"Should've"

Right. So, what do you do when you're in that place again? "Should've done this" or "Should've done that." Seeing all you've done wrong this week. Failure. Ways you could've helped someone, but you didn't. Selfishness fleshed out in not wanting to get up and do dishes. Not dying to self, but instead, giving into whatever I want. And taking that a step further- justifying it by "I've had a hard day" or "I did this earlier." And only doing things when I want to. Being joyful when it's convenient and I'm being served. Aware of a complaining heart in loads of areas. Self consumption.

This was me this afternoon. Annoyed at myself. Frustrated. Angry. Wanting to go upstairs and just weep- telling the LORD all the ways I've failed Him that I know of. And knowing full well that there is endless more.

And then I remember what it says in the Gospel Primer.

"When I come to Him, to confess my sins to Him, He runs to me (as it were) and is repeatedly embracing and kissing me before I can even get the words of my confession out of my mouth."

As I rode in the car tonight I held back tears thinking of this picture. My utter unworthiness. My desperation. My need for grace. And then I was humbled remembering that He gives so much more than a mere "pardon." He runs to me. Me who has neglected Him. Me who has spat in His face. Me who's sin held Him on the cross. And He embraces me. And He kisses me. And lavishes His love upon me. Clothing me in righteousness. When I'm most undeserving.

Oh, worthy is the Lamb who was slain-- holy holy is He!