Unaffected.

Do you ever have those mornings? Days? Weeks? Am I the only one?

Where you're aware that you're not as affected by the amazing news of the Gospel as you think you "should be." You're not marveling. Or breaking out in spontaneous worship in your heart. Jesus died for my sins. Great. I'm glad. Good news.

...but it lacks EFFECT. It doesn't stir love within. It's just...information. Good information, sure. We know it well. Say it with a smile and up beat voice. But our heart remains stagnant.

When I'm in that place, and by nothing but the sheer grace of God, I can see that I'm in that place...it makes me cry out and plead for change like nothing else. Welcome to my morning.

We can do all the "things" we "should do" when we're in that place. Pray. Read the Bible. Worship in song anyways hoping our actions lead to a shift in our hearts...but what it comes down to...is we need God. That's it. Plain and simple. He is the Changer of hearts.

As I begged this morning for the Savior to not let my heart grow hard, to cut to my heart with how my sin grieves Him, to reveal His righteousness...nothing happend. Hours of trying to speak truth, and read quotes...trying to amaze myself. I can't.

And yet, slowly, as the day went on...little glimpses of Scripture I came across in typing something up for a pastor (yes, my job rocks), or a word here, or a sentence there...and the sweetness began to gradually sink in. As I typed away, I was reminded of a quote in (I believe) Nancy Lee Demoss' book, Brokenness.

This is a rough quote from what I remember:

God must make you hungry before He feeds you,
Strip you before He clothes you,
Make nothing of you before He can make something of you.

And in that moment, as the quote ran through my head, I realized I could be grateful for the times I feel "unaffected"- its in those times, if I lean on God, and beg for mercy...that hunger can grow. And when hunger grows, truth is beautifully satisfying.

Luke 6:21, "Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you shall be satisfied."

I'll never "arrive." I'll never be sufficiently amazed in this life by what Jesus has done for me. But hunger...is a good thing.