves to bless us. He delights to answer our requests.

Just as a father who bought a car for his son, would not give it to him when he was 8 years old...he has no use for it! It would be dangerous for him. The timing is not right. But at 16, oh, what a gift that would be! So much more appreciated and appropriate.

Sometimes, (who am I kidding?) MOST of the time, we don't understand "why not." Why is something not good now?

But that's where faith and trust come in. The very means that God chose to save us. We must exercise those muscles. Work them and let them grow.

Whatever our lot, would we take refuge in the Truth that we have no good apart from Him. He has planned good and not harm for us. He sees and we cannot. He knows and we do not. Why fight it? Why struggle with it? Submit to His will, and joy will be ours.

May you know this freedom and peace today...

Faithful God

Here is my favourite excerpt from probably my third favourite book ever. (That's a really big deal.) It's by Spurgeon and titled, "All of Grace." A friend from Wales, Emily, got it for me last Christmas.

"God is faithful, by whom ye were called unto the fellowship of His Son Jesus Christ."

1 Corinthians 1:9 (emphasis mine)

"The apostle does not say, "You are faithful." The faithfulness of man is very unreliable; it is mere vanity. He does not say, "You have faithful ministers to lead and guide you, and therefore I trust you will be safe." Oh, no! If we are kept by men we shall be badly kept. He says, "God is faithful." If we are found faithful, it will be because God is faithful. On the faithfulness of our covenant God the whole burden of our salvation must rest. On this glorious attribute of God the matter hinges. We are variable as the wind, frail as a spider's web, weak as water. No dependence can be placed upon our natural qualities or our spiritual attainments, but God abideth faithful."

Ok, if that's not good enough. Listen to how he gets specific.

"He is faithful in His love; He know no variableness, neither shadow of turning. He is faithful to His purpose; He does not begin a work and then leave it undone. He is faithful to His relationships. As a Father He will not renounce His children, as a Friend He will not deny His people, as a Creator He will not forsake the work of His own hands. He is faithful to His promises and will never allow one of them to fail for a single believer. He is faithful to His covenant which He has made with us in Christ Jesus and ratified with the blood of His sacrifice. He is faithful to His Son and will not allow His precious blood to be spilled in vain. He is faithful to His people whom He has promised eternal life and from whom He will not turn away." (emphasis mine)

Hallelujah. ::Rejoice::

Spurgeon later notes,

"The saints shall persevere in holiness because God perseveres in grace.

He perseveres to bless, and therefore believers persevere in being blessed."

Enjoy.

Personal Retreat October

I've been trying to go on a personal retreat about every 3 months. This weekend I stayed with some friends in an entirely cute apartment at the beach. It was glorious. What an absolutely precious time with the LORD-- meditating on Scripture, bathing in truth, having my favourite lyrics minister to me again and again on repeat...so wonderful. And in addition to that, catching a few rays wasn't so bad either.

This (below) poem was such an encouragement to me this weekend. I've read it numerous times. A dear friend sent it to me in an email yesterday and I can't stop thinking about it.

When other people blog quotes or songs or poems, I normally don't read them...so I don't expect you to either. But, in case your heart is hungry...

...feast here:

i know not what awaits me,
God kindly veils my eyes,
and o’er each step of my onward way
He makes new scenes to rise;
and every joy He sends me comes
a sweet and glad surprise.

where He may lead i’ll follow,
my trust in Him repose;
and every hour in perfect peace,
i’ll sing, “He knows, He knows”;
and every hour in perfect peace,
i’ll sing, “He knows, He knows.”

one step i see before me,
’tis all i need to see,
the light of heaven more brightly shines
when earth’s illusions flee;
and sweetly through the silence comes,
His loving, “Trust in Me!”

oh, blissful lack of wisdom,
’tis blessed not to know;
He holds me with His own right hand,
and will not let me go,
and lulls my troubled soul to rest
in Him who loves me so.

so on i go not knowing;
i would not if i might;
i’d rather walk in the dark with God
then go alone in the light;
i’d rather walk by faith with Him
than go alone by sight.

_mary brainard

"Now on whom dost thou trust?"

My sweet dad emailed me this morning. A quote from Spurgeon on trust. I decided to disect it for my time with the Lord this morning.

Spurgeon beckons the Christian...- who do you trust? You trust a triune God.

The FATHER.

who chose me from before the foundations of the world.

who provides for me in His providence.

who teaches.

guides.

corrects.

will bring me Home.

The SON.

very God of very God.

Christ Jesus.

who takes away all my sins.

who is my sacrifice.

adorns me with His perfect righteousness.

my Intercessor. Pleading my cause. And my desires.

my Advocate on the Great Last Day.

justifies me.

"I trust Him for what He is, for what He has done, and for what He has promised yet to do."

The HOLY SPIRIT.

saves me from my sins.

drives out my sins.

subdues my will.

enlightens my understanding.

comforts me.

helps my weakness.

illuminates darkness.

"I trust in Him to dwell in me as my life, to reign in me as my King, to sanctify me wholly, spirit, soul, and body, and then to take me up to dwell with the saints in light forever."

