When I am afraid, I will trust in You.

My greatest fear in coming to Wales was changed relationships in Orlando. Since day ONE of hearing about this program- that's what I was afraid of...and I knew it was inevitable.

Now, as I'm "into the year," I'm beginning to have increasing opportunities to make the choice to be here in heart--relationally. And not just here physically. And not only "be here"...but "not be there." In Orlando. This, I submit, might be the greatest challenge of the year.

As I was battling discouragement of watching relationships "shift" (as they should!) and feeling more and more out of the loop today, a dear friend, Alli, helped me speak truth to myself. Oh, what a joy she is!

God is FAITHFUL. He knows what He's doing. This was no accident-- me being here is a miracle. Many miracles. "For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our LORD." Romans 8:38. Ah, sigh of relief.

Then I went to 10:31. Our youth group where the parents come as well. As I stood in the kitchen with my precious LIFE girls, I looked at their faces and sensed a sweet, gentle probing of a question..."Is it worth it?" Meaning the cost. The "missing out" of dear friends lives 4,000 miles away. The not being there. The adjustment it will take upon my return. Is it worth it? And as soon as the question was asked, love for these middle school girls rushed into my heart as a resounding "YES!" was the answer. What a precious season this is! Yes, it is worth it! It's worth it for the Gospel to go forth! It's worth it to know these girls- to have the privilege to watch God working in them- the joy of serving them. It's worth it for the growing I hope is going on in my heart. It's worth it because He can be trusted. He knows what He's doing. And just like the verse I mentioned the other day- about keeping my eyes forward and my gaze straight before me...not looking to the right or left. That is my mission should I choose to accept it. With His promises in hand, I embrace it. Thank you, LORD. You are good.

"I will help You."

I've had an interesting couple of days. Thankfully, lots of time in the Word has resulted. Fastening His promises around me- knowing they hold me tighter than I can hold them.

Sarah (Ivy's sister who works at the front desk at Christchurch) handed me her "Morning and Evening" book by Surgeon today. Told me she thought I'd like today's "Morning". Oh, and I did. I read it three times. I thought I'd pass it along to you! Praying your eyes are opened anew to the great power and goodness of our God. He is worthy of praise.

"THIS morning let us hear the Lord Jesus speak to each one of us: "I will help thee." "It is but a small thing for Me, thy God, to help thee. Consider what I have done already. What! not help thee? Why, I bought thee with My blood. What! not help thee? I have died for thee; and if I have done the greater, will I not do the less? Help thee! It is the least thing I will ever do for thee; I have done more, and will do more. Before the world began I chose thee. I made the covenant for thee. I laid aside My glory and became a man for thee; I gave up My life for thee; and if I did all this, I will surely help thee now. In helping thee, I am giving thee what I have bought for thee already. If thou hadst need of a thousand times as much help, I would give it thee; thou requirest little compared with what I am ready to give. 'Tis much for thee to need, but it is nothing for me to bestow. 'Help thee?' Fear not! If there were an ant at the door of thy granary asking for help, it would not ruin thee to give him a handful of thy wheat; and thou art nothing but a tiny insect at the door of My all-sufficiency. 'I will help thee.'"

  O my soul, is not this enough? Dost thou need more strength than the omnipotence of the United Trinity? Dost thou want more wisdom than exists in the Father, more love than displays itself in the Son, or more power than is manifest in the influences of the Spirit? Bring hither thine empty pitcher! Surely this well will fill it. Haste, gather up thy wants, and bring them here—thine emptiness, thy woes, thy needs. Behold, this river of God is full for thy supply; what canst thou desire beside? Go forth, my soul, in this thy might. The Eternal God is thine helper!"

"Fear not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismay'd!
I, I am thy God, and will still give thee aid."

Pitch a tent with me

Lately, I've been camping. Metaphorically speaking. Grab a tent and a flashlight- come. join me.

"Oh that my ways may be steadfast in keeping your statues! Then I shall not be put to shame, having my eyes fixed on all your commandments." Ps. 119:5

I've been praying for steadfastness. I want my heart to be still. I want to laugh at the time to come. And I want to be faithful. I want to reflect the Savior. To walk in His ways. May my eyes be FIXED on His commandments-- studying them, meditating on them, praying through them.

"Let your eyes look directly forward and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure. Do not swerve to the right or the left; turn your foot away from evil." Proverbs 4:25

Surely we will constantly have distractions throughout this lifetime. Things that demand our attention; our focus. We look this way and that way and there will always be a reason to not spend time with the LORD, or to push reasoning out of our minds to do what is easier or feels good. Oh may the objective truth rule my heart and not my subjective emotions! I hope to stop taking my emotional temperature, and instead ponder my ways- setting my eyes on Him...with a still, steadfast, faithful heart.

"Your steadfast love endures all the day."

All the day. Not some of the day. Not most of the day. ALL the day. And He relates to us according to His steadfast love, and not our performance! It's the gospel- right here.

"Your statues have been my songs in the house of my sojourning." Ps. 119:54

(I have to add an "s" after the word "house." There has been more than one in my sojourning!)

He is the same in every season. He never changes though I might see His goodness in different ways. He is bigger than sin-- and He uses our sin. He forces it to do good unto us. Praise His Name!

Assurance

I always thought I knew what "assurance" was. Specifically assurance of my salvation. I could define it, I could describe it, and I'd probably do a fairly good job convincing you that I indeed have assurance that I am saved and now one with Christ.

However. I now realize, through the reading I did today, that my assurance is very very weak. Sadly, these truths that I LOVE and HOPE in...well, rarely does my soul- when faced with temptation, resonate with the Holy Spirit that I am a child of God...and am indeed dead to sin.

The book is titled, "The Gospel Mystery of Sanctification". I received it from Danny and Melodye Jones for Christmas. I am on chapter 4 (though I plan to re-read chapter 3) and announced to the GAP Team today that this is quite possibly one of the best books I've ever read. They couldn't believe I made that statement so early on in the book. I couldn't either.

Apart from "The Gospel Primer," I don't know that I've read another book that preaches the Gospel to my heart more frequently than this one. Each time the author gets to another "qualification" we need to have to overcome sin, he shines light on another facet of this most beautiful diamond called the Gospel. Which then, in His kindness, the LORD illuminates to me...making me stare in awe at the words on the page...amazed that this is truly the state of my being now that Christ's life is declared as mine.

The second and third "qualification" (out of the four) affected me the most.
(This is paraphrasing)

2. You have to be totally assured that you are reconciled to God and accepted by Him. Be absolutely sure the chasm sin has caused between me and God has been completely filled- and now I'm totally under His love and favor.

Right. And I could read that everyday for the rest of my life and still not fully get how amazing this Truth is.

3. Assurance of happy, eternal future with the LORD in the new heaven and new earth.

Oh, LORD, make me to know these Truths deeper than I've known them before. Brand this on my heart. Help me to live my justified status before you.

Praying you are also rejoicing at this most glorious wonder: ASSURANCE.

Shattered.

Lack of sleep + 2 days in New York + Jet Lag + VJ + Shockwave =


VJ last night was...rough. Loads of fights and rough housing. But hey- at least they came. The Gospel was preached.

We're starting something called "VJ xtra" every month- two weeks after VJs. They'll still be on Friday nights, but its more of an "ALPHA" setting. For non believers to ask questions and engage in conversation about what was talked about the previous VJ. And for our LIFE kids (the Youth Group) to bring their unbelieving friends to.

Today was our last Shockwave. Ever. We're transitioning our outreach to 6-11 year olds to Sunday mornings instead and encouraging parents to come along to the Sunday service. Unfortunately, the GAP Team will no longer be involved in this.

Well I'm off to take a kip (nap) for several hours. Couldn't sleep again last night. But hey, it was 2am instead of 3, so there's improvement! And I completely finished the book "Mistaken Identity" the last two nights- I highly reccomend it. Very challenging.

Hope you're loving 2009 as you get into the groove of things!

Back in the groove of things

God is so abundantly kind. The past few days have been nothing short of extremely exciting! We met with a couple of the pastors on Thursday and as a team, we're thrilled to hear of the changes they've made on the GAP Team to adjust to our strengths and weaknesses. Their humble leadership and willingness to change things around and scrap things that aren't working is an incredible blessing. I'll elaborate on that more when I'm able.

One of the changes they've made that I can tell you about is that Toms is now our "team captain." He's in charge of making decisions when Mike is in a meeting or unavailable. We were verbally rejoicing when we heard this- what a means of grace it will be! It's already been so helpful just today! No more sitting around waiting to hear what we should be doing...we can just start cracking on!

We have VJ tonight. Toms and I went to Bettws to remind the kids and it seems like LOADS of them will be coming! We're beginning a series with them, "What would Jesus say to _____?" Tonight "Buffy" fills in the blank. The vampire slayer. Dan (I think) will talk about evil and demons, etc. and what the Bible says about them.

Please pray for soft hearts and souls to be saved!

Oh, and for those of you who were praying- Peter and my luggage came today- thank you for praying, Mrs. Dixon!

Jet lag is pretty challenging this side of the pond. Three of us who went to the States couldn't get to sleep until 3am last night...well, this morning. Please pray we learn to rest in the LORD's strength and boast in our weakness in the coming days ahead. His mercies are new every morning. Praise God.

Happy 22nd Birthday, Lindsay!

1 Samuel 20:23b, "...behold, the LORD is between you and me forever."

Linds,

It was funny going through my pictures and having hundreds of memories of places, conversations we've had, seasons of life, etc. - and our friendship winds through each one (in some form or another. =)

I am amazed at God's faithfulness in our friendship. I am blessed by your patience and forgiveness, and it is a joy to call you my friend.

What a gift that you know me better than I know myself. You are like a sister to me.

I am praying for you today- that the LORD would shower His grace on you as you reflect on His kindess throughout your life and delight in the joy it is to be a daughter of the King.

You are dearly loved in Wales.
Hugs!