TRUST HIM WHOSE:

power will never be exhausted.

love will never wane.

kindness will never change.

faithfulness will never fail.

wisdom will never be nonplussed.

perfect goodness can never diminish.

[The foundation of this trust shall never be removed.]

................................................................................................

We trust God...because of who He is. We see who He is by what He's said and what He's done. We also see what He's doing. And what He will do-- because He cannot be unfaithful to His promises. And here...we find hope. And hope is one of the things that separates us from the world. Unbelievers cannot hope. Only we can. Because we don't believe circumstances dictate our steps...but that a Holy, Sovereign, Loving, Wise God does. And we trust Him. The One who calms the storms with a word.

Rich Joy.

To say this season of life is rich with joy feels like a tremendous understatement.

God is more beautiful to me, His promises more comforting, and His character a greater source of hope and joy than I've ever known before...and it continues to increase.

God does not change. He has not. He will not. He is not spiteful. Or ever trying to "catch me" or "trick me" or manipulate me. He hears my prayers. He sees my heart. He knows my desires. He has promised me His faithfulness. And His leading.

The Gospel is the source of all joy. If I'm in a relationship, or single. If I have money in the bank, or not. If I get married and my future husband ends up being faithful to me. or not. If my marriage is enjoyable. or a constant challenge. If I have kids. or not. If they are physically, mentally, spiritually well....or not. GOD is the same. My salvation is secure. The King rules and reigns! And I will be communing with Him and enjoying His character and delighting in His nature as long as I live. Whatever that life looks like.

While the relationship I'm in right now often (and regularly) serves as a catapult to push me into the arms of God- wrapped in His promises and enjoying His character...my relationship with a boy could never replace my relationship with God. (Though, it can and is an agent that I am so grateful for...and I attribute much of this perspective and the resulted joy to great leadership.) It's funny how though I've heard this a thousand times from people, experiencing it has surprised me.

My life is about worshiping, adoring, and extolling Jesus Christ. THAT...will never change. The fundamental things about my life will remain the same as circumstances surely will be a constant change.

WHAT HOPE IS IN THIS TRUTH!!!

After writing about these things in my journal, I came across Psalm 91- to which I so identified with the Psalmist.
Starting in vs. 14: "Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name. When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honour him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation."

AH! Isn't it so good?! The promises of God that wrap around us and hold us so tightly. His character revealed in each one. Such hope! Such joy!

The promised "what" with no "how"...

A recent Bible reading plan brought me to Genesis 12. Here, the Lord has met me, encouraged me, and greatly challenged me. Allow me to share with you my notes.

"Go...I will show you." (This is what God tells Abram to do: Leave his country. And trust God. With no specifics or directions.)

God doesn't paint pictures to explain what our futures will look like. He will show us along the way. This keeps us near to Him and depending on Him and communing with Him.

God promises the "what" to Abram. ("I will make you a great nation and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing.") But He doesn't tell him "how."

So He does with us.

"I will never leave you. I will provide for your every need. Good and not harm is your future. I will be faithful when you are faithless. I will act in your life. I will carry you. I will comfort you."

...but we don't know how. What will it look like?

But we read, "So Abram went."

THIS was the man of whom it was said his faith is counted to him as righteousness. THIS is the man who's faith is in the character of God. He did not ask, "how?"...but trusted the "what."

When Abram got to Shechem and the Lord made a promise, "To your offspring I will give this land"....Abram built an altar. I am amazed that in the midst of all of this, Abram wasn't looking for God. He wasn't wandering past Canaan trying to "figure out" what God was going to do, or asking hundreds of questions. He wasn't searching for a specific place to dedicate to his descendants. But God lead him (without him knowing, really) to the exact place God planned to promise to his descendants. Psalm 62 says, "For God alone, my soul waits in silence." When I REALLY trust...my heart is silent. I have no questions, concerns, suggestions or recommendations for God. I trust Him.

And an ESV study note reads: "To obey, Abram must trust God implicitly; all human support is largely removed."

Just a few chapters later, Abraham's faith causes him to "rise early" after being told "Take your son, your only son whom you love...offer him...as an offering..."

After passing this test, an angel of the LORD said, "now I know that you fear God."

Oh! May this be true in our own hearts! LORD, grow my fear of you. And in light of that, may my fear of man dissipate...teach me to trust what you say without wondering how exactly you'll be faithful...

Guarding vs. Protecting

So. There's a difference.

Between trying to protect ourselves and guarding our hearts.

When I guard my heart, I guard against sin.

When I protect myself, I protect from pain.

I try to control. I don't trust God. I don't trust that even if He chooses to bring pain, He will comfort me in it and carry me.

When we put our TRUST IN God, and commit our way to Him...He acts. He is our Protector and our Shield. And He is worthy of our trust.

This, I am learning in a new and glorious way as God has been revealing different areas of deep-rooted fear I didn't know existed. A desire to control. Figure out. Manipulate. Have an answer for.

Nope. Surrender is the only option. Well, other than misery.

Rejoicing at what the Gospel reveals about the heart and character of God...and loving that it never changes.

Ever